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Game of Thrones makes us ask “What is Sex?”

I’m excited by the discussion that is swirling around the sex lives of two of my favourite Game of Thrones characters: Grey Worm and Missandei.  The Season 7 episode Stormborn ignited a conversation around a topic that I think is extremely important to consider: The way that we define “Sex”.

I still haven’t caught up on season 7 of GoT, but I just HAD to check out the love scene between these two characters so that I could join in the discussion. I saw so many posts online that were asking the question “Grey Worm and Missandei hooked up…..but did they have sex?  And if so, how?”

For those who aren’t fans of Game of Thrones, let me shed a little light on this question.  Grey Worm, as a member of The Unsullied, a ruthless slave army, is a eunuch.  From what I can gather from the series and the books it is based on, in his case this means that he has been fully castrated, with the removal of both his penis and testicles.

 

So when the tender love scene between a castrated man and his female lover aired, a lot of people asked how, if he has no penis, could he possibly have sex with her? And this opened a can of worms around the idea of how we define sex.

 

For me, the discussion surrounding the love scene really highlighted how penis-centric our idea of sex is.  When most of us first learn about sex, we are taught that sex = penis in vagina.  But in reality the definition of sex is so much broader than that.  “Sex” can encompass a huge range of activities, including oral sex, anal sex, digital penetration and stimulation and mutual masturbation.  While there’s no denying that these are all elements of sexual play, our culture still largely views them as foreplay, a lead up to the Main Event of penis-in-vagina sex.  I’ve even heard some people refer to penis-in-vagina sex as “real sex” or “full sex”, which kind of gives the impression that those other sexual acts are less important or have a lower status than vaginal penetration with a penis.

And while some viewers were happy to concede that while Grey Worm could easily provide pleasure to his female partner, that without a penis he’d be bereft of any pleasure of his own.  If Grey Worm has no genitals, then surely any sexual play between him and Missandei will be ludicrously one-sided, cried they.

 

Although Game of Thrones has had some truly questionable sex scenes in the past, I loved the way this scene was shot. It was tender, it was erotic and the desire of both parties was palpable.  I thought it was a wonderful illustration of the ways in which sex can be much more broadly defined.  It showed that the important facet of a sexual encounter isn’t the body parts that are involved, but rather the connection between the partners who are participating.

 

If we think of sex as only including penis-in-vagina penetration, we are selling ourselves short of a world of sexual pleasure.  We are excluding the sexual relationships of same-sex couples, intersex individuals and trans folk who do not participate in penetrative sex.  We discount the sexual connections had by heterosexual men who do not experience erections or sensation in the genitals.  And that cuts out a huge percentage of sexually active humans and relationships.  This narrow idea of what sex is does not serve us. It sets us up for a limited sexual experience and shame if our sex lives don’t match that view.  And so I encourage everyone reading this to take a look at how you think about sex and try to widen that view a little if you currently think that “real” sex only looks like a penis in a vagina.

 

So how might Grey Worm and Missandei have had sex?  Well, we know for sure that there was plenty of kissing and touching, and we saw him go down on her.  Knowing what I know about their anatomies, here are a few other activities that they might have enjoyed together:

  • Grey Worm might have used his fingers or hands to stimulate Missandei’s vulva and clitoris, and may even have penetrated her digitally.
  • Both parties have nipples, which might respond to touch and play.
  • Although Grey Worm doesn’t have external genitals, he probably still has a prostate.  This nerve-packed pleasure spot can be accessed through the anus and can produce orgasm internally.
  • Frottage, or the rubbing of the clitoris against a thigh, hip or pubic mound, could be enjoyed by both parties while still maintaining full body contact and giving them the opportunity to kiss and look at one another.
  • Both Missandei and Grey Worm could have indulged in a sensual massage as a way to explore eachother’s bodies and relax their partner.
  • Regardless of their genitals, everyone has a butt.  And the backside is full of nerve endings which are very responsive to touch with fingers, lips, tongues and toys.

This is just a few examples of the ways that these two characters could give and receive sexual pleasure together.  None of these activities involves a penis in a vagina and all of them count as sex in my book.

I am so chuffed that a program as huge as Game of Thrones has shown such a beautiful sex scene and given fans the opportunity to talk about how we define sex. It’s a super important topic and one that I could chat about for ages.  But I wanted to keep this post relatively short to give you a chance to sit with these ideas and think about where you stand on the definition of “sex”.

 

If you’re up for it, I’d love for you to leave a comment telling me how you define sex.  What counts as “sex” in your book?

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American Horror Story: Roanoke style

I have just finished season 6 of American Horror Story and I was completely blown away.  This season was so stylistically different from every incarnation of the show that has come before.  From the way it was presented, to the storytelling and the visual style, Roanoke was grittier, darker and more haunting than the last few seasons of AHS.  I also noticed that the costumes for this season were vastly different from what we’ve seen in the past couple of years from American Horror Story.  After the flash and panache of Freak Show and the vintage decadence of Hotel, Roanoke delivered a set of looks that seemed older, more careworn and somewhat grimier than it’s predecessors.  I thought I’d jump in and take a look at five characters from the series that I liked the most and create a look for each one of them. Starting with the baddest bitch of them all…

The Butcher

The Butcher was one of the most chilling villains AHS has produced.  She’s utterly brutal, single-minded and unconcerned about the prospect of getting blood under her fingernails.  Her look is utilitarian and harsh, with a few feminine flounces left behind from her former life as a proud lady of England.  Colours are muted and stark, boots are scuffed and accessories are few for this terror of the blood moon.

 

 

Shelby

Shelby’s look is pure yoga chic.  Comfort is the name of the game, with relaxed cuts and breathable fabrics aplenty.  Choose a form-fitting tank top and yoga pants and layer over a poncho or wrap for adventures off your yoga mat.  Flat shoes are best to maintain contact with Mother Earth, especially if you find yourself traipsing through the woods.  Shelby doesn’t wear a lot of jewellery, but I couldn’t resist these molar earrings, which reminded me of one of the scenes that squicked me out the most.

Cricket Marlowe

 

Cricket is the epitome of minimalism.  His monochrome look embodies dark colours and body cuts and the end result is striking and powerful.  I’ve added the barest of nods to Cricket’s psychic gift with this horoscope-themed bag.  The blood red pendant is the perfect reference to the blood moon, which is the most dangerous time for the inhabitants of the Roanoke house, as Cricket finds out.  Rather than copy Cricket’s white shag haircut, I recommend topping off the look with a mystical turban.

Scathach

 

One of the more mysterious characters in the Horror Story universe, Scathach has an earthy, feminine style.  Her clothes are old fashioned cuts, remnants left from her life before she became the witch of the forest.  Earthy tones and natural materials are woven together to create a look that is both arresting and slightly sexy.  The corset lacings and bare decolletage are enticing, but the long skirts and boots keep the look grounded.  Scathach wouldn’t be complete without her crown of antlers, and a still-beating heart to offer her subjects.

Audrey Tindall

 

Audrey’s style is deeply romantic, with elements of 70’s vintage and Victorian era lace collars.  She tends to wear long lines, high necklines and sweeping sleeves and skirts.  Her makeup is minimal and shoes are pretty yet functional. She is utterly elegant, favouring drop earrings which show off her long neck and delicate features to perfection.  And of course, she wouldn’t even leave the horrors of the Polk farm without her wedding ring. What a romanic!
Have you watched Roanoke yet?  What did you think?  Did you have a favourite look from the series?
Psst!  If you liked this post, you may also be interested in checking out my AHS: Coven Style post.
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Things I love Thursday 9/2/2017

Welcome to another Things I Love Thursday.  In my opinion, Thursday is the perfect day to take stock of the things I’m grateful for and that bring me joy.  By the time Thursday rolls around, I’m beginning to lose momentum from the long week behind me and I’m usually truly ready for the weekend.  Taking the time to think about the good things from the past week really gives me a chance to look at things with fresh eyes.

 

This week I love:

  • My awesome boyfriend who rescued me from an enormous spider that was crawling across the bedhead at 4am last weekend.  We both hate spiders, so very very much.  And the fact that he was willing to stay in the room with the spider to make sure I was out safely and calmly meant the world to me.
  • Rain storms to break the oppressive summer heat.
  • Making veggie pies for dinner that taste amazing and look way fancier than they actually are.
  • Iced coffee
  • Starting work on my first knitted jumper.  It’s going to be super chunky and TARDIS blue.
  • Singing along to Blink 182 in the car and reminiscing about my teen years.
  • Saving Mr Banks
  • The new fennec fox kit who was born at Taronga Zoo last month.  This little dude is crazy cute and so energetic!
  • Finding a book I’ve been dying to read and a big ball of Noro silk yarn at a trash and treasure market.  I spent the princely sum of $3.
  • Watching a bunch of Lucy Worsley’s documentaries on Youtube.  In particular I’ve been enjoying History’s Biggest Fibs and also Fit to Rule.  Lucy is so lovely and makes history sound so cheeky and magical.
  • Dexter.  I’m finally getting around to watching this after so many years and I’m really enjoying it.

What do you love this week?

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Five Fandom Friday: Fandoms you hold dear that nobody else has heard of

Oooooh, the world of lesser-known fandoms.  This is honestly one of my favourite geeky topics.  I think we all have those weird things that we’re really into, that it seems like nobody on the planet has heard of.  But what’s awesome is that when you find another human who not only has heard of, but loves the same thing as you, it’s like *BAM* instant friendship!  There’s nothing like having someone recognise the obscure reference on your shirt, or bust out a quote from that weird film you adore.  So today I’m taking time to celebrate 5 of my lesser-known fandoms.

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  1. Hercules Returns

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4437BxAHB4

Hercules Returns is a hilarious Australian film about a dude who quits his corporate job to run his own cinema.  His former boss sabotages the opening of the cinema’s premier screening of Hercules by substituting the audio reel with the Italian version of the film.  Disaster!  Luckily the hero and his two mates step in to dub over the entire film.  The rest of the movie is the dubbed-over version of Hercules.  It’s crude, it’s stupid and it’s utterly hilarious.  I was crazy excited when I found that this film was available on DVD, and it’s always the perfect pick-me-up when I’m having a rough day.

 

2. Heavyweights

Heavyweights was one of those movies that I watched over and over as a kid, and was a little bit scared to see as a grown-up in case it had lost it’s magic over the years.  But when I did finally check it out again, it was just as hilarious as I remembered.  It’s a Disney film starring many of the kids from the Mighty Ducks films about a fat camp.  It holds a special place in my heart, because my best friend growing up was a fat kid, and it was one of the only films from our childhood where the fat kids were the heroes of the story.

 

3. Freaks and Geeks

OK, so in the Netflix age, Freaks and Geeks isn’t as obscure as it used to be.  But for years it was one of those shows that I was hard-pressed to find another person who had seen it.  Only the first episode aired in Victoria, and I watched it, went bonkers over it, and then was heartbroken when the Ten Network didn’t show any more.  It’s only one season long, but it stars baby-faced versions of Seth Rogan, James Franco and Jason Segel.

 

4. The Young Ones

 

When I was in high school, my best friend and I used to spend most of our weekends re-watching The Young Ones and eating scrambled eggs and chocolate chip cookies (the two best dishes we’d learned to make in home ec).  None of the other kids at our school had seen The Young Ones, which made it pretty easy for us to rip off the comedy stylings of Adrian Edmonson  in our drama class without getting caught out.  Even now, I get so excited when I find someone else who likes BBC comedy from the 80’s and will bust out a chorus of “Dr Marten’s Boots” or “The Young Ones” with me.

5. Clone High

My friends Kath and Evan introduced me to Clone High.  Incidentally, Kath and Evan are such fans of the show that they have Clone High quotes engraved on their wedding rings.  I immediately loved the show, which is about a high school populated by the clones of various historical figures.  It’s pretty freakin’ hilarious.

 

What are your favourite obscure fandoms?

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5 Fandom Friday: My favourite Halloween episodes.

Whoops-a-daisy!  I’ve managed to get well behind with Five Fandom Friday. When I finally got my butt into gear and sat down to check out the list of prompts, I noticed that there are no new ones past the 30th of October.  So while I wait for the next lot of prompts to be released, I’m going to backtrack to last week’s prompt and talk about my favourite Halloween episodes of television shows.  Ready?  Let’s do it.

  1. Friends: The One with the Halloween Party

This Halloween special ranks at the top of my list for a single reason.  It’s not because of the guest appearance by Sean Penn (although that’s fabulous).  It’s not because it features a stand-off between Monica dressed as Catwoman and Phoebe dressed as Supergirl (although that’s amazing).  It’s because this is the episode that coined one of the most ridiculous costume ideas, which in turn inspired a post on this blog that to this day gets a crazy amount of visitors.  That costume?  Slutty Leatherface.  Thankyou, Joey Tribbiani for an apt commentary on the pressures on women to be sexy at Halloween.

 

 

2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Halloween

Although Buffy had a range of fantastic Halloween specials, I enjoyed this one the most.  I adore the concept of all of the characters becoming their costumes.  Willow becomes a ghostly spectre of her former self (although dressed in a pretty provocative outfit that she covered with a sheet because she was too shy around Zander) and Zander turns into a tough-as-leather army commando (providing important training and knowledge that will stand him in good stead for the rest of the series).  The best part though is seeing the intensely capable Buffy turn into a simpering Victorian maiden for the whole episode.  It’s just such a departure from her usual character and makes for very entertaining viewing.

3. Freaks and Geeks: Tricks and Treats

The reason I adore this episode is that it’s the reason I fell head over heels for Mrs Weir from the Freaks and Geeks series.  Mrs Weir became one of my favourite characters, because I could relate to her anger at the state of the world and the way it had changed since she was a kid.  Who among us hasn’t felt a pang of sadness when we look at how things have altered since we were little?  In addition to that, this is the episode that highlights the beautiful relationship between Lindsay and her mother, which grew as the series progressed.  Also, it’s impossible to watch this episode without giggling at Bill’s Bionic Woman costume.

 

 

4.  American Horror Story (Coven): Fearful Pranks Ensue

While the whole lot of American Horror Story is blood-curdling, this episode takes the cake.  I’m a zombie fan, and Marie Laveau’s zombie minions are seriously creepy.  Rather than just a pack of mindless living corpses, Laveau’s zombies are more like undead puppets.  She owns something belonging to each of them, and can control them so that they carry out her wishes.  When she sets them upon the Miss Robichaux’s academy, it is a terrifying moment.  In addition to that, we also see the grisly background story for Spaulding, the mute butler, which I find chilling.

 

 

5. The Office: Costume Contest

As someone who adores Halloween parties and dressing in costume, I’m always a tiny bit peeved by that party pooper who tends to wear the lamest, laziest costume possible.  In The Office, that person is always Jim Halpert.  Jim seems to go to great lengths to avoid dressing up in costume, even when everyone else is done up in elaborate Halloween getups.  So it’s a great victory when his wife finally gets him to dress up in an actual costume.

 

What are your favourite Halloween TV specials?

 

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Things I Love Thursday 22/10/2015

Weeee!  It’s Thursday again.  The weekend is almost here and I’m pumped to get into another Things I Love list.  Let’s goooo!

 

This week I love:

  • Please Like Me.  This show has been a breath of fresh air to me.  There are so many bland and boring TV shows on at the moment and this one just blows them all out of the water.  It’s written by Josh Thomas, who is a sensational Aussie comedian and it touches on some really important things like family feuds, relationships, homosexuality, mental illness and suicide.  But it manages to talk about those things in a really honest manner while still being funny and chatty.  It’s such a great show and I highly recommend that you check it out.

She is the prettiest kitty ever. #hashbrownnofilter

A post shared by Nessbow (@nessbow64) on

 

  • This kitty.  She is an absolute sweetheart.

 

  • Reading in the sunshine on a Sunday afternoon.
  • My new yoga class.  A gym has opened up just around the corner from my house and they have cheap yoga classes.  Even though I practice at home daily, I thought it would be good to expand my horizons and try something new.  Boy, am I glad that I did.  I have learned so much and have really overcome some fears I had about certain poses.  It’s been amazing.

 

  • TARDIS blue sequins.
  • Gin and tonic
  • Finding vintage Shiapirelli stockings in the thrift store for a dollar.  They are divine.
  • Getting psyched for Halloween.
  • Gremlins.  I watched it for the very first time last weekend and I thought it was great.  I want my own Mogwai.
  • Throwing shit out.  I have so much old furniture and broken down crud in my flat and it’s been driving me insane. So last week I ordered a skip bin from our local rubbish removal service. I filled it up in no time and it’s so wonderful to have all that clutter out of my house.
  • Getting all excited for a date this weekend.

How about you sweetheart?  What do you love this week?  Don’t be shy, go ahead and share!

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5 Fandom Friday: My favourite fictional teachers.

This week’s 5 Fandom Friday post is dedicated to the educators of the fictional world.  I have a soft spot for teachers in general.  Growing up, I was lucky enough to have some fantastic teachers who encouraged me to develop my interests and made me feel proud to excel.  Now that I’m older, some of my best friends have chosen careers in teaching and it makes me so happy that they are out there in the world, offering advice and education to the next generation.  It takes a very special person to be an amazing teacher, and I think that the teachers of the world are highly underrated.

 

And on that note, let’s jump in and take a look at my 5 favourite fictional teachers.

  1. Rupert Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Does Giles count as a teacher?  He works at Sunnydale High and he runs the library but he doesn’t really have a class of his own.  Hmm, maybe he doesn’t really qualify.  But I’m going to sneak him into my list because he’s brilliant and I adore him.  Giles is mild-mannered and so very British but with a cleverly-disguised wild streak.  You just know that under that tweed jacket is a heart that’s hard to tame.  He’s an excellent mentor to Buffy and knows when it’s time to let go and give her a chance to stand on her own two feet.

 

2. Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter.

Like Giles, McGonagall is very two-sided.  In the classroom she is strict and proper, but in her own time she can be deliciously witty and bold.  I like the fact that McGonagall doesn’t take crap from anyone, and she has a mischievous nature that’s impossible to dislike.  Although she is fiercely committed to the education of her students, she managed to develop quite close relationships with Harry, Ron and Hermione and shares several quite sweet moments with each.

3. Professor Keating from The Dead Poets Society

I think we’ve all longed for a teacher like Mr Keating.  One who encourages us to think outside the box and introduces us to a world of possibilities.  One who steps outside traditional teaching methods and shows us that learning is sexy and fun rather than dry and dusty.  For the students who feel trapped inside the straight-laced boarding school, and believe that they will graduate into traditional straight-laced lives, Professor Keating provides a glimmer of hope, and dares them to push the boundaries to find what makes them truly happy.  And that’s the mark of a great teacher right there.

4. Mr Bergstrom from The Simpsons

The episode Lisa’s Substitute always resonated with me.  Without wanting to sound too up-myself, I was a precocious little girl who loved learning and who was well ahead of most kids her age in terms of intellect and ability.  So often I found myself bored in class and it was a rare treat when I found a teacher who would challenge me rather than just wanting me to work at the same level as everyone else.  When you are in that boat and a teacher comes along who actively tries to find ways to broaden your learning it’s incredibly refreshing.  A teacher who treats you like your thirst for learning is something to be embraced and expanded rather than an annoyance is worth their weight in gold.  So I completely understand why Lisa was so excited to find an educator like Mr Bergstrom who gave her a chance to reach outside the bounds of her second-grade classroom and sample the delights of learning for the sheer joy of it.

5. Mr DiMartino from Daria

Ok, so Mr DiMartino wasn’t a good teacher.  Perhaps he was once upon a time, until years of teenage boneheads wore down his resolve until he became a bitter, cynical man with an epic facial tic.  But I like him all the same.  Mostly because he’s super entertaining to watch, but also because a tiny part of me wishes that I could sometimes behave with the kind of unbridled sarcasm that is Mr DiMartino’s trademark.

Do you have a favourite fictional teacher?  Is there anyone I’ve left out?  Please leave your answers in the comments section below.