M is for Masochism

This is part 4. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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M is for Masochism

Masochism is when a person derives pleasure or enjoyment from pain. This pain may be physical, emotional or psychological.  Masochism is the flipside of the S/m coin, the opposite of sadism. Even though these two practices are opposite and complimentary, that doesn’t mean that a single person can’t enjoy both masochism and sadism.  There are lots of people who enjoy both halves of the S & M pie, but usually they tend to prefer one over the other.

Masochism may show it’s face in a huge range of BDsM scenes.  It often goes hand-in-hand with bondage and discipline, as well as other types of play including:

  • Impact play, where the submissive party is hit or struck with paddles, floggers, hands, canes, whips, crops and a variety of other impact tools.
  • Humiliation play, where the submissive party is forced to dress in clothing that they find embarrassing, may be called names or is made to perform actions that they find degrading.
  • Play piercing, where needles are inserted into the top layers of skin.
  • Primal play such as chasing, biting and scratching.
  • Torture play, in which the submissive is subjected to physical torture, often while bound. This may include breast and nipple torture and cock and ball torture.
  • Hair pulling
  • Breath play, where the submissive is choked or smothered
  • Erotic trampling, where the bottom is stepped and trodden on.
  • Forniphilia, or human furniture.  Submissives may be required to act as tables, footstools or other furniture.
  • Medical play scenes.
  • Electro-sex play, through the use of a violet wand or tens unit.
  • Fire and ice play, including scenes involving fire wands, wax and ice cubes.

To a person who has not explored the world of BDsM, or who cringes at the idea of being in any kind of pain, the thought of intentionally submitting to painful treatment may seem absurd.  Why on earth would anybody want to subject themselves to such play, and how could you possibly enjoy it?  The reasons why masochism is so thrilling are as varied as the people who practice it.  Some of the most common reasons for exploring masochistic tendencies may include:

  • Feeling a rush or natural high from pain.  Pain triggers the release of endorphins in the body, which in turn may cause feelings of euphoria, relaxation and pleasure.
  • Wanting to explore physical and emotional limits. Some masochists liken their practice to endurance running or weightlifting, in that they are fascinated to see how much their body can take and explore and expand limitations.
  • A desire to own one’s pain and learn to cope with it.
  • Enjoying being at the mercy of another person.
  • Wanting to expand trust in a relationship.
  • Getting a thrill from intense sensation.
  • Using intense sensations such as impact, heat or pain to stimulate certain parts of the body, making them more sensitive to gentle touch later on.

I very firmly identify as a masochist.  I find pain erotic and I’ve definitely experienced that natural high after being flogged, spanked or tortured. I also enjoy pushing my personal limits to see how much I can withstand.  In this way, I find things like impact play or wax play almost meditative. Although they do hurt, I try to relax into the sensations, noting them and breathing through the pain until I get to that place of bliss beyond.  I liken it to running and yoga, both things that I enjoy immensely.  With all of these things, to get to the benefits and euphoria, you have to first push through a barrier of pain and resistance.

 

It’s extremely important to note that not all pain will trigger a pleasurable response in a person with masochistic tendencies.  I don’t feel sexy after stubbing my toe or being humiliated by a stranger in public.  As with any BDsM play, it’s vital that the activity is safe, sane and consensual.  The pain should be inflicted in a controlled environment, after lengthy negotiations about needs, wants and limitations. It’s extremely important that both parties trust one another so that both feel safe to explore and enjoy themselves.  It’s also vital that play progresses gradually.  With things like impact play, you can’t just start flogging the living daylights out of a submissive.  You have to warm up with gentle taps, slowly ramping up the intensity.  Proper preparation makes it a lot more likely that you will both enjoy your scene, and increases the chances that you’ll want to do it again.

As well as proper preparation before a scene, aftercare is especially vital in scenes that explore masochism. Pain can bring up all sorts of emotional stickiness, and you need to be prepared to devote the time needed to work through those feelings if they happen to bubble to the surface. The rush of endorphins and adrenaline involved with pain and fear can result in an emotional crash called Subdrop when those chemicals subside.  Subdrop is a fascinating and important topic, and one that I will talk about more in future posts.  Proper aftercare can help bring the submissive back to earth and limit the impact of drop.  Additionally, physical aftercare, such as tending to bruises and cuts, helps to make sure that the bottom is healthy and happy.  Aftercare is really important to foster trust between play partners and reassure everyone involved that they are loved, respected and cared for.

 

Masochism is a fascinating practice, and one that shows up in a variety of different BDsM scenes.  It can be a gateway to pleasure and freedom for some, even though it might seem scary to others.

Fascinated by masochism? You might like to read the other posts in this series”

I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading my ABC’s of BDsM. If any of these posts have raised any questions for you, or if there is anything you’d like to learn more about, please feel free to get in touch.

 

Product review: Destiny Super Soft by Tantus

My review of this toy begins with a geeky faux pas.  Tantus contacted me a few months ago to inform me of the release of the new Destiny Super Soft dildo and to ask if I’d be interested in trying it.  I replied eagerly that “I’m super keen to try the Density!”  The DENSITY.  Bugger!  I quickly realised that I’d made a George McFly-esque error and sent a second email to apologise.  Luckily the folks at Tantus have a brilliant sense of humour and popped a Destiny in the post for me.

The Destiny made an instant impression on me for a few reasons.  My first thought upon opening the package was “This dildo is flippin’ huge”.  The Destiny is significantly larger than any of the other toys in my collection.  Initially I was slightly concerned for the safety of my pussy, but then I remembered how much I’d enjoyed the Slick, another girthy Tantus toy, and tried to quell my fear.

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The second thing that I noticed was the colour.  Tantus sent me the copper shade, which was a pleasant surprise.  The copper shade is a warm desert tone with just a hint of sheen.  It’s a wonderful change from all the pinks and purples that are abundant in the world of sex toys.  The Destiny is also available in Purple  Haze. The burnished copper shade really sets the Destiny apart from my other toys and gives it an almost regal appearance.

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My final impression of the appearance of this toy was that it was by far the most realistic dildo that I’ve ever owned.  I normally dislike realistic looking sex toys.  I usually shy away from flesh tones, veins and testicles on my dildos.  The Destiny features a pronounced head with a deep coronal ridge.  There is some light vein-like texture on the shaft as well.  And the lower part of the toy is adorned with rounded, plump testicles.  In spite of these details, I wasn’t put off by this toy. I think the copper colour negated the realistic features and stopped the Density looking like an actual cock.  And for that I am extremely grateful.

 

Now, those ‘realistic” features aren’t just for show.  Once I put this toy through it’s paces, I really came to appreciate how functional they were.  The ridged head felt incredible upon penetration.  When I experimented with some initial shallow thrusts, I could feel that ridge popping delightfully against the entrance of my vagina.  And once I got into some deeper play, the head worked my g spot perfectly.  The testicles felt lovely pressing against my perineum, and when I flipped the toy around I realised that they lined up just right with my clitoris.  The Destiny is so much more than a gorgeous toy, it is equipped with loads of stimulating features and potential for creative play.

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The Destiny also features a flared base, which makes it ideal for harness play and safe for anal play.  I can confirm that this is a great harness toy.  The shaft is mounted on the base at an angle, which means that when you wear it in a harness it stands erect and is easy to manoeuvre.

 

Now, I mentioned that the size of this toy was intimidating to me at first.  Well, it didn’t take me long to realise that the Destiny’s size wasn’t as scary as it first seemed. The Destiny clocks in at 4cm diameter, with 12.7 cm of insertable length.  Now, while that seems massive, the texture of the silicone makes this toy much more manageable than it appears.  The Super Soft material is delightfully squishy, and it sort of moulds to the shape of your body. There are no harsh edges or hard textures that hurt or make you feel stretched.  Because the toy is so wonderfully soft, I found it really easy to take. It has a similar softness to the ever-popular jelly toys, while still being firm enough to thrust with.

Unlike those jelly toys, which are usually porous and brimming with pthalates, The Destiny is made of 100% premium silicone.  This means that it is body safe, with no pores that can harbour germs and bacteria.  Silicone is very hygienic and super easy to clean.  You can wash it in the sink with mild soap, or for a deeper clean you can boil your toy or even pop it in the dishwasher.

 

There is really only one thing I didn’t love about the Destiny Super Soft, and that is the texture of the silicone.  The super soft silicone feels really tacky to the touch.  When I took the toy out of the packet, I thought that there must have been some residue on the toy, because it felt really sticky in my hand.  I have noticed that the tackiness goes away when the toy is wet or covered in lube, but as soon as I wash and dry it that unpleasant texture comes back. Unfortunately, this texture also makes the toy a lint magnet, attracting dust and bits of cat fur within moments of being cleaned.  While this isn’t a detrimental flaw, it is the one thing I would change about this toy if I could.

 

The Destiny Super Soft is an amazing dildo, which is perfect if you’re wanting to experiment with larger toys.  The soft texture makes it less intimidating and more comfortable to play with, while still giving you loads of sensation.  It’s awesome if you’re into strap-on play and it’s a great hybrid between a realistic and non-realistic dildo.

S is for Sadism

This is part 3. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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S is for Sadism

Sadism refers to the practice of deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, discomfort and humiliation upon another person.  In the BDsM context, it often involves a consensual exchange of power in which the Dominant partner inflicts pain upon the submissive partner.  Sadism is a strong feature in many aspects of BDsM play, including:

  • Impact play, such as spanking, caning, whipping or flogging.
  • Wax play, where hot wax is dripped onto the skin of a submissive partner
  • Humiliation play, where the submissive party is required to perform actions that they find degrading, wear clothing that embarrasses them or is subjected to ridicule.
  • Knife play
  • Electro-sex, where a violet wand or tens unit is used to inflict electrical shocks, currents and sensations.
  • Bondage scenes where the submissive partner is restrained in an uncomfortable or unflattering position.
  • Torture scenes, which may include breast torture, cock and ball torture or bastinado (foot torture).
  • Role play scenes that are intended to induce fear in the submissive party.

While a lot of these types of play may seem frightening and worrisome to a person who is unfamiliar with BDsM, the fact is that in practice they are carefully planned and controlled.  Although physical and psychological pain are large components of scenes that involve Sadism, most sexual sadist aren’t bullies or meanies.  There are a number of different reasons that a person may be excited by sexual sadism, for example:

  • Enjoying the physical sensation of wielding the tools of the trade, such as floggers, whips and paddles.
  • Relishing the feeling of control and dominance over another person.
  • Being aroused or excited by the reactions of the submissive partner
  • Performing a service for the submissive, by fulfilling their desires and helping them to face their fears and fantasies.
  • Enjoyment in the planning of a scene or the polishing of skills such as whipping or torture.
  • Fascination in the operation of the body, in seeing how the body responds to certain treatment and pain.
  • Feeling a sense of joy or pleasure at earning the trust of a submissive party.

The topic of Sadism is one that I’ve found elicits strong responses in people who are not familiar with the world and practice of BDsM.  And I can see why.  From the outside, the idea of a person who enjoys hurting others can be very frightening. The image our minds conjures up when we talk about torture and humiliation is that of a villain or a bully. But in the real-life practice of BDsM, this often couldn’t be further from the truth.  Many people who practice sexual sadism are caring, loving individuals.  Some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met have sadistic tendencies in the bedroom.  As with any of the other practices in BDsM, there are a number of special considerations that must be undertaken to ensure that the scene you are partaking in is safe, sane and consensual:

  • Long before any play begins, the parties involved should take the time to have an open and frank discussion about personal limits and set specific guidelines for how the scene should progress.
  • The submissive party should disclose any medical conditions or injuries.
  • Safewords should be employed in situations where sadism play is taking place.  A safeword is a word or phrase that, when uttered, brings the action to a halt.
  • The dominant party should be aware of their own personal skill level and limitations and operate within those boundaries.
  • Before participating in impact play, learn the parts of the body that are safe to hit, and those which must be avoided.
  • Make sure that all equipment used, such as floggers or paddles, needles, sex toys or gags, are clean and in working order.
  • Do your research.  Read books, watch videos and visit blogs that deal with the particular type of play you are interested in.  Practice your skills and hone your knowledge before attempting a new type of play.
  • Build up trust and intimacy slowly.  S&M play requires a huge amount of trust between the parties involved, and this can only be built over time.  I don’t recommend engaging in S&M with someone you don’t know well enough to be sure that you can trust them.
  • Never participate in sexual sadism if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  If your judgement is impaired, you could wind up badly hurting your submissive.
  • Ensure that you have first aid supplies at hand in case something goes wrong.  Bruises, cuts and scrapes do happen sometimes even in the most carefully planned scene.
  • Aftercare is vitally important in scenes that involve pain or humiliation. Both the dominant and submissive parties need time to come down after a scene, tend to their bodies and minds and debrief.

As you can see, sadism isn’t all about torture and trials, it’s about creativity, curiosity, nurturing and fascination. It’s about eliciting a response and exploring our limits and skills. People who identify as sexual sadists aren’t necessarily horrible or cruel, and most are fantastically caring and kind.  As with all aspects of BDsM, there is a level of danger involved in indulging one’s sadistic urges, but with proper planning and care, they can be explored safely and with great success.

 

In my final chapter of The ABC’s of BDsM, I’ll be talking about the flipside of the S&M coin: Masochism.

If you enjoyed this chapter, you may enjoy my previous posts:

D is for Discipline

This is part 2. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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Discipline refers to the use of rules to control behaviour and the consequences that may arise as a result of breaking these rules.  In a BDsM context, discipline usually involves some form of power exchange between a dominant party (the person imposing the rules and doling out punishment) and a submissive party (the person adhering to the restrictions).

 

Discipline appears in the BDsM world in countless ways.  It may be applied to a short-lived scene, or employed over a long period of time by people participating in Dominant/submissive relationships.  The ways in which discipline is carried out varies widely across situations, but some of the more common uses of discipline include:

  • “Punishment” role play scenes between an authority figure and a submissive party such as a teacher and a student.
  • Rules or contracts between partners in long-term relationships to prune bad habits and foster beneficial behaviour.
  • Protocol.  Protocol is a huge topic all of it’s own, but it essentially boils down to codes of conduct for submissives, such as the correct way to sit, stand, kneel, serve drinks and perform other tasks.  It is similar to etiquette and is usually employed either at home or at specific BDsM events.
  • Orgasm control, where a submissive party is only permitted to orgasm with the permission of their dominant.
  • Chastity play, where the submissive party is forbidden to engage in sexual contact with another person or to touch themselves sexually.  This may involve the use of chastity devices.
  • Training as part of pet play, slave training or service submission training.

Discipline overlaps heavily with the other aspects of BDsM, particularly sadism and masochism.  I will talk more about these aspects in future posts.  It is often the case that a sadistic dominant will impose difficult or impossible rules as an excuse to inflict pain or punishment upon their submissive.  Discipline also plays a role in many common bondage scenes, and bondage may be used as a punishment when rules are broken.

Discipline commonly comes into play with couples who have a long term Dominant/submissive relationship or power exchange.  In these types of relationship, the dominant party will set rules and standards of expected behaviour for the submissive.  These rules will sometimes be put in place purely for the pleasure of the dominant, and may include restrictions on how the submissive may dress, how they will address the dominant, where they will sleep and tasks they must perform for the dominant.  Other rules may be set in place to assist the submissive to learn a new skill or break a habit.

Consequences for breaking rules vary from mild to extreme depending on the type of relationship and the desires of the parties involved.  Some common punishments include:

  • Spanking, whipping or flogging
  • bondage or restrictions of movement
  • humiliation
  • being made to sit in a corner
  • writing lines
  • forced orgasm
  • Performing unpleasant chores such as washing the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush
  • An apology.

There is a difference between punishments for play and punishments for behavioural training.  In a play scene, punishments like spankings or bondage are more likely to be used, because these are things that the submissive party will find enjoyable.  In the case where a dominant is training a submissive, punishments are more likely to be unpleasant, because they are intended to be something that the submissive will wish to avoid.

Why do people enjoy discipline?  Well, as I mentioned earlier, discipline fits very neatly with sadism and masochism, two of the other branches of BDsM.  Discipline is a perfect pretext for punishments such as canings and spankings, as well as humiliation play.  Discipline is a wonderful tool for learning and improving the self.  Many people enjoy controlling the behaviour of others or being controlled and following orders.  Some find it freeing to have a set of rules in place, so have someone else make those choices for them and to know that all they have to do it follow the rules.  The desire to please is a strong part of the pull towards discipline, whether that means being proud of your own achievements or earning praise from your master or dominant.

As with any BDsM play or practice, discipline should be carried out in a safe, sane and consensual way.  Some specific considerations include the following:

  • Rules and punishments should always be carefully negotiated. Both parties should discuss the reasons for a rule and any objections should be talked through.
  • Rule sheets and contracts should be reviewed from time to time. I know many people in D/s relationships who have a set date every month to review their rules and discuss what is working, what is not, remove rules that have become obsolete and add new rules.
  • It may be worthwhile giving each new rule a trial period before it becomes a part of your formal rule agreement (if you have one).  This helps to identify any practical issues that may not become immediately obvious.
  • Don’t try to add too many rules at once.  This can become overwhelming and untenable.
  • Punishments should be unpleasant, but they should never injure or traumatize a submissive.
  • Don’t make rules that will negatively impinge upon employment, family commitments or personal health.
  • Communicate.  Often, openly and honestly.

Discipline is a huge topic, and not one that I can cover in a single blog post.  If there are any specific questions you have, please feel free to get in touch with me and I will attempt to answer them in future posts.

Next time, I’ll be delving into the practice of Sadism.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you may like to check out the other posts in this series:

B is for Bondage

This is part 1. of a series of posts I will be writing called The ABC’s of BDsM.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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B is for Bondage

Bondage refers to the act of  restraining another person.  Bondage may involve restricting a person’s bodily movement, or it can extend to restricting speech and ability to see, through gagging and blindfolding.  Physical bondage is most common, however, bondage may also be psychological, when the dominant partner forbids the submissive partner to move or speak.

There are countless different types of bondage, and the tools of the trade range from the simple to the extreme.  Some common tools for bondage include the following:

  • Rope (which may be used for the Japanese art of shibari)
  • Bondage tape
  • cling film
  • Hand and ankle cuffs
  • Hogties, which force the ankles and wrists to be bound together, either in front of or behind the body.
  • Silk scarves or ties
  • Bondage furniture, such as the St Andrews Cross.
  • Bondage clothing, such as mitts that restrict the use of hands, hobble trousers or corsetry, masks, hoods, binders and straitjackets.
  • Gags, such as ball gags, bit gags, cloth gags, rope gags, o-ring gags and spider gags.
  • Blindfolds
  • Portable points of attachment, such as over-the-door restraints and under-the-bed restraints.
  • Collars
  • Spreader bars

 

There are countless ways to employ bondage techniques.  It could be as simple as the dominant partner blindfolding the submissive so that they can’t see what is going on, or as complex as tying their limbs into a fixed position and suspending them in the air.  Bondage play may employ just one technique, or a multitude of tools and restraints.  As with all types of BDsM, bondage may or may not include a sexual element.  Many bondage enthusiasts enjoy it for it’s own reasons, and do not mix sex with play.  Others use bondage to enhance sexual encounters.  Bondage is often an element in role playing scenes, such as a kidnapping scenario or sexual torture fantasies.

 

So, why are people into bondage?  The reasons why people explore bondage play are as diverse and numbered as the players themselves.  It would be impossible for me to list every reason here.  But there are some reasons that are most common.  For example, a lot of players enjoy the feeling of vulnerability, the idea that they are helpless at at the mercy of their dominant partner.  For some, bondage gives them a sense of safety and security, a feeling of being held tightly.  Others enjoy the beauty of bondage, and see bondage as a way to create a living sculpture or work of art using rope, chains and clothing.  Every person’s reasons for enjoying this practice are complex and varied, as with any type of BDsM play.

As I mentioned earlier, bondage may be extremely simple or devilishly complicated.  But any bondage scene must be carefully planned and discussed between the people who will be playing.  All BDsM play should be safe, sane and consensual.  Here are some important bondage-specific safety concerns to keep in mind:

  • You should choose your equipment with care, making sure that any locks and fasteners are in good working order and that there are no sharp edges that might hurt your submissive.
  • Safety shears should always be kept on hand to release the submissive quickly if the need arises.  It’s always better to ruin your equipment than cause injury to your play partner.
  • Any scene should be preceded with a frank and honest discussion of your wants, needs and limitations.  This includes disclosure of any medical ailments or prior injuries that need to be taken into account when constructing the scene.
  • Both parties should make themselves aware of the signs of distress to look for, and keep bondage sessions short to begin with.
  • The submissive should be released immediately if they experience numbness or tingling in their limbs, or if the restrained limb becomes pale or cold to the touch.
  • Safe words or signals should always be discussed and respected.  If the submissive is gagged, a signal such as holding up three fingers, ringing a bell or dropping an object placed in their hand before play can be used.
  • Don’t underestimate the importance of education and practice in bondage.  Bondage can be very dangerous and as such you shouldn’t rush into something complex that you are not ready for.  Read books on the subject, take classes or attend events where you can learn techniques from more experienced players, watch demonstrations and practice your techniques well before using them on a partner.

As you can see, bondage is an exciting and titillating aspect of BDsM play, which has endless applications and appeal.  It can be simple and basic or intricate and complex.

 

So now we know that B is for Bondage. Next time, I’ll be taking you through the ins and outs of discipline

 

 

 

 

 

 

Product review: Tantus Purr dildo

I don’t believe I’ve ever crushed as hard on an inanimate object as I have on the Tantus Purr dildo.  This toy is undoubtedly one of my favourites and I’m extremely excited to share it with you today.

I purchased the Purr way back in January as part of Tantus’ new years sale.  I was looking for a toy that had either great texture or dramatic size, and in the Purr I got both.  My eyes were instantly drawn to the amazing pink pearl colour.  This particular shade is just so pretty and it really does have a gorgeous pearly sheen to it that makes it look utterly magical.  If pink isn’t your thing, the Purr also comes in Purple Haze, which is a stunning galactic purple shade.

To begin with, I want to talk about the texture on this toy.  The Purr features a series of deep ribs down the shaft.  I am always a little bit dubious when it comes to textured toys, because often I can’t feel those ridges and bumps during use.  I’ve always scoffed at condoms that are “ribbed for her pleasure” because I’m yet to meet a woman who can detect those puny ribs, let alone derive pleasure from them.  But the Purr is a whole other story.  During entry, those ribs buzz a beautiful tune along my inner lips and drag deliciously inside me.  The feeling is still subtle, but very pleasurable indeed.

 

The Purr is what I call a “front-loaded” toy, in that it has a pronounced head and is heavier towards the front end.  I personally love toys that have this particular weight distribution because they feel wonderful against my G-spot.  The Purr also feels great during shallow thrusting because of that big, bold head.  The head is perfectly rounded which makes it easy to insert, although it’s not as tapered as some other toys I own.

 

Now, we need to talk about the size of this toy.  When I pulled it out of the box, my eyes watered a little because I thought it would be much too big to play with comfortably.  Before this, I always imagined that my vagina was a dainty little flower which should only be penetrated with slim, slender toys.  And up until this point all of my toys fit that description.  But the Purr made me realise how much I enjoy big toys.  I don’t think I’ve quite earned the title of Size Queen, but I’ll comfortably admit to being a Size Princess.  The Purr is 6.75 inches long and 1.4 inches wide at the head.  So it ain’t little.  But boy, does it feel great.  The silicone is fairly firm, which means that it doesn’t have a whole lot of give to it.  This and the girth of the toy means that I usually need a little warm up before I’m ready to jump in with this one.  But once you’re properly ready, the size and width of this toy will fill you up and feel wonderful.

The flared base of the Purr is a very important feature.  Firstly, it makes it harness compatible.  It slips neatly into my harness and I honestly adore the way this looks when I’m wearing it.  The flexibility of the silicone combined with the weight of the head give it a nice little ‘bob’ when you walk which I quite love.  Additionally, the flared base means that you can use the Purr anally, for pegging or solo play.  The size of this toy means that it is definitely not for beginners to butt play, but experienced pegging fans may enjoy tackling the challenge.  Admittedly, I tried this one in my butt because I was dying to experience the intensity of those ribs, but sadly it had me beat.  Although my vagina loves big toys, my butt still prefers the small, dainty variety.

You’ll also notice that the Purr has a hole in the bottom of the base.  What on earth is that for?  Well, it has two uses.  The first are to insert a suction cup, which allows you to attach the toy to the shower, a chair, the wall or another flat surface for hands-free fun.

Secondly, the hole can be used to house a vibrating bullet to turn your dildo into a vibrator.  The Purr comes with a small Tantus bullet, which fits snugly into the hole.  Admittedly, I found the vibe very disappointing when used this way.  The dense silicone really muffles the vibrations so they are pretty well dampened by the dildo.  But on it’s own, the bullet really packs a punch.  For a battery operated bullet, this thing has a fair amount of buzz.  It operates with a single click-on-click-off button and only has one power setting, but it’s a nice basic bullet.  I prefer using the bullet on my clit while thrusting with the Purr rather than using it in the intended way.

The Purr is made with Tantus’s gorgeous glossy silicone, which is smooth to the touch and completely body safe.  It is waterproof and can be cleaned in the sink or even in the dishwasher for a really thorough clean.

 

The Purr retails for $74.21 on the Tantus site.  The quality of this toy make it well worth the price, and I’d happily recommend it to my readers.  Although I purchased it nearly a year ago, and I have loads of other toys, this is one that I come back to over and over.  It’s a winner in my eyes.

Oz Kink Fest haul

This past weekend I was lucky enough to attend the Oz Kink Fest Expo at the Fitzroy town hall.  It was like a cornucopia of amazing sex toys, bondage gear, lingerie and sex positivity.  Needless to say, I had an absolute blast and bought a stack of new goodies.  I thought I would make a video to share my sexy treasure trove with you.

 

 

As I mention at the close of the video, I was completely blown away by how inclusive and open the expo was.  There were people in various states of dress, some in full fetish gear and some in street clothes.  There were a myriad of gender expressions, body shapes, relationship types and kinks represented and I didn’t hear a single nasty or creepy remark.  Every person I spoke to was incredibly open and respectful and it was truly fantastic.  I felt so proud and happy to be in such a sex positive space.

 

I bought a lot of toys at the expo.  Online shopping good and all, but there’s nothing like shopping in person for sex toys.  It’s wonderful to be able to touch the toys. to decide if you like the feel and weight of them.  You’re able to press buttons and you’ll know right away if a toy is horribly buzzy or emits a noise that sets your teeth on edge. Best of all, you can talk to people who know exactly what they’re talking about and get lots of great advice when choosing your toys.  The prices at OzKink Fest were insane, and I got a lot of things super cheap.  There were toys in my haul that have been on my wish list for years, but this weekend I saw prices that I just couldn’t pass up.  I’m very pleased with everything I got and I can’t wait to review them for you.

 

I hope you enjoy checking out what I bought.  If you have any questions, please feel free to leave it in the comments or shoot me an email.