Does pegging make you gay?

I get a fair number of emails and messages from men who are interested in trying pegging.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, “pegging” was coined by Dan Savage to describe when a person (usually a woman) penetrates their partner (usually a man) in the butt with a strap-on.  And it seems like a lot of you guys are interested in this particular sex act, because it’s one of the topics I get asked about most often by readers.

wooden laundry washing clothes line

Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

 

I’ve noticed something really interesting about these messages though.  When the author of the message is a guy, it usually goes something like “I’m not gay, but I’m really curious about pegging.  I want to ask my girlfriend to use a strap-on on me, but i don’t want her to think I’m gay”.  Or “I am really turned on by the idea of my wife having strap-on sex with me.  Does that mean that I’m gay?”.  Occasionally I will also get a woman asking for tips for successful pegging who also throws in a question about her partner’s sexuality.  So I wanted to unpack that question a little, and ask if pegging, or wanting to be pegged, means that a man is gay?

 

First of all, let’s talk about the reasons why someone might like to be pegged.  The most obvious answer is “because it feels good”.  The anus is packed with nerve endings which, when stimulated, can feel incredibly pleasurable.  Anal penetration is a great way to engage the prostate, which can feel amazing for the receptive partner.  Pegging also allows for multiple avenues of stimulation at once, as the partner wearing the strap on can also use their hands to play with their partner’s genitals or nipples.  So from a purely physical level, pegging feels great and that’s one reason why people like doing it.

 

Secondly, pegging creates a scenario that is mentally stimulating.  For a heterosexual man who has a penis, being penetrated is not something they typically get to experience.  Pegging flips the sexual script somewhat, and this can make the receptive partner feel vulnerable and even submissive.  Pegging often features in BDsM play where a male partner wishes to be dominated or “taken” by a female partner.  In addition to this, anal play is still considered something of a taboo, and so there’s the excitement that comes with doing something that we feel is illicit or naughty.  Pegging can be very intimate and romantic, and for some couples it’s an opportunity to try something new, to share a novel and special experience together. The emotional and intellectual stimulation is as much, if not more, a part of why people enjoy playing with strap-ons.

 

Just as anal play is still thought of as being “risque” there’s also a stereotype that anal penetration is “gay”.  There’s this idea that anal sex is a favourite pastime of all gay men, and so if you’re a man who craves butt sex, maybe that’s a sign that you’re secretly gay? Anal play has become stereotypically intertwined with homosexuality, so for a lot of people, wanting it up the butt is inherently gay.

 

I find this idea interesting for a couple of reasons.  First of all, anal play isn’t exclusive to men.  Literally anyone who is willing is able to experience butt play.  Everyone has a butt, and so anal play is one of the least gendered types of sex play available.  And yet it’s become so deeply linked in the public psyche with gay male culture.  Furthermore, anal sex isn’t as popular among homosexual men as you might think.  In a 2003 study of homosexual experiences in Australia, Andrew Grulich et al reported that only one third of their participants who identified as homosexual men engaged in anal sex.  On the other hand, three quarters of their gay male participants reported that they regularly engaged in oral sex.  So in actual fact, blow jobs are much more popular among homosexual men than anal sex.  Although some gay men do enjoy and engage in anal play, many do not.  And many people who are not gay men like having their butts played with.  The idea that anal sex is “gay” just isn’t correct.

 

Further to that, I don’t think that wanting to do particular sexual acts is an indicator of your sexuality.  I think what’s more important is who you want to be doing those acts with.  What defines homosexuality is being attracted to people of the same gender as yourself.  So if you’re a man, and you’re not attracted to other men, then you’re not gay.  If you’re a man who wants his wife/girlfriend/female sexual partner to bone him with a dildo, you’re probably not gay.  What matters here is who you’re attracted to, not which acts you include in your sexual repertoire.

 

And finally, there isn’t anything wrong with being gay, although I completely understand the confusion and fear that comes with questioning your own sexuality.  If you do have an inkling that you’re attracted to members of the same gender, that’s ok.   I think the fear that many people have of being “secretly gay” is one that stems from a worry that our identity is fluid, that things we feel are true about ourselves might not always be so.  In my limited experience, I’ve never met a person who was personally surprised to realise that they were not heterosexual.  Generally, people who are homosexual or bisexual tend to have an inkling that this is the case, even well before they’re willing to take on that label.

 

So no, I don’t think that wanting to try pegging means that you’re gay.  It could mean that you’re interested in exploring a new sensation, or you already know how great prostate stimulation is and you want more.  Or maybe you’re drawn to the power dynamics and sexual rebelliousness that pegging represents.  Whatever the reason, I don’t think that being curious about or turned on by pegging means that a man is harbouring same-sex tendencies.  (or that same-sex desires are something to be feared or ashamed of, but that’s a whole other blog post).

 

 

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What on earth is “tenting”?

Today’s blog post is brought to you by reader questions, duoballs and the letter “V”

I received a question from a reader when I mentioned that I had a low-sitting cervix in this review of the OVO L1 Loveballs.  This awesome reader very astutely pointed out that if my cervix sits low at certain points in my cycle, then that would mean that my vagina is very shallow.  And they wanted to know how people with low-lying cervices can have penetrative sex if their vaginas are only a couple of inches long.  I was quite excited to get this question, because it has a really interesting answer and it’s also something that not a lot of people know about.

Before we jump into answering this reader’s question, let’s take a quick peek at some pelvic anatomy, shall we?

vagina diagram

Ok, so you can see in the diagram above the vaginal canal and the cervix that sits on top. The cervix is the opening of the uterus, the gateway between the uterus and the vagina.  Now, this bit’s really important: a lot of people think of the vagina as an open tube, like a length of pipe.  In actual fact, the vagina is really more like a deflated balloon, in that most of the time the walls are flattened down and compacted.  It’s not a tunnel, it’s more like a sleeve.  But this deflated shape isn’t permanent.  Just like a penis can go from soft to hard, the vaginal canal can go from narrow to wide, and this happens during a process called “tenting”.

 

Tenting is a pretty nifty process that happens as part of the sexual response cycle in people who have vaginas.  The sexual response cycle is basically the body’s reaction to sexual stimuli, getting turned on and preparing for intercourse.  Everyone’s sexual response cycle differs a bit but generally all people with vaginas go through the same steps.  And “tenting” is one of those stages.  In order to prepare for penetration, the walls of the vagina become slightly swollen which increases sensitivity and also opens the vaginal canal to make penetration easier.  The uterus begins to draw upwards, lengthening the vaginal canal to make more room for a penis or object of penetration.  This swelling and lengthening is called “tenting” because it’s like the vagina is opening up like a tent, ready for your partner to come inside.  So  people with penises aren’t the only ones who pitch a tent when they get aroused!

 

If you’ve got a vagina, it’s likely that you’ve experienced this aspect of the sexual response cycle.  Consider how it feels when you try to put something inside the vagina when you’re not really turned on.  It might be very dry and everything feels a bit tight and uncomfortable.  Now compare that to the way it feels when you’re super aroused and rearing to go.  It’s so much easier to accept penetration (whether that’s a penis, fingers or a toy) when you’re turned on and you’ve had a chance to get ready.  The vagina is much more receptive, it’s likely to be slicker from lubrication and it feels more pleasurable because blood rushing to the area increases sensitivity.  This comparison highlights the importance of knowing your body and taking your time when it comes to sex.  As I said, everyone’s body works at a it’s own pace, but it generally takes a minimum of twenty minutes for a person with a vagina to reach the peak of that preparation phase and be fully ready for penetration.

 

So now you see how having a lower-lying cervix isn’t a problem when it comes to penetrative sex.   The vagina is a very clever body part that does some amazing things, and the way it prepares for sexy times is only one of them.  All it needs is a bit of time, patience and foreplay to help it along.

 

Do you have a sex question you want answered?  You can shoot me an email or get in touch via one of my social media channels.

Product review: Stainless steel princess plug

I started my butt-play adventures with a slim dildo and a small silicone plug.  After countless joyful sessions with each, I felt ready to move onto something more daring.  When I spotted this stainless steel butt plug at Kinkfest I knew it was just the toy I was looking for.  My decision was sealed when I caught the glitter of a giant purple jewel beaming on the base of the plug.  This royal toy was fit for a princess!  I gleefully took my new plug home to play.

I’d been keen to try a stainless steel toy ever since I’d read Erika’s review of the Njoy Pure Plug on Oh Joy Sex Toy.  The idea of wearing something metal inside your butt was more than a little intimidating to me, but it also tickled my curiosity until I knew that I just had to give it a go. And so, armed with a vibrator, my plug and plenty of lube, I embarked on my royal buttplug adventure.

The most noticeable feature of this plug is it’s temperature.  When you pick it up in your hand, that bad boy is freezing.  Inserting an icy-cold plug is a unique experience, and one that I didn’t find at all unpleasant. It’s a totally new sensation that wakes up all of those super sensitive nerve endings in your anus and makes them very receptive to touch.  After a short while, the steel warms up to your body heat, which feels amazing once it’s inside.  Unlike silicone plugs, steel plugs conduct temperature beautifully which makes them ideal for temperature and sensation play.

In addition to being cold, stainless steel is also wonderfully slick and smooth.  The surface of this toy has absolutely no seams or marks which means it’s easy to insert and comfortable to wear. There are no rough edges to irritate your backside and it offers very little resistance or drag.  It doesn’t dry out your lube like silicone toys tend to, which means you can play comfortably for longer.

I’m a huge fan of the shape of this plug.  It has a traditional teardrop shape, with a pointed tip flaring out to a rounded body, getting gradually wider.  Then at the widest point, it nips in again to a very narrow stem and flared base.  This shape has a number of benefits.  Firstly, that pointed tip is ideal for warming up the anus, ready for play.  It’s a nice small surface that you can press gently against the opening while you wait for it to relax.   The gradual widening of the body allows you to gently ease the toy into your backdoor, without feeling forced or tight.  I am especially impressed with the narrow stem.  I find plugs that allow your anus to accept the toy and then close behind the widest part to be the most comfortable for long term wear.  If the stem of the plug is too thick, it can result in a stretching sensation that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

The princess plugs are definitely heftier than a silicone butt plug.  Stainless steel is rigid and heavy and that weight is obvious when you are wearing the plug.  When standing or walking, it puts gentle pressure on the opening of the anus, the location of many sensitive nerve endings.  This weight and pressure feels amazingly pleasurable without being too intense.  The rigid material gives you a really full feeling, even though the plug itself isn’t very large.  In this way, stainless steel offers a uniquely sensual experience that I’ve never had with any of my silicone plugs.

This toy has a number of uses.  Firstly, it’s a good warm-up for more intense anal play.  Secondly, it’s fun to wear for more extended periods to increase arousal and draw your attention to your butt.  Like wearing a pair of ben wah balls, walking around with a plug in has a feeling of delicious taboo, like  you have a secret that nobody else knows about.  Finally, I love wearing this plug during penetrative play.  The rigid material and sloped shape help to narrow your vaginal canal, so penetration feels tighter and more intense.  The angle of the toy also directs your partner’s penis or dildo towards your g-spot.  If you struggle to stimulate your g-spot during penetrative sex, then wearing a butt plug during sex could be a fun solution.

I also adore the base of this plug.  When inserted, that little gem looks adorable sparkling between my butt cheeks.  It’s like arse jewellery!  The base is wide enough to stop the toy venturing further than it should, but small enough to nestle between the folds of your backside so that it’s not obtrusive and uncomfortable.

Stainless steel is an amazing material for butt toys because it’s non porous and easy to clean.  It won’t harbour any smells and there is no place for bacteria to get trapped and fester.  You can easily clean it in the sink with warm water and gentle soap.

I purchased my princess plug from Black Peaches, an Australian vendor who is sadly no longer operating. However there are a number of similar plugs on the market.  DDlg world has a range of stainless steel plugs, including ones with heart-shaped jewels, ones with tails attached and adorable rosebud adornments.  You can use the code NESSBOW to get 10% off your order at DDlg world, which makes these plugs super affordable.  If you”re interested in something at the higher end of the scale, Lucent makes a very beautiful jewel accented plug with chrome plating.

Product review: Wevibe Rave

If one was to make a list of the sexiest words you could think of, do you think “ergonomic” would make the list?  Nope.  It definitely wouldn’t.  It would be lingering around the bottom with words like “durable” and “flannelette”.  And yet, ergonomics is actually super important when it comes to sex toys.  A toy that is easy to hold and manoeuvre is vital if you have limited mobility, difficulty with grip or struggle with stamina.  In addition to just being easier to use, ergonomic toys that are designed to fit your anatomy will have a much better chance of hitting all the right spots.  And so I come to the Wevibe Rave: an ergonomic toy that works like a dream.

Wevibe seem to be well aware that “ergonomic” isn’t an exciting word, so instead they’ve opted to use the term “Sensually Sculpted” on the packaging. But what it all boils down to is the fact that the shape of this toy is just made to fit in your hand, find your pleasure buttons and work them with ease.

So what makes the shape of this toy so darn pleasing?  Well, let’s begin by looking at the curve of the Rave.  The shaft of the toy has a gentle swoop, so it resembles a boomerang.  That bend means that when inserted into a vagina, the head of the toy is already perfectly positioned against the front wall of the vagina, which is where the g-spot is located.  Many people find that the g-spot responds best to repetitive pressure rather than thrusting, so the curve of this toy provides excellent leverage for rocking the head against your g-spot.  The handle fits easily into your hand, and you need very little effort to create the perfect rocking motion.  This is great news for people with arthritis, wrist issues or limited upper body mobility.

The curve also has a second benefit.  Although the Rave is intended to be used as a g-spot vibrator, it also works as an external vibrator.  When facing downwards, the curve lines the toy up with your genitals so you’re not having to twist around to try to find the right spot.


The Rave is assymetrical, and the shaft has one side that is somewhat flat, rising up to a bulge on one side.  I was very unsure of this shape when I saw it, but in practice it’s unlike anything I’ve tried.  As I mentioned before, the Rave works beautifully when rocked against the g-spot, but it can also be twisted to create a massaging sensation.  It took me a while to get the hang of it, because it’s not really a natural instinct to twist something inside your vagina but it blew my mind.  It’s like a firm massage of the g-spot, rather than a frantic pounding.  It’s a new sensation for me and one that I love.

The asymmetric head also makes the Rave a great external vibrator, because it gives you lots of different surfaces to play with.  If you prefer a wide area of stimulation, you can lay the head of the vibe against your clitoris.  For more pinpointed precision, use the edge of the head to send vibration exactly where you want it.  I love the versatility this offers, and the fact that this shape makes the Rave suitable for a wide range of bodies and preferences.

When it comes to vibrations, the Rave offers top notch quality.  Deep, rumbly and penetrating vibrations make this toy a winner.  For me personally, my clitoris will tolerate buzzy vibes, but much prefers a rumble.  But my g-spot simply will not put up with buzzy vibrations.  It must be rumbly or my g-spot cracks a tantrum and refuses to play.  The beautifully deep vibrations of this toy make my g-spot sing.  It is also very quiet, which is unusual for such a powerful toy.

There are a couple of things that I wasn’t thrilled about with this toy.  The first one was the controls.  The Rave has three buttons on the handle: a + to turn the intensity up, a – to turn it down and a centre button to cycle through the patterns and turn the toy on and off.  However, the buttons are set right into the silicone and it’s not obvious by touch where they are.  You also have to press the buttons very firmly before they’ll respond.  On one hand, this is a good thing because it reduces the chance of inadvertently pressing the wrong button at a crucial moment.  On the other, it means that it can be frustrating to control and may pose difficulties for people with limited dexterity.

 

One way that you can get around this difficulty is by using the We-Connect app.  The app allows you to easily swipe through the different modes and increase or decrease the vibrations with a tap of a finger.  It does bother me a little that I had to use my cell phone to control my gorgeous toy, but the app does make the Rave easier to use.

 

The We-Connect app also offers an option for long-distance play with a partner.  Your partner can use their phone to control your vibrator from anywhere in the world….or at least that’s the theory.  The app easily loses connectivity in the long-distance mode, and doesn’t actually give you a warning that it’s no longer connected.  So your partner will think that they’re still controlling the toy, while you’re lying there wondering why you’ve been stuck on the same setting for five minutes.  The tagline of the app is “the app that brings couples together”, but my boyfriend and I spent most of our sexy long-distance sessions yelling at our phones and frantically texting “is it working now?” over and over. After I had such a roaring success with the Lovesense Lush, I was thoroughly disappointed that the long-distance setting on the We-Connect app wasn’t up to snuff.

Other than those two hiccups, I was really impressed with the Rave.  It has a couple of other features that I adore, such as a low-power warning and 100% body safe silicone that is soft and velvety. Overall I think the We-Vibe Rave is an excellent all-round vibrator.  It’s shape makes it extremely versatile and opens the door for inventive play.  The ergonomic design is fantastic and the vibration quality and range gives you heaps of variety to experiment with.  I adore this toy and it’s quickly become one of my nightstand favourites.

DDlg World

I’m a huge fan of anything adorable and sweet.  When it comes to sex toys, I’m drawn to designs that are inspired by mythical creatures like fairies, unicorns and sea monsters.  I adore lingerie that’s lacy and ultra femme and BDsM accessories with a soft edge.  So I was thrilled when I discovered DDlg World, a store that caters to my sugar-coated tastes.

 

DDlg World has a huge range of sex toys, BDsM gear and accessories at excellent prices.  They have an impressive selection of glass wands in so many extraordinary textures, butt plugs with jewels and tails attached and adorable costumes to ignite your imagination.  Today I thought I’d show you some of my favourite things in the DDlg World store, and give you a peek at my personal wishlist.

This under-mattress restraint system just looks like so much fun.  I like the idea of having cuffs attached to my bed so that any time I felt like playing, I could just jump right into it without setting up spreader bars or points of attachment.  The cuffs look really soft and comfortable, and are faux fur.  Plus, you can easily tuck the cuffs away when they’re not in use, so nobody would know that your bedroom doubles as a dungeon!

 

I have a whole rainbow of dildo colours in my collection…but I don’t have a rainbow dildo!  This semi-realistic toy is 100% silicone and has a suction cup base for hands-free play. What fun!

 

I have a soft spot for glass toys, and the bumpy texture on this Pink Glass Heart Wand has my heart all a-flutter.  It has a slight curve which would make it great for g-spotting and glass is great for temperature play.

 

I’m a huge fan of wand-style vibrators, and I love the idea of the dial control on this Fairy Magic Wand.  I feel like having a dial would allow you to build the intensity of vibrations slowly, which would be awesome.

 

Not only does this cage harness look fierce, the O  ring at the throat acts as a point of attachment for bondage.  You could attach a leash and lead your sub around the room, or use the harness as a base for some beautiful shibari rope bondage.

 

This is just a taste of some of the goodies DDlg World has in store.  I definitely recommend taking a closer look at their shop if you’re interested in adorable BDsM gear or toys.  And if you see something that you like, you can use the code “nessbow” to get a 10% discount off your order.  I’ll be reviewing some of their toys in the future as well, so keep your eyes peeled for upcoming reviews.

My IUD is gone

You might remember that a few months ago I wrote about my experience having my IUD inserted.  Well, I now have another chapter to add to that story, to close the book on my experience with the Mirena IUD.

roulette-roulette-wheel-ball-turn.jpg

I had the Mirena inserted in September, 2017.  I had very few side effects and was extremely pleased with it.  I felt very safe in the knowledge that it was in my uterus, just hanging out and zapping any sperm that swam into the vicinity.  Well OK, the IUD doesn’t literally “zap” sperm.  It just disorients them and thins the uterine lining so that if one of those little buggers does manage to fertilize my egg, the egg can’t implant into the uterine wall and turn into a baby.  At any rate, things were going well and I felt very confident that the IUD was working as it should be.

 

Then in January this year I saw my doctor because I was having some abdominal pains.  My doctor sent me for a bunch of tests, which included an ultrasound and a pregnancy test.  The pregnancy test came back negative, which was a massive relief.  Even when I know that I’ve been practising safer sex, there is still a feeling of monumental reassurance when I see that single blue line show up on a pregnancy test.  My ultrasound was a little bit more alarming.

 

As the technician was preparing me for my pelvic ultrasound, she asked me a bunch of questions about my sexual history and what contraceptives I was using.  I told her that I had the Mirena IUD and that I was having regular sex with a monogamous partner.  She then did two ultrasounds- one externally over my abdomen and back (to check my kidneys) and another trans-vaginal ultrasound which is internal.  After she was finished, the technician instructed me to clean off the ultrasound goo, get dressed and then wait for her to return so she could talk to me.  I was a bit nervous because I’ve never been asked to stay behind after an ultrasound and I was worried that some very bad news was in the offing.

 

The technician was quick to tell me that she hadn’t seen anything abnormal, and although my doctor would give me my full results, she hadn’t seen anything to indicate that there was anything wrong.  Everything was where it should be….except one thing.  “I can’t locate your IUD anywhere on the scans” the tech told me.  I was taken aback and asked her if she was sure.  She replied that she’d done a really extensive scan of my entire pelvis, and that the IUD was nowhere to be seen.  So it was likely that the IUD had been expelled from my body.  She warned me that I needed to use barrier contraceptives until I’d sorted out other birth control and then showed me to the door.

 

I spent the entire walk home feeling disoriented and puzzled.  How could the IUD be gone? I knew that there was a possibility that IUDs could be expelled but this didn’t make sense to me.  It took so long and hurt a lot to get it in my uterus in the first place, how could it possibly have dropped out of there without me knowing? Surely, expelling an IUD would hurt, at least a little, right?  And even if it didn’t hurt, if it did come out of my body, surely it would have turned up in my underwear or something.   I was completely baffled.

 

After denial over losing the IUD came anger.  I was furious.  I’d spent a fair chunk of money on doctors appointments and the unit itself, I’d gone through the pain of having it inserted and the stupid thing hadn’t even had the decency to stick around and do it’s job?  I was mad at the doctor who had put the IUD in, worried that maybe she didn’t do it properly, and frustrated with my own body for rejecting it.

 

And then an icy wall of realisation slapped me across the face.  If I didn’t know when the IUD was expelled….it might have been missing for months.  Which means that I’d been having unprotected sex for months.  I knew I wasn’t pregnant because I’d just taken a pregnancy test, but holy crap, I’d been playing Russian Roulette with my uterus.  That thought was the thing that frightened me most of all.  I don’t want kids.  Ever.  And the idea that I was unknowingly at risk of becoming pregnant was enough to nearly make me lose my lunch.  I felt like I’d dodged a bullet, because it really was only by sheer dumb luck that I hadn’t fallen pregnant.

 

I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor to discuss the results of the ultrasound. She confirmed that there was no trace of the Mirena anywhere in my body.  It’s gone.  She believes that the abdominal pain I experienced was related to my uterus expelling the IUD.  As to where the actual unit has gone, it’s possible that it was flushed down the toilet or washed down the drain in the shower without me knowing.  Either way, it’s not in my body anymore.

 

It turns out that expulsion is actually not that uncommon with IUD’s.  Around 5% of people who have a Mirena implanted will expel the device.  Expulsion usually happens in the first three months of having an IUD, but it can happen later on.  Expulsion can be painless, and it’s possible for it to happen without you knowing.  And that’s pretty scary, because it means that you might think you’re protected from unwanted pregnancy, when actually you’re still fertile.

 

I’m not telling you this to frighten you, or to put you off getting an IUD.  IUDs are a very effective form of birth control and work for lots of people.  But they do come with risks and they can fail.  That’s why it’s incredibly important to consider all the different contraceptive options available and also to listen to the messages your body is sending you.  If I hadn’t had that abdominal pain, I might not have had the ultrasound and wouldn’t have known that my IUD wasn’t in position.  I am glad that I listened to my body telling me that something wasn’t right, and got it checked out.

 

So this has been a very frightening and confusing experience.  I’m still feeling upset but relieved that things weren’t as bad as they could be.  I’m back to square one with contraception, and I’ll be getting an Implanon rod inserted soon.  If you’re interested, I’ll chronicle my experience with the Implanon, and also answer any questions you might have about it and the Mirena IUD.  Fingers crossed I have more success this time.

Product review: OVO L1 Loveballs

I’d been on the hunt for a set of kegel balls when I spotted the OVO Loveballs.  I’d previously tried a set of basic Doc Johnson Ben Wah Balls which I wasn’t taken with.  Then I got a set of duoballs as part of a “free gift with purchase”.  I liked them a lot but they were average quality and I resolved to upgrade to something a bit sturdier.  That’s when I found the OVO Loveballs at the Passionate Jade stall at Kinkfest.   They were only $30, which seemed like the perfect price for an experiment.  So I  snapped up a set and took them home to play with.

Firstly, let’s quickly talk about the difference between ben wah balls and duoballs.  Both are inserted into the vagina with the purpose of strengthing the kegels to provide stronger orgasms, a tighter vaginal canal and even assist with incontinence.  Ben wah balls are a pair of solid balls that are inserted and held in place by the vaginal walls.  Duoballs on the other hand feature a free moving ball encased in an outer shell.   They usually come in pairs and are inserted into the vaginal canal.  While the wearer has to focus on contracting the kegel muscles to keep a set of ben wah balls in place, wearing a set of duoballs is a more passive experience.  The inner balls move slightly during normal activity and this movement is felt by the kegel muscles.  The muscles will contract involuntarily in response to this movement.  So when you wear a set of duoballs, you don’t have to concentrate on actively working the kegel muscles, the muscles basically do the work for you.

The OVO Loveballs come packaged in a dainty little box.  The box contains two sets of duoballs- a lightweight coloured set and a heavier silver set.   The balls come in three different colours: light blue, violet and lilac.  I got the lilac set.  The kit also contains a silicone casing which holds two balls at a time.  There is also a warranty card (the OVO products all come with a 15 year warranty) and an instruction manual (which seems excessively thick for a booklet that could just read “stick these up your vagina, go about your business, remove, wash, repeat”).

The OVO Loveballs won an honourable mention in the 2013 Red Dot Design awards.  The clever design makes these duoballs really versatile and suitable for a range of bodies.  To begin with, the outer casing is a soft, pliable silicone which is non-porous and body safe.  The balls themselves are made of ABS plastic, which is body safe but can be porous.  Which means that they are safe to use, but not safe to share.

The intended way to use the duoballs is to select the two that you wish to use, slip them into the silicone casing and then insert them into your vagina.  The casing is really soft and it’s easy to slip the balls in and out as needed.  The casing also has a nifty retrieval cord which makes it extremely easy to remove the toy from your body.  However, I noticed that using the Loveballs in this way doesn’t work for my body all the time.  The reason for this is that I have a fairly low cervix, which means that my vaginal canal is relatively shallow.  Like most women, the depth of my vagina changes throughout the month, as the cervix moves up and down during my monthly cycle.  So early in my cycle, wearing the balls in the casing was perfectly comfortable.  Later in my cycle, I found that my vagina was too shallow to insert the balls far enough to be comfortable when they were in the casing.

The OVO Loveballs cleverly get around this issue though, because you can just as easily insert the balls without the casing.  So on days when my cervix is riding a little lower, I can just use one ball instead of two and it’s much more comfortable.  You could also take this approach if you’re finding that two balls is too heavy to begin with, starting with just one of the lighter balls and then working your way up.

Being able to remove the balls from the case also means that you can mix and match weights, starting with the two light balls, then one of each, then the two heavy balls.  I personally love this feature because it recognises that no two vaginas are the same, and every vagina changes a bit depending on a range of hormonal and physical factors.  I am impressed with this toy’s ability to accommodate a range of physical differences and allows you to customise how you use them.

There are two slight downsides to using the balls without the casing.  The first is that you won’t have that handy retrieval cord.  That’s not a big deal, because it’s pretty easy to reach the balls if you squat and/ or bear down a little with your pelvic floor.  But if you don’t like fumbling around in your vagina then this might not be for you.  Secondly, each of the balls has a seam where the two halves have been joined together.  You can easily position the casing so that it covers this seam, but without the case the seam is exposed.  The balls are fairly smooth, but you might find that this seam causes discomfort or irritation after a long period of use.  It also makes the balls tricky to clean, because bodily secretions tend to gather in the seam.

I’ve worn my OVO Loveballs a lot and they’re really comfortable.  I started out wearing these around the house, and quickly felt adventurous enough to leave the house with them.  They stay in place perfectly.  I’ve worn them to the supermarket, on the train, out to dinner and to the movies with no dramas.  You can feel the inner balls moving around as you shift your weight but it’s not a strong sensation.

One thing I will note is that the Loveballs are advertised as being “inaudible” and I don’t think they are.  I have noticed that if I make a sharp movement I can hear them rattling even when they’re inside my body.  While they are discreet, they do make a very quiet noise in response to sudden and dramatic motion.  But I mean, I doubt anyone will notice and if they do, it’s unlikely they’d guess that the noise they’re hearing is something rattling inside your vagina.

The Ovo Loveballs probably won’t rock your socks or feel stimulating to wear.  However, they can be excellent for foreplay as they really draw your attention to your genitals, and can make you feel like you’re doing something cheeky and taboo.  They’re also excellent for BDsM play as a Top might order a submissive to wear them in preparation for a meeting, or in public as punishment for a transgression.  Although they don’t produce an orgasm on their own, they can be a great tool for putting you in a sexy mindset or to introduce during power exchange scenes.

For just $30 I think the OVO Loveballs are an excellent addition to your toybox.  They’re admirable quality for the price and they’re so versatile.  They will work for a huge range of bodies and you can easily customise them to suit your needs.  They’re beautifully designed and can open up a range of play options.  If you’re interested in improving your kegel strength or just want something fun to try, I definitely recommend giving these a go.