S is for Sadism

This is part 3. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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S is for Sadism

Sadism refers to the practice of deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, discomfort and humiliation upon another person.  In the BDsM context, it often involves a consensual exchange of power in which the Dominant partner inflicts pain upon the submissive partner.  Sadism is a strong feature in many aspects of BDsM play, including:

  • Impact play, such as spanking, caning, whipping or flogging.
  • Wax play, where hot wax is dripped onto the skin of a submissive partner
  • Humiliation play, where the submissive party is required to perform actions that they find degrading, wear clothing that embarrasses them or is subjected to ridicule.
  • Knife play
  • Electro-sex, where a violet wand or tens unit is used to inflict electrical shocks, currents and sensations.
  • Bondage scenes where the submissive partner is restrained in an uncomfortable or unflattering position.
  • Torture scenes, which may include breast torture, cock and ball torture or bastinado (foot torture).
  • Role play scenes that are intended to induce fear in the submissive party.

While a lot of these types of play may seem frightening and worrisome to a person who is unfamiliar with BDsM, the fact is that in practice they are carefully planned and controlled.  Although physical and psychological pain are large components of scenes that involve Sadism, most sexual sadist aren’t bullies or meanies.  There are a number of different reasons that a person may be excited by sexual sadism, for example:

  • Enjoying the physical sensation of wielding the tools of the trade, such as floggers, whips and paddles.
  • Relishing the feeling of control and dominance over another person.
  • Being aroused or excited by the reactions of the submissive partner
  • Performing a service for the submissive, by fulfilling their desires and helping them to face their fears and fantasies.
  • Enjoyment in the planning of a scene or the polishing of skills such as whipping or torture.
  • Fascination in the operation of the body, in seeing how the body responds to certain treatment and pain.
  • Feeling a sense of joy or pleasure at earning the trust of a submissive party.

The topic of Sadism is one that I’ve found elicits strong responses in people who are not familiar with the world and practice of BDsM.  And I can see why.  From the outside, the idea of a person who enjoys hurting others can be very frightening. The image our minds conjures up when we talk about torture and humiliation is that of a villain or a bully. But in the real-life practice of BDsM, this often couldn’t be further from the truth.  Many people who practice sexual sadism are caring, loving individuals.  Some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met have sadistic tendencies in the bedroom.  As with any of the other practices in BDsM, there are a number of special considerations that must be undertaken to ensure that the scene you are partaking in is safe, sane and consensual:

  • Long before any play begins, the parties involved should take the time to have an open and frank discussion about personal limits and set specific guidelines for how the scene should progress.
  • The submissive party should disclose any medical conditions or injuries.
  • Safewords should be employed in situations where sadism play is taking place.  A safeword is a word or phrase that, when uttered, brings the action to a halt.
  • The dominant party should be aware of their own personal skill level and limitations and operate within those boundaries.
  • Before participating in impact play, learn the parts of the body that are safe to hit, and those which must be avoided.
  • Make sure that all equipment used, such as floggers or paddles, needles, sex toys or gags, are clean and in working order.
  • Do your research.  Read books, watch videos and visit blogs that deal with the particular type of play you are interested in.  Practice your skills and hone your knowledge before attempting a new type of play.
  • Build up trust and intimacy slowly.  S&M play requires a huge amount of trust between the parties involved, and this can only be built over time.  I don’t recommend engaging in S&M with someone you don’t know well enough to be sure that you can trust them.
  • Never participate in sexual sadism if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  If your judgement is impaired, you could wind up badly hurting your submissive.
  • Ensure that you have first aid supplies at hand in case something goes wrong.  Bruises, cuts and scrapes do happen sometimes even in the most carefully planned scene.
  • Aftercare is vitally important in scenes that involve pain or humiliation. Both the dominant and submissive parties need time to come down after a scene, tend to their bodies and minds and debrief.

As you can see, sadism isn’t all about torture and trials, it’s about creativity, curiosity, nurturing and fascination. It’s about eliciting a response and exploring our limits and skills. People who identify as sexual sadists aren’t necessarily horrible or cruel, and most are fantastically caring and kind.  As with all aspects of BDsM, there is a level of danger involved in indulging one’s sadistic urges, but with proper planning and care, they can be explored safely and with great success.

 

In my final chapter of The ABC’s of BDsM, I’ll be talking about the flipside of the S&M coin: Masochism.

If you enjoyed this chapter, you may enjoy my previous posts:

D is for Discipline

This is part 2. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

DSCF8568D is for Discipline

Discipline refers to the use of rules to control behaviour and the consequences that may arise as a result of breaking these rules.  In a BDsM context, discipline usually involves some form of power exchange between a dominant party (the person imposing the rules and doling out punishment) and a submissive party (the person adhering to the restrictions).

 

Discipline appears in the BDsM world in countless ways.  It may be applied to a short-lived scene, or employed over a long period of time by people participating in Dominant/submissive relationships.  The ways in which discipline is carried out varies widely across situations, but some of the more common uses of discipline include:

  • “Punishment” role play scenes between an authority figure and a submissive party such as a teacher and a student.
  • Rules or contracts between partners in long-term relationships to prune bad habits and foster beneficial behaviour.
  • Protocol.  Protocol is a huge topic all of it’s own, but it essentially boils down to codes of conduct for submissives, such as the correct way to sit, stand, kneel, serve drinks and perform other tasks.  It is similar to etiquette and is usually employed either at home or at specific BDsM events.
  • Orgasm control, where a submissive party is only permitted to orgasm with the permission of their dominant.
  • Chastity play, where the submissive party is forbidden to engage in sexual contact with another person or to touch themselves sexually.  This may involve the use of chastity devices.
  • Training as part of pet play, slave training or service submission training.

Discipline overlaps heavily with the other aspects of BDsM, particularly sadism and masochism.  I will talk more about these aspects in future posts.  It is often the case that a sadistic dominant will impose difficult or impossible rules as an excuse to inflict pain or punishment upon their submissive.  Discipline also plays a role in many common bondage scenes, and bondage may be used as a punishment when rules are broken.

Discipline commonly comes into play with couples who have a long term Dominant/submissive relationship or power exchange.  In these types of relationship, the dominant party will set rules and standards of expected behaviour for the submissive.  These rules will sometimes be put in place purely for the pleasure of the dominant, and may include restrictions on how the submissive may dress, how they will address the dominant, where they will sleep and tasks they must perform for the dominant.  Other rules may be set in place to assist the submissive to learn a new skill or break a habit.

Consequences for breaking rules vary from mild to extreme depending on the type of relationship and the desires of the parties involved.  Some common punishments include:

  • Spanking, whipping or flogging
  • bondage or restrictions of movement
  • humiliation
  • being made to sit in a corner
  • writing lines
  • forced orgasm
  • Performing unpleasant chores such as washing the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush
  • An apology.

There is a difference between punishments for play and punishments for behavioural training.  In a play scene, punishments like spankings or bondage are more likely to be used, because these are things that the submissive party will find enjoyable.  In the case where a dominant is training a submissive, punishments are more likely to be unpleasant, because they are intended to be something that the submissive will wish to avoid.

Why do people enjoy discipline?  Well, as I mentioned earlier, discipline fits very neatly with sadism and masochism, two of the other branches of BDsM.  Discipline is a perfect pretext for punishments such as canings and spankings, as well as humiliation play.  Discipline is a wonderful tool for learning and improving the self.  Many people enjoy controlling the behaviour of others or being controlled and following orders.  Some find it freeing to have a set of rules in place, so have someone else make those choices for them and to know that all they have to do it follow the rules.  The desire to please is a strong part of the pull towards discipline, whether that means being proud of your own achievements or earning praise from your master or dominant.

As with any BDsM play or practice, discipline should be carried out in a safe, sane and consensual way.  Some specific considerations include the following:

  • Rules and punishments should always be carefully negotiated. Both parties should discuss the reasons for a rule and any objections should be talked through.
  • Rule sheets and contracts should be reviewed from time to time. I know many people in D/s relationships who have a set date every month to review their rules and discuss what is working, what is not, remove rules that have become obsolete and add new rules.
  • It may be worthwhile giving each new rule a trial period before it becomes a part of your formal rule agreement (if you have one).  This helps to identify any practical issues that may not become immediately obvious.
  • Don’t try to add too many rules at once.  This can become overwhelming and untenable.
  • Punishments should be unpleasant, but they should never injure or traumatize a submissive.
  • Don’t make rules that will negatively impinge upon employment, family commitments or personal health.
  • Communicate.  Often, openly and honestly.

Discipline is a huge topic, and not one that I can cover in a single blog post.  If there are any specific questions you have, please feel free to get in touch with me and I will attempt to answer them in future posts.

Next time, I’ll be delving into the practice of Sadism.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you may like to check out the other posts in this series:

B is for Bondage

This is part 1. of a series of posts I will be writing called The ABC’s of BDsM.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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B is for Bondage

Bondage refers to the act of  restraining another person.  Bondage may involve restricting a person’s bodily movement, or it can extend to restricting speech and ability to see, through gagging and blindfolding.  Physical bondage is most common, however, bondage may also be psychological, when the dominant partner forbids the submissive partner to move or speak.

There are countless different types of bondage, and the tools of the trade range from the simple to the extreme.  Some common tools for bondage include the following:

  • Rope (which may be used for the Japanese art of shibari)
  • Bondage tape
  • cling film
  • Hand and ankle cuffs
  • Hogties, which force the ankles and wrists to be bound together, either in front of or behind the body.
  • Silk scarves or ties
  • Bondage furniture, such as the St Andrews Cross.
  • Bondage clothing, such as mitts that restrict the use of hands, hobble trousers or corsetry, masks, hoods, binders and straitjackets.
  • Gags, such as ball gags, bit gags, cloth gags, rope gags, o-ring gags and spider gags.
  • Blindfolds
  • Portable points of attachment, such as over-the-door restraints and under-the-bed restraints.
  • Collars
  • Spreader bars

 

There are countless ways to employ bondage techniques.  It could be as simple as the dominant partner blindfolding the submissive so that they can’t see what is going on, or as complex as tying their limbs into a fixed position and suspending them in the air.  Bondage play may employ just one technique, or a multitude of tools and restraints.  As with all types of BDsM, bondage may or may not include a sexual element.  Many bondage enthusiasts enjoy it for it’s own reasons, and do not mix sex with play.  Others use bondage to enhance sexual encounters.  Bondage is often an element in role playing scenes, such as a kidnapping scenario or sexual torture fantasies.

 

So, why are people into bondage?  The reasons why people explore bondage play are as diverse and numbered as the players themselves.  It would be impossible for me to list every reason here.  But there are some reasons that are most common.  For example, a lot of players enjoy the feeling of vulnerability, the idea that they are helpless at at the mercy of their dominant partner.  For some, bondage gives them a sense of safety and security, a feeling of being held tightly.  Others enjoy the beauty of bondage, and see bondage as a way to create a living sculpture or work of art using rope, chains and clothing.  Every person’s reasons for enjoying this practice are complex and varied, as with any type of BDsM play.

As I mentioned earlier, bondage may be extremely simple or devilishly complicated.  But any bondage scene must be carefully planned and discussed between the people who will be playing.  All BDsM play should be safe, sane and consensual.  Here are some important bondage-specific safety concerns to keep in mind:

  • You should choose your equipment with care, making sure that any locks and fasteners are in good working order and that there are no sharp edges that might hurt your submissive.
  • Safety shears should always be kept on hand to release the submissive quickly if the need arises.  It’s always better to ruin your equipment than cause injury to your play partner.
  • Any scene should be preceded with a frank and honest discussion of your wants, needs and limitations.  This includes disclosure of any medical ailments or prior injuries that need to be taken into account when constructing the scene.
  • Both parties should make themselves aware of the signs of distress to look for, and keep bondage sessions short to begin with.
  • The submissive should be released immediately if they experience numbness or tingling in their limbs, or if the restrained limb becomes pale or cold to the touch.
  • Safe words or signals should always be discussed and respected.  If the submissive is gagged, a signal such as holding up three fingers, ringing a bell or dropping an object placed in their hand before play can be used.
  • Don’t underestimate the importance of education and practice in bondage.  Bondage can be very dangerous and as such you shouldn’t rush into something complex that you are not ready for.  Read books on the subject, take classes or attend events where you can learn techniques from more experienced players, watch demonstrations and practice your techniques well before using them on a partner.

As you can see, bondage is an exciting and titillating aspect of BDsM play, which has endless applications and appeal.  It can be simple and basic or intricate and complex.

 

So now we know that B is for Bondage. Next time, I’ll be taking you through the ins and outs of discipline

 

 

 

 

 

 

Product review: Tantus Purr dildo

I don’t believe I’ve ever crushed as hard on an inanimate object as I have on the Tantus Purr dildo.  This toy is undoubtedly one of my favourites and I’m extremely excited to share it with you today.

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I purchased the Purr way back in January as part of Tantus’ new years sale.  I was looking for a toy that had either great texture or dramatic size, and in the Purr I got both.  My eyes were instantly drawn to the amazing pink pearl colour.  This particular shade is just so pretty and it really does have a gorgeous pearly sheen to it that makes it look utterly magical.  If pink isn’t your thing, the Purr also comes in Purple Haze, which is a stunning galactic purple shade.
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To begin with, I want to talk about the texture on this toy.  The Purr features a series of deep ribs down the shaft.  I am always a little bit dubious when it comes to textured toys, because often I can’t feel those ridges and bumps during use.  I’ve always scoffed at condoms that are “ribbed for her pleasure” because I’m yet to meet a woman who can detect those puny ribs, let alone derive pleasure from them.  But the Purr is a whole other story.  During entry, those ribs buzz a beautiful tune along my inner lips and drag deliciously inside me.  The feeling is still subtle, but very pleasurable indeed.

 

The Purr is what I call a “front-loaded” toy, in that it has a pronounced head and is heavier towards the front end.  I personally love toys that have this particular weight distribution because they feel wonderful against my G-spot.  The Purr also feels great during shallow thrusting because of that big, bold head.  The head is perfectly rounded which makes it easy to insert, although it’s not as tapered as some other toys I own.

 

Now, we need to talk about the size of this toy.  When I pulled it out of the box, my eyes watered a little because I thought it would be much too big to play with comfortably.  Before this, I always imagined that my vagina was a dainty little flower which should only be penetrated with slim, slender toys.  And up until this point all of my toys fit that description.  But the Purr made me realise how much I enjoy big toys.  I don’t think I’ve quite earned the title of Size Queen, but I’ll comfortably admit to being a Size Princess.  The Purr is 6.75 inches long and 1.4 inches wide at the head.  So it ain’t little.  But boy, does it feel great.  The silicone is fairly firm, which means that it doesn’t have a whole lot of give to it.  This and the girth of the toy means that I usually need a little warm up before I’m ready to jump in with this one.  But once you’re properly ready, the size and width of this toy will fill you up and feel wonderful.

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The flared base of the Purr is a very important feature.  Firstly, it makes it harness compatible.  It slips neatly into my harness and I honestly adore the way this looks when I’m wearing it.  The flexibility of the silicone combined with the weight of the head give it a nice little ‘bob’ when you walk which I quite love.  Additionally, the flared base means that you can use the Purr anally, for pegging or solo play.  The size of this toy means that it is definitely not for beginners to butt play, but experienced pegging fans may enjoy tackling the challenge.  Admittedly, I tried this one in my butt because I was dying to experience the intensity of those ribs, but sadly it had me beat.  Although my vagina loves big toys, my butt still prefers the small, dainty variety.

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You’ll also notice that the Purr has a hole in the bottom of the base.  What on earth is that for?  Well, it has two uses.  The first are to insert a suction cup, which allows you to attach the toy to the shower, a chair, the wall or another flat surface for hands-free fun.

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Secondly, the hole can be used to house a vibrating bullet to turn your dildo into a vibrator.  The Purr comes with a small Tantus bullet, which fits snugly into the hole.  Admittedly, I found the vibe very disappointing when used this way.  The dense silicone really muffles the vibrations so they are pretty well dampened by the dildo.  But on it’s own, the bullet really packs a punch.  For a battery operated bullet, this thing has a fair amount of buzz.  It operates with a single click-on-click-off button and only has one power setting, but it’s a nice basic bullet.  I prefer using the bullet on my clit while thrusting with the Purr rather than using it in the intended way.
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The Purr is made with Tantus’s gorgeous glossy silicone, which is smooth to the touch and completely body safe.  It is waterproof and can be cleaned in the sink or even in the dishwasher for a really thorough clean.

 

The Purr retails for $74.21 on the Tantus site.  However, you can use the code NESSBOW15 to get 15% off your purchase at the checkout.  The quality of this toy make it well worth the price, and I’d happily recommend it to my readers.  Although I purchased it nearly a year ago, and I have loads of other toys, this is one that I come back to over and over.  It’s a winner in my eyes.

Oz Kink Fest haul

This past weekend I was lucky enough to attend the Oz Kink Fest Expo at the Fitzroy town hall.  It was like a cornucopia of amazing sex toys, bondage gear, lingerie and sex positivity.  Needless to say, I had an absolute blast and bought a stack of new goodies.  I thought I would make a video to share my sexy treasure trove with you.

 

 

As I mention at the close of the video, I was completely blown away by how inclusive and open the expo was.  There were people in various states of dress, some in full fetish gear and some in street clothes.  There were a myriad of gender expressions, body shapes, relationship types and kinks represented and I didn’t hear a single nasty or creepy remark.  Every person I spoke to was incredibly open and respectful and it was truly fantastic.  I felt so proud and happy to be in such a sex positive space.

 

I bought a lot of toys at the expo.  Online shopping good and all, but there’s nothing like shopping in person for sex toys.  It’s wonderful to be able to touch the toys. to decide if you like the feel and weight of them.  You’re able to press buttons and you’ll know right away if a toy is horribly buzzy or emits a noise that sets your teeth on edge. Best of all, you can talk to people who know exactly what they’re talking about and get lots of great advice when choosing your toys.  The prices at OzKink Fest were insane, and I got a lot of things super cheap.  There were toys in my haul that have been on my wish list for years, but this weekend I saw prices that I just couldn’t pass up.  I’m very pleased with everything I got and I can’t wait to review them for you.

 

I hope you enjoy checking out what I bought.  If you have any questions, please feel free to leave it in the comments or shoot me an email.

 

The three common principles of BDsM

I’ve had a few requests for some posts about BDsM.  Some of you might know that I’m interested in BDsM.  I’m both a scholar who likes to learn about new techniques, fetishes and relationships and an active participant who likes to indulge in BDsM  play in the bedroom and in day-to-day life. I’m by no means an expert, but this is something that I’m fascinated by and passionate about. I’m happy to write about this part of my life as long as my readers are interested.  And since I casually mentioned it and got a few responses asking for more information, I’m guessing that at least a couple of you are.

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I thought a good place to begin talking about BDsM on this blog would be to introduce you to the three core principles of BDsM.  BDsM covers a vast range of practices, scenes, fetishes, fantasies, lifestyles and roles.  It can be something very extreme, involving complex equipment and dedicated participants, something light and gentle or anything in between.  Even though the scope of the term BDsM is incredibly broad, there are three core principles that apply no matter whether you’re tying someone up and hanging them from the ceiling or giving your lover a few playful swats with a hairbrush.  Those are the principles of Safe, Sane and Consensual.  These three words are the cornerstone of all BDsM play and should be considered very carefully by all players involved.

So what do I mean by Safe, Sane and Consensual?  Let me break it down for you.

Safe” means that you have taken into consideration the potential risks and how to eliminate or minimise them.

  • You understand any and all equipment that you are using during your scene.
  • You have practiced the techniques that you will use.
  • You are aware of what warning signs to look for that may indicate that your partner is in distress.
  • You are able to administer first aid or quickly obtain assistance if necessary
  • You have safety equipment such as rope cutters close at hand.
  • You have discussed any physical ailments or limitations with your partner.
  • If your BDsM play involves sex, you will practice safer sex.
  • Safe words or signals should be decided upon.  If the word or signal is used, play must stop immediately.

Sane” means that you are in a rational and clear-headed state of mind.

  • You will not practice bondage, impact play, sharps play or other dangerous scenes under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • BDsM should not be undertaken to harm another person, to vent anger at your partner or to exact revenge.
  • Proper aftercare should be employed to ensure that all parties are feeling safe and stable after play time is over.
  • The person who takes on a Dominant or Top role must be aware of the vulnerability of their sub or bottom and not take advantage of them or abuse their position.
  • Extra care must be taken if you have a mental illness.  Potential triggers should be discussed with your partner, as well as any additional needs or aftercare that you may require.
  • You must act responsibly and with self-control.

“Consensual” means that all activities are undertaken with full and informed consent of all parties involved.

  • All scenes are negotiated well before play begins.
  • Parties should discuss their limits and boundaries, and those limits should be respected.
  • Honesty is essential to achieve informed consent. You must not lie or mislead a partner about what you intend to do to them during a scene.
  • Make sure that you tell your partner if they are approaching your limits, or if they are doing something that you do not like.

As you can see, there is a tremendous amount of care and consideration which must go into the practice of BDsM.  The amount of planning and negotiation is proportionate to the level of danger or the degree of power exchange involved, but it is always a vital part of BDsM.

 

I’m certainly interested in writing more about BDsM or play.  If there are any topics you’d like me to touch on in future posts, please let me know.  As always, questions are welcome but I ask that you keep them respectful.

 

Product review: Leno Ina Wave

At the beginning of the year I reviewed my then-favourite vibrator, the Lelo Soraya.  After that review went live, I was contacted by the awesome folks at Lelo asking if I’d be interested in reviewing some of their other products.  Naturally I jumped at the chance.  The representative I spoke with suggested that as I like rabbit-style vibrators, the Ina Wave might be a good fit for me.  Fast-forward to a few weeks later and I was sitting in my kitchen with a brand-new Lelo Ina Wave compliments of the good folk at Lelo in my hot little hands.

 

 

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Upon opening the box, I was greeted with a a contraption that looked more like Dr Zoidberg’s claw than any sex toy I’ve ever seen in my life.  However I was impressed with the hot-pink shade and the gorgeous packaging.  I was curious to try the Ina Wave out, but  I also felt a tiny bit afraid of the extreme shape.

 

Upon removing the Ina from the box, I was taken aback at how awesome it felt.  The silicone is velvety and super soft, and even the handle is silicone.   There is a slight lip where the handle meets the rest of the toy, but it’s very tightly closed so it’s a lot easier to clean than the Soraya.  The buttons are set into the handle, and the overall look is very smooth and modern.

The Ina Wave promises a “blended orgasm” by simultaneously stimulating the clitoris and the g-spot.  Now, a lot of rabbit-style vibrators offer this kind of dual stimulation, but the Ina Wave has something extra special going for it.  The insertable portion of the toy does this unique ‘wave’ motion, curling upwards to apply pressure to the g-spot.  I have been experimenting with g-spot play recently, so I was very keen to see if I could use the Ina Wave to achieve the coveted blended orgasm it so confidently promised.

 

Let me begin by saying that this toy has a real learning curve.  To begin with, I found it a little tricky to insert.  The insertable part is quite girthy, and has a large bump on the front edge.  Initially I found it difficult to maneuver that shape past my pubic bone.  I also had difficulty with the clitoral arm, which is a much tighter fit than any rabbit vibe I’ve ever owned.  The arm was really hampering my ability to insert the toy, until I realised that the arm is very flexible and can be bent back quite easily.  Once I figured that out and found the right angle, the toy slid in easily.

 

Once I had the toy inside me, the tight fit of that clitoral stimulator became all the more apparent.  I mentioned in my review of the Lelo Soraya that the clitoral arm on that toy was too widely-set to hit my clit squarely.  This toy was the exact opposite.  The clitoral stimulator sat perfectly on my clitoris.  In fact, the tightness of the toy caused it to kind of clamp down on my clit, applying a lot of pressure to that area.  I’d never experienced that sort of pressure in that spot before, and I actually really liked it.  But if you know that you prefer a lighter touch on your clit, this might not be the toy for you.  Similarly, if you know your clitoris and vaginal opening are more widely-set, then you might have difficulty getting the toy to reach all the important zones.  But for me, it was a perfect fit.

 

The Ina Wave has a good variety of settings, and it’s very easy to use.  The arrow buttons cycle through the settings, and the + and – buttons control the intensity.  The button in the centre turns the toy on and off.  I liked this immediate-off switch, which was missing from the Soraya.  I find that once I have an orgasm, I become quite sensitive and it’s nice to be able to switch the toy off quickly to rescue my poor genitals from over-stimulation.  The Ina Wave has a variety of internal and external vibration patterns without the wave function, so you can use it like a traditional rabbit vibe.  But you can also cycle through several wave functions, which combine vibrations in the shaft and clit arm in different ways.  You can also just turn on the wave function with no vibration.  There are a lot of settings to choose from and play with on this toy.  The vibrations are very deep and rumbling and the toy is one of the quietest I’ve used.

 

After a bit of playing, I switched on the wave and was instantly aware of the handle of the Ina flapping about between my legs.  As the toy was lodged firmly in my snatch, the motion of the wave transferred to the handle.  Like I said, this toy has a learning curve!  I quickly learned that I had to hold the handle quite firmly to steady it so that the shaft had enough leverage to stimulate me internally with the magical “come hither” motion.

 

 

 

And it is magical indeed.  If you’re looking to experiment with g-spot stimulation then this is the toy for you.  That bulge in the front is perfectly angled and hits my g spot effortlessly.  If you’re not sure where your g-spot is, I’m confident that this toy would be a great help in finding it.  One thing I’ve learned over time is that my g-spot, and indeed many g-spots, prefer pressure to vibration.  And that gorgeous wave motion is like a couple of strong fingers pressing firmly into that sensitive spot over and over.  Couple that with the deep, rumbly vibrations and you’ve got a recipe for a delicious orgasm.  I got that coveted blended orgasm on my very first try, and countless times since.

 

(Psst!  If you are intrigued by the idea of the come-hither g-spot stimulation, but don’t like rabbit vibes, then you might enjoy the Mona Wave.  It’s basically the Ina minus the clitoral arm)

 

As I mentioned, the Ina Wave does put a lot of pressure on my clit.  But one thing I really like is that the flexibility in the clitoral arm perfectly accommodates the shaft’s motion.  So instead of pinching your clitoris, it gives this gorgeous massage.  The best way I can describe the sensation of this toy is that it’s like having my clitoris massaged from the front and back all at once.  It feels so pleasurable.

 

Another awesome feature of the Ina Wave is that it’s waterproof!  It can be submerged up to 1 meter.  This makes cleaning a snap, because you can wash it off in the sink.  It also means that you can take your toy into the shower or tub for extra fun.  This is great if you have roommates and the only private time you have is in the shower or bath.

One feature that I’m less than thrilled with is the memory function.  This function remembers the last setting that you used, so when you turn the toy back on, it defaults to that setting.  This is good if you’re jacking off and you get interrupted, but for regular use I find it a tad annoying.  Like most people, the setting my vibrator is on when I begin masturbating is not the same setting I like it to be on when I finish.  Usually I start on a low setting and work my way up to a dull roar.  So if in my orgasm-addled state I forget to turn the Ina Wave down before I switch it off, I get one hell of a shock when I flip the switch on my next play session.

The Ina Wave has a travel lock feature too, which is essential for rechargeable toys, because you can’t simply remove the batteries.  The battery life on this toy is phenomenal.  I’ve had it for several months, have used it a couple of times a week and I’ve only charged it twice.

 

The Ina Wave retails for $279 on Lelo’s website.  At this price, it is definitely a luxury vibrator.  However based on it’s performance, I think the price tag is reasonable.

 

I would most definitely recommend the Lelo Ina Wave, particularly to those who enjoy g-spot stimulation, those who are looking for a twist on the traditional rabbit vibrator, and those who have petite vaginas that usually find most rabbit vibes a poor fit.

 

Another huge thank you to the folks at Lelo for sending me this toy to review.