My pet peeves with sex toy companies

When it comes to designing and marketing toys, there are certain things that companies do that cause me to roll my eyes and seethe with frustration.  Whether it’s creating toys that aren’t fit for their purpose or perpetuating sexual shame, sometimes sex toy manufacturers really frustrate me.  Here are five things that I wish sex toy companies would stop doing.

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  1. Using the word “Massager” instead of “vibrator”

I’m always puzzled when I see the word “massager” pop up on the packaging of an item that is very clearly a vibrator.  I get that there are a lot of appliances that were intended to be used to relieve sore muscles, which have subsequently become cult-favourite sex toys (Hitatchi Magic Wand, are your ears burning?).  But often dildos and vibrators are sold under the guise of “massagers” that purport to “ease tension” and “reach those tight spots”.  All of this pussy-footing around just seems so silly to me.  That item that looks like a pearly pink phallus that rumbles and buzzes?  I’m gonna use it on my genitals.  It’s a vibrator.  The jig is up and you aren’t fooling anybody.

 

2. Non body-safe materials

There are materials that you aren’t allowed to use in the manufacture of children’s toys that are regularly used to make toys intended to come into contact with the most intimate parts of your body.  Some of these materials are not safe because they are porous and can harbour bacteria that can cause infection.  Some are actually toxic and can cause anything from minor irritation to chemical burns. And yet companies continue to make sex toys from non-body-safe materials because it’s cheap and they look good.  The worst part is that a lot of the “beginner” ranges of toys are made from these materials.  Those cute jelly dildos and small sized butt plugs look colourful and are easy on the wallet, but they can be seriously bad for you.  I wish that more sex toy companies would work harder to make their toys safe to use.

 

3. Anal toys without flared bases

I have lost count of the number of toys I’ve seen that are marketed as being “anal safe” that are actually anything but.  You should never put anything in your backside that doesn’t have a flared base to stop it getting sucked up into your ass.   Even though this is a very well-known rule, companies continue to make toys that are intended for butt play that have no means of retrieving them.  It’s very simple, if you want to sell butt-toys, make ones that aren’t going to disappear inside your consumers.

 

4 Including Anal-eze with butt toys.

While we’re on the subject of butt toys, let’s talk about Anal-eze.  Anal-eze is a numbing lotion that you’re supposed to apply to your asshole before anal play to stop it from hurting.  It’s also the Product Most Likely to Induce a Tantrum from this blogger.  Anal-eze is pointless and plays into so many insecurities people have around anal play.  Firstly, if you’re going to be playing with your anus, you don’t want to numb the area because you’ll miss out on all the pleasure.  Secondly, anal play doesn’t hurt when it’s done properly.  Pain is your body’s way of telling you that you need to slow down, use more lube, relax, try a smaller toy, or change positions.  Pain has a function, and without it you run this risk of doing real damage to yourself.  I think that a lot of people use products like Anal-Eze because they are afraid of anal sex and believe that it’s going to hurt.  And ironically, if you can’t feel your butt, you’re more likely to rush or use something that’s too big and you’re going to be sore when the numbing wears off, which only reinforces that fear that butt sex is painful.

While I get pissed that Anal-Eze even exists, what makes me truly livid is the fact that some manufacturers include it in the packaging with their butt plugs and anal probes. To me, that eliminates the pleasure and power a person might experience from buying an anal toy and replaces it with fear and shame.  Also, it’s just plain unsafe.

 

5. Claiming to mimic “real life” sex acts.

In the last year, there has been a tidal wave of clitoral suction toys that are supposed to feel “just like” oral sex.  But they never do.  They feel great, but the sensation of a machine on your genitals is always going to be different to a real person.  Sex toys aren’t a substitute for a partner.  Sex with toys doesn’t feel like sex with a person. And that’s ok.   I see sex with toys as a different kind of sex to having partnered sex, and I like both for different reasons.  Trying to make a toy that mimics sex with a human being will always leave the consumer disappointed because even if you could perfectly replicate the sensation, you can’t program a toy to be spontaneous or intimate.  I wish that more manufacturers would focus on marketing how great the toy feels, rather than comparing it to sex with a partner.

There are plenty of companies out there that create amazing body-safe toys without cringy marketing or a side-helping of shame with every purchase.  But there are still plenty of stores out there selling toys that commit these five sex toy crimes.  And I wish they’d stop.  Because sex toys are so much fun and the less shame and stigma that surrounds them the better.

 

What are your sex toy pet hates?

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Product review: Glass tentacle wand

I know what you’re thinking: “A glass dildo?  Is she mad? Surely that’s super dangerous!”.  And I understand where you’re coming from because I felt exactly the same way when I first saw a display case of glass insertables.  I mean, glass is cold and rigid, that can’t be comfortable or sexy, right?  And…..what if it breaks inside you?  That’s just a recipe for disaster!

I was extremely hesitant to try a glass toy for all of these reasons.  But then after I got my Pure Aluminum vibrator  and I experienced how incredible a rock-hard toy can be, I started to warm up to the idea of trying a glass wand.  But I was still put off by the possibility of breakage.  The potential for pain, injury and humiliation was just too high for me to even contemplate putting anything glass inside me.  And then I did a bit of research.

As it turns out, there are plenty of high-quality glass toys on the market that aren’t going to break or shatter.  The most reputable toys are made from soda-glass or Pyrex (yep, the same stuff your Nan’s indestructible cookwear is fashioned from).  These materials are heavy and extremely resistant to breakage.  You’d need a massive amount of impact to crack one of these babies.  And if they do break, they tend to snap in two, rather than shattering into a million tiny bits.  And breakage only happens if the toy has been weakened.  So as long as you choose something that’s well-made, and discard it immediately if it shows any cracks or dents, then you can put the worry of breakage out of your mind and have a good sexy time.

Once I’d come around to the idea of trying a glass toy, the only thing to do was choose one.  There are so many great glass dildos out there, with a dizzying array of shapes, sizes and textures to choose from.  But when I spotted this glass tentacle wand at the Black Peach stall at Kinkfest last year, I knew I needed to make it mine.

The features that drew me to this wand were the curve and the texture.  Because glass is such a rigid material, I had high hopes that the textures would be more pronounced and therefore offer more intense sensation.  I also loved the way that the toy curved upwards, and imagined that it would be a great g-spotting dildo.

Initially I was a bit disappointed with the way this toy felt when inserted.  Although the rock-hard material felt interesting, the shape just didn’t work for my body.  I found my g-spot easily with the wand, but I found the tip of the toy too pointed to be pleasurable.  It felt like it was poking at my g-spot which was more painful than anything else.

After a bit of unsatisfactory prodding at my g-spot, I tried flipping the toy around while it was inside me. And that’s when I hit the jackpot.  The underside of the curve has a series of deep ridges, and this texture felt incredible when I stroked it along the front wall of my vagina.  The pressure and bumpiness on my g-spot was perfect, and the rounded handle at the end of the toy gave me loads of control to be able to stroke and massage the way I wanted to.

In the interests of doing a fully comprehensive review, I also tried this toy anally.  I had a feeling that the extreme texture would be too much for my delicate behind, so I truly didn’t expect to enjoy it.  But I am super glad that I gave it a whirl, because this has become one of my favourite butt-toys.  That pointed tip that was too intense for my g-spot made this wand incredibly easy to insert. The toy isn’t super girthy, and it only about as wide as two of my fingers, which is a good size for….not absolute beginners but those who are still learning what their butt likes. The smoothness of the glass means that it doesn’t hog lube in the way that some silicone toys can, which helped it to glide smoothly (which is what you want from anal play, dragging is not sexy).  This dildo allowed me to experience indirect g-spot stimulation through my anus, which I have never done before.  I actually had my first orgasm from butt play with this toy (or ass-gasm, as I like to call it).  Although I don’t have the anatomy to test this theory, I believe this would be a really fun toy for people who want to explore prostate play.

Glass dildos have their pros and cons.  On the plus side they are rock hard, super smooth and can be used with any kind of lube.  They are also really easy to clean and are non-porous which makes them body safe.  The main downside is that they can become unwieldy when your hands are covered in lube (and lube is a necessity when you are playing with such a rigid toy).  To avoid losing your grip, I definitely recommend having a towel nearby to wipe your hands on during play.

As I mentioned, I bought my wand from Black Peach, who sadly no longer have it in stock.  However, DDLG World have an almost identical one in their shop.  If you want a slightly thicker version of this toy, the Icicles 24 is pretty darn close in texture but has a tad more girth.

Have you tried glass toys before?  Would you give them a shot?

Product review: Fun Factory Bootie

Today I’m publishing my first ever anal toy review.  And the toy I’ve chosen to talk about is the Fun Factory Bootie plug.  Although the Bootie wasn’t my first anal plug, it is the most beginner-friendly plug I’ve tried.  And I thought it would be nice to make my first review one that appealed to readers who have never tried butt play, but might be keen to give it a go.

The Bootie is a great first-time plug for so many reasons.  It comes in three different sizes: Small, Medium and Large.  There isn’t a lot of variation between the sizes, so each one is a gentle step up from the last. I purchased the Medium plug because I wanted something a little bit larger than the smallest plug in my collection.  But if you’ve never tried anal play before, then the Small Bootie is non-intimidating and the perfect size.

In addition to the size range, I believe that the shape of the Bootie is great for first timers.  Rather than the traditional teardrop shape that most plugs have, the Bootie is a kind of elongated comma shape.  I personally find that this shape makes insertion smoother and easier.  With teardrop plugs, I have to take an incremental approach to inserting them because they get gradually wider.    Because the tip of the Bootie is the widest part, once I’ve eased that past the back door, my butt kind of just embraces the rest of the plug. When inserting a toy is easy and smooth, it makes the rest of your play session so much more enjoyable.

The texture of this plug makes it super easy to insert and wear too.  The Bootie is made from Fun Factory’s gorgeous velvety silicone.  It’s 100% body safe and non-porous, which is ultra important for anal toys.  A toy that is not body safe can harbour bacteria and cause infections.  Porous toys are a breeding ground for odours, which is the last thing you want from a butt toy.  The Bootie is so smooth and silky to touch, with absolutely no seams or ridges.  While experienced players might like a bit of texture to enhance sensation, for the first-time user the mere fact that you’re wearing a butt plug is usually enough sensation. The Bootie gives you a nice full feeling without any irritation or friction.

Once inserted, the Bootie feels amazing. The curved tip follows the natural arc of your body.  I always insert this toy with the curved end facing forwards, towards my belly button.  This way, the bulge at the tip provides indirect g-spot stimulation.  If you have a prostate, inserting the Bootie in this way will angle it towards your P-spot.  The Bootie is firm, but not rigid.  It has a bit of squish to it, so it applies a good amount of pressure without being too intense.  I can comfortably wear this plug for extended periods without feeling sore.

Another reason that I adore the Bootie is that it’s great for wearing during sex.  The firm-yet-soft texture and the curved shape help to angle my partner’s cock or a dildo towards my g-spot during penetrative play.  This leads to a really full feeling as well as intense stimulation which is often missing during penetrative intercourse.  People with prostates will appreciate the additional stimulation this plug offers when worn during partnered play or during solo sessions.

One of the most vital features of any butt toy is the base.  A toy that is going into your anus needs to have a flared base to ensure that it can be easily retrieved.  The Bootie has one of the most comfortable bases of any anal toy that I’ve tried.  While most butt plugs have a rounded or rectangular base, the Bootie boasts a T-bar base of flexible silicone. When worn, the base nestles snugly between your butt cheeks.  It’s is rigid enough to keep the toy in position, but has enough flex to move with your body when you walk or sit.  For this reason, the Bootie is a great plug for wearing for extended periods.  The base is super comfortable and not obtrusive, but is also strong enough to make sure that your plug doesn’t get sucked into the great beyond.

An important factor for beginner toys is price.  If you’re trying something for the first time, you don’t want to spend a lot of money on a toy that you’re not certain is going to light your fire.  This means that often, beginners will buy cheap, low-quality toys that don’t perform well or aren’t body safe.  The Bootie plugs range in price from about $30 for the Small to $40 for the Large.  This means that they are pretty affordable, in addition to being well-crafted and high-performing.  It’s hard to find great quality toys at such a reasonable price-point, and the Bootie is a fantastic toy that won’t put a dent in your finances.  I got mine from Aphrodite’s Pleasure, which is a fantastic Aussie sex-toy shop.  They have the individual Bootie plugs or all three together in The Bootie Set which is brilliant value for money if you know you’d like the option of multiple sizes.

I love my Bootie and I truly recommend this for first-time anal explorers or more experienced players.  It’s well-made, comfortable and so sleek.  It’s one of my most-loved toys and one that I keep coming back to over and over.

Product review: Jopen Lust L1

I purchased the Jopen L1 during a fit of curiosity.  I’d seen pictures of several Jopen vibrators online and was intrigued by their unique shapes and sleek designs.  When I saw the L1 on sale at Twisted Toys I snapped one up immediately, eager to take it for a spin.

The first thing that caught my eye was the shape of the L1.  I am a huge fan of sex toys with non-traditional shapes.  While phallic dildos and bullet vibes do the job, I love finding a toy with a shape that makes me go “hmmmmm”.  Why is that?  Well, because non-traditional shapes force you to be creative with your play.  When it’s not obvious how a toy is supposed to be used on your body, it encourages curious exploration and experimentation, which leads to excitement and loads of fun.  If your sex sessions are beginning to look a little samey-samey, then I definitely recommend trying a toy like this that breaks the mould and forces you to try new ways to play.

The shape of this toy is also fairly non-intimidating and gender neutral.  It has loads of interesting features that can be used on a range of different body parts.  Those little antennae are perfect for stimulating nipples or for resting on either side of a clitoris.  Use the bottom bulge to stroke breasts, labia or inner thighs.  The curve works amazingly to cradle a set of balls, and you can then angle either the tickling antenna or the rounded end to massage the perineum.  The L1 is such a versatile toy which can be used in so many ways and I adore that about it.  I’m still finding new ways to play, even after months of experimenting with this toy.

Another reason I enjoy this toy so much is that it works just as well for partnered sex as it does with solo play.  The small size makes it ideal for working my clit when I’m having penetrative sex with my partner.  It’s well-established that the majority of women need some kind of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and very few people with vaginas can come from penetration alone.  A toy like the L1 is a godsend if you struggle to climax from penetrative sex.

When I first took the Jopen L1 out of the box to charge it, I was a little bit bamboozled.  The toy is completely smooth, with no obvious charging port.  It took a careful examination to notice the pin-prick hole which you poke the charger through.  The L1 comes with a USB charging cable, and it takes about two hours to charge fully.  The battery life of this toy is admirable, and I can get about an hour of playtime on the highest setting at about five on the lowest setting.

The utterly smooth design of the L1 is fantastic.  There are no cracks or ridges to trap lube and fluids and it’s completely waterproof.  In addition to this, the toy is made from velvety-soft silicone which feels amazing and is non-porous.  The body of the toy is nice and firm but the antennae are really flexible and won’t poke your privates.

The L1 is controlled by a single button located on the centre of the toy.  It kind of looks like a little nub sticking out of the belly of the  vibrator.  I can’t overstate how thrilled I am with the controls on this toy.  Firstly, I love that it only has a steady vibration and no patterns.  It’s rare that I use the patterns on my vibrating toys, and I much prefer simple, sustained vibration.  This toy gives me exactly what I want in that regard, with no extra settings to get in the way of my sexy fun.

The actual controls on this toy are unique.  To switch the L1 on, you press the button once.  Then, to turn the vibration strength up, you press and hold the button.  If you click the button once, the toy turns off.  This is very different to most single-button vibrators, which require you to click the button multiple times, cycling through every speed and pattern before you can turn it off.  I love that this toy can be turned off in a hurry with just one click.  Admittedly, it took me a while to get used to holding the button down to increase the speed, and there were several moments of frustration when I accidentally switched the motor off instead.  But once I got the hang of it, I came to love this simple no-frills control interface.

In addition to the brilliant control mechanism, the L1 boasts impressive vibration power.  The vibrations from this toy are strong, rumbly and relatively quiet.  Even the lowest setting is beautifully deep and throbbing. An added bonus with this toy is that the entire thing vibrates. This, coupled with the smooth surface means that you can use every inch of the L1 for play.  For me, this only adds to my excitement, because it means that there are so many different shapes and sensations to experiment with.

I’m a sex-blogger in a long-distance relationship, which means that I usually travel with my sex toys. The Jopen L1 might be the best travel vibrator in my collection.  Firstly, it’s small and lightweight, so it doesn’t take up much space in your bag.  It doesn’t look obviously phallic, so if you get your bag checked at the airport, you aren’t going to be red-faced when the security guard spies it.  Finally, it has a travel lock, which is a must for rechargeable toys to ensure that they don’t start buzzing in your bag. Not only is this potentially embarrassing, but it means that you won’t wind up arriving at your destination with a toy that has jiggled it’s batteries flat during your journey.

The Jopen L1 comes in three colours: pink, purple and green.  I chose the lime green because a) it was totally different from anything else in my toybox and b) It kind of reminded me of a little alien.

My final thumbs-up for this vibrator is the price tag.  The Jopen Lust L1 costs around $100, depending on where you buy it from.  This is astonishingly good value for such a high-quality, rechargeable vibrator.

I can’t recommend the Jopen Lust L1 enthusiastically enough.  It’s versatile, body-safe and excellent value. It works for partnered play and solo sessions and is suitable for every body.  It’s inexpensive and encourages creative sexual play.  I think it just might be my favourite vibrator of all time.

Product review: Pure Aluminium Medium Pink by Pipe Dream

When it comes to sex toys, I’m always on the lookout for interesting materials and textures.  So when I saw the Pure Aluminium range by Pipedream I was instantly intrigued.  The range comes in five different colours: purple, pink, blue, silver and gold.  Each colour has three sizes: small, medium and large.  And each toy has a different shape.  There are ribs, bulbs, curves and bumps in a variety of configurations.  After much deliberation, I chose the Pink Medium to try for myself.

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The first thing I noticed when I picked up this vibe is it’s weight.  This is one of the heaviest toys that I own, and that is a very good thing.  I like toys that have a bit of heft to them, and this one feels solid and weighty in the hand.  Despite being the colour of a Barbie convertible, this is one toy that means business.  The shaft of the vibe is rock hard and unyielding.  If you’re craving something that has absolutely no give, then this is the toy for you.

The texture of the Pure Aluminium Pink is one of my favourite aspects of this toy.  It has a defined head, which is ideal for pin-point clitoral stimulation.  In addition to that head, the shaft has another two large bulbs, which feel wonderful during thrusting. Although I’m a lover of textured toys, I find that often my vagina can’t feel small ribs or bumps.  The exaggerated curves and swerves on this vibrator are a whole other story.  I have no problem detecting each bulb as I move it inside me.  It’s a sensation that I love, and one of the reasons that I keep coming back to this toy time and time again.

Another textural feature of this toy is the slippery-smooth finish.  Aside from my glass toys, I’ve never found another vibrator that is as incredibly slick as this one.  It is also ideal for temperature play.  This toy starts out cold to the touch, and can give quite the shock when you first place it against your body.  It quickly warms up to body temperature, and actually feels hot after a short amount of playtime.  The metal holds temperature really well, so you can cool it down or warm it up to provide a variety of sensations.  I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed the feeling of the cool metal against my skin, and although it’s a bit of a shock, it’s so much fun to play with a chilly vibe.

As a dildo for penetration, I love the texture, weight and temperature of this toy.  But what about as a vibrator?  The Pure Aluminium Medium range are all three-speed, battery operated vibrators.  When I picked this toy up, I had moderately low expectations for it’s vibration power.  In my experience, I’ve found battery-operated vibes to be fairly underwhelming in terms of power and longevity.  But I was shocked by how well this vibrator works.

I can scarcely believe that this toy runs on two measly AAA batteries.  The vibrations are strong and powerful, and generally fairly rumbly.  Although there is a touch of buzziness about this vibe, the heft of the material really help to conduct the vibrations, making it feel much stronger than if it were made of silicone or jelly.  The battery life is pretty great with this toy, and it lasts for ages before dying out.  I find it also gives a little warning, slowing down a tad a few minutes before it cuts out.  I’d much prefer this to a toy that just abruptly dies in your palm. The motor is also surprisingly quiet for a battery operated toy.  There are three vibration speeds and no patterns.  I personally quite like this, because i only rarely use the pattern functions on my toys for solo play. The vibrations do get a tad buzzier as they become more intense, but not by much.

The one drawback to this vibrator is the controls.  The Pure Aluminium Medium vibes are controlled with a single push-button on the base of the shaft. You press the toy once to turn it on, and press again to turn the vibration up.  Because of the positioning of the control button, it’s very easy to accidentally push it during play.  I find this really annoying, because I often wind up turning the toy up higher than I want it, or unintentionally turning it off at a crucial moment.  Additionally, I don’t like the fact that you have to cycle through all three speeds before you can turn the toy off.  I prefer toys that have a separate on/off switch so that you can turn it off in a hurry if you are interrupted, or if you want the vibration to cease immediately.

In addition to feeling amazing, aluminium is body safe and super easy to clean. It’s non-porous and can be used with water based or silicone lubricants safely.  The battery chamber of this vibe has a rubber seal, which makes it water resistant, but not water proof.  So you can safely clean it in the sink, just don’t submerge it in water.  I find a quick rinse is usually enough to get this baby sparkling clean.  There are no cracks or crevices where gunk can get caught, which makes cleaning an absolute breeze.

The Pure Aluminium toys are relatively inexpensive, with the Medium vibrators selling for around $40-$50 each.  Based on the performance of my pink model, I’d say this makes them an absolute bargain.  I own some significantly more expensive toys that don’t perform half as well as this one.  For a battery operated vibe that has strong vibrations, a unique texture and loads of possibilities for temperature play, this is a steal. This is a great quality toy that won’t break the bank, which can be used a multitude of ways for hours of sexy fun.

Toy review: Slick dildo by Tantus

Can you believe that Masturbation Month is nearly over and I haven’t written a single toy review?  Well luckily the sweet folks at Tantus sent me the Slick Dildo to test and review for you. So in celebration of Masturbation May, let’s get down to it.

The Slick is one of Tantus’ dual density toys.  This means that it’s got a firm inner core and a soft outer layer.  I’ve never tried a dual density toy before so I was rearing to give these a go.  And boy, they do not disappoint! The Slick is like the lovechild of a rock-hard toy and a jelly-soft dildo. It is firm enough to thrust vigorously but soft enough to feel comfortable and sensual.  It’s like the Goldilocks dildo: neither too hard, nor too soft.  It’s just right.

The Slick comes in two shades: Black and Purple Haze.  I got one of each colour and I adore them both.  I have several purple haze toys from Tantus, including my Silk dildos, and the pearly sheen on the silicone is so pretty.  The black is shiny and dark and looks utterly formidable.  I feel like such a badass when I’m wielding that midnight-hued cock in my harness.  I also adore the fact that this toy doesn’t look like a cock.  Many of Tantus’s dual density toys are realistic-looking dildos.  Which is great if you like realistic toys….but I don’t.  I much prefer toys that look phallic, but not like actual penises.

One of the first things I notice when I put these two toys side-by-side is the difference in sizes.  There is a big leap between the small and the large, and initially I wished that there was a size in between. But once I began playing with the Slick dildos, I realised that each size had it’s distinct advantages.

The small Slick has quickly become my favourite dildo for pegging.  The teardrop-shaped base makes it fit snugly into my harness.  The tapered tip is perfect for gradual, easy insertion and it’s a great size. It’s big enough to provide a good amount of sensation and fullness, but it’s not so massive that it’s intimidating to the person on the receiving end. If your partner has a prostate, the spade-shaped tip and slight curve are great for gentle prostate massage. Because the tip is soft and squishy, it provides a gentle sensation rather than a harsh poke.

When I opened the box and saw the large Slick, I shook my head with disbelief.  I truly didn’t think that this monster dildo would ever fit inside my dainty vagina, let alone feel good while doing so.  I’m on the petite side and I know that my pussy is a tight squeeze. In addition to that, I have a fairly low cervix so I was sure that this dildo would be far too large to be inserted very far.  But, as a dutiful sex geek I was determined to give it a red-hot go.

The Slick Large is the first sex toy to ever make me marvel at what my cunt is capable of.  I know that, in theory, a vagina is able to accommodate a baby, and that there are loads of ladies who love being penetrated by big toys.  But I never expected to be one of them. For years, I was deeply afraid of penetrative play, to the point where I saw a sex therapist. The thought that I would one day be tackling a toy of this magnitude, and loving it, would have been ludicrous to me a decade ago.

The dual density texture definitely helped me to enjoy the feel of this toy.  Even though it’s nice and firm, it has a gentle softness that means it doesn’t feel harsh during play.  The silicone is so smooth, the Slick lives up to it’s name, gliding in and out of your body. The head is nice and squishy, so it never once poked me in the cervix (a horribly un-fun experience that I’ve had with other, more solid, toys).

And that head….can we talk about the head for a second?  The spade-shaped head on this toy is genius. Not only does it make initial penetration easier because it’s tapered, but it is incredible for G-spot play.  If you’re new to G-spotting, I heartily recommend this toy.  The head is so bulbous that it’s nearly impossible to miss your G-spot.  And it’s so soft and malleable that it massages that spot so delightfully, moving with your body and gently compressing with your muscles as you orgasm.

In addition to looking and feeling great, the Slick is made with gorgeously smooth silicone, which means it’s body safe and easy to clean.

I absolutely love the Slick, and it has quickly become one of my favourite toys in my toybox.  While I’m not yet ready to wear the title of Size Queen, I think the large Slick has at the very least made me feel like a Size Princess.

Toy review: Tantus Rumble

While I love a range of sex toys, I’m definitely a vibrator girl at heart.  There’s something about the steady buzz of a vibe that gets my motor revving in a way that a dildo or a plug never could.  So when Tantus announced earlier this year that they were adding a wand-style vibrator to their line of toys I was chuffed.  The rad folks at Tantus were kind enough to send me the Rumble to test and review.

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The first thing I noticed about the Rumble is how lightweight it is.  Wand vibrators have a reputation for being on the heavy-duty side.  I picked up a Magic Wand at Kink Fest earlier this year and nearly toppled over from the heft of it.  I can imagine my arm wearing out before I was even close to orgasm with one of those monsters!  But the Rumble weighs next to nothing.  It is easily the lightest vibrator in my toybox.  This lightness makes the Rumble ideal for people who have limited mobility in the arms or wrists.

 

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The shape of the head is another thing I love about the Rumble.  While most wands have a rounded shape, the Rumble is flatter on top, almost like a hockey puck.  While I thought this was kind of odd at first, once I began playing I appreciated this shape.  Having a flatter head gives you a lot more options when it comes to sensation.  If you prefer a broader surface area for stimulation, then you can angle the entire top of the head on the area you’re playing with.  With a slight twist, you can use the edge for more pinpointed stimulation. I also like that the head is mounted on a swiveling base.  The base absorbs some of the movement and makes it great for grinding against.  Sometimes when I’m using a vibe for clit stimulation, it can feel like I’m just mashing it against my crotch.  But the Rumble feels more like a massage.  It stays on target and moves with you as you thrust and grind.

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The Rumble has been advertised as ” A vibe for every body”.  It’s meant to be non-exclusive in terms of gender, and it can be used on a range of body types and genitals.  I do think it’s one of the more body-inclusive vibrators that I’ve seen.  It’s not as feminized as a lot of toys on the market, which come in only pink or purple and feature butterfly, floral or heart motifs.  I spent a long time playing with this toy, both alone and with my male partner. I usually use it for clitoral or labial stimulation, but it also feels lovely on nipples.  For folks with penises, it can be nestled snugly behind the balls or run along the penis.  It is light enough to hold against a clit for orgasmic fun during penis-in-vagina sex and it feels great when you buzz the base of an anal plug that’s firmly in place.  It’s also great for solo play with a dildo or on it’s own.

 

In terms of vibration quality, the Rumble lives up to it’s name.  The vibrations are really deep and rumbly.  This toy is relatively quiet, although it does get a bit buzzier on the higher settings.  I’ve read a few reviews that stated that the Rumble is not powerful enough.  Now, the amount of power you want in a vibrator is a very personal thing.  Nobody wants a wimpy little buzz against their clit.  But every body is different and the level of stimulation needed varies hugely across the board.  I’m sure that for some people, the Rumble may not offer the whallop they require.  But for me, it works beautifully.  There are three speed settings and I’ve never gone above “medium” during a play session.  The Rumble is plenty powerful enough for me, and I like quite a lot of stimulation.


Let’s take a moment to look at the control panel on this toy.  The controls are very simple and easy to use.  The power key switches the toy on and off.  The + and – keys allow you to turn the intensity up and down and cycle through the different vibration patterns.  I like having the option of moving back and forth through the patterns, rather than having to cycle through the entire range to get back to the one you accidentally skipped.  I am also a fan of the on-off switch, because it means you can quickly flip the toy off if someone knocks on the door, rather than having to hold down a function button for several seconds.  The controls are conveniently placed so that you aren’t likely to accidentally press them during play.

 

The only thing that disappoints me about this toy is that it doesn’t have a travel lock.  Most rechargable toys have a locking function, so they won’t accidentally start buzzing in your bag (causing embarrassment or worse: a flat battery when you reach your destination).  I am in a long distance relationship and I travel often to visit my partner.  Sadly the Rumble has missed out on every single trip, solely because it can’t be locked.

 

The other downside to the Rumble is that it isn’t waterproof.  While I rarely take my toys into the tub or shower, I do like waterproof toys for ease of cleaning.  It’s so much simpler to be able to dunk a toy in the sink rather than carefully wiping it off.  However, the buttery-soft silicone cover on the head of the Rumble slips off, so you can thoroughly clean this part in the sink.  The head is the bit that gets the dirtiest when I use it, so it’s awesome to be able to wash it under running water.  The handle does get a bit grimy but I’ve found a quick wipe with a cloth is enough to get rid of any residue.  The fact that there are no cracks or crevices for dirt to hide on the handle makes this a relatively easy toy to clean.

 

The Rumble is body safe and great quality.  It retails for $129.99 plus shipping, which is pretty average for a wand-style vibrator.  However, you can use the code NESSBOW15 at the checkout to get a bonus 15%  off your order. Tantus also have a few attachments for the Rumble, which are all made of body safe silicone and offer a range of different sensations.

 

The Rumble has quickly become my go-to vibrator for solo play.  I adore the lightweight design and the deep vibrations. The electric blue shade makes it stand out in my collection, and I really don’t own anything else quite like it.  I truly recommend the Rumble for vibe lovers, anyone who is keen to try a wand style vibe and folks with hand and wrist injuries that find traditional vibrators bulky and difficult to maneuver.