Aftercare is one of the lesser-known aspects of BDsM. It refers to the kind of care or treatment that a person needs after a BDsM scene to help them to relax and come back down to earth. BDsM can be an intense physical and emotional experience, and endorphins and adrenaline can run amok in your body during a scene. Afterwards, your brain chemistry begins to return to normal which can be a jarring experience. Aftercare is a way to ease yourself and your play partner back into reality to avoid a sudden drop.
Depending on the type of play that you’ve engaged in, aftercare may also involve first aid treatment, such as cleaning wounds, dressing bruises and tending to sore muscles.
The type of care each person requires after a BDsM scene will vary from person to person. Some people require a lot of aftercare, some need little or none at all. Some people want their partner to be involved in their aftercare, others prefer to be left alone. While a lot of articles about aftercare focus on the needs of the submissive, it’s important to note that dominants or tops may also require aftercare when a scene has ended.
I’m a submissive, which means that I’m the person who is on the “bottom” during a scene. I like to be dominated by my partner and enjoy serving Him. I engage in a number of different types of play, including bondage, impact play, service submission and sensory deprivation. I’m a monogamous BDsM player, which means that I play exclusively with one person, my Sir. Currently my partner and I live far away from one another, so I regularly travel to be with him.
When I’m at home, I have all the things I need for my preferred aftercare routines at my fingertips. However, if I’m away from home at my Sir’s house or a hotel or a party, I may not always have access to the things I need to help myself calm down after a scene is over. So I came up with the idea of creating a small aftercare kit. This kit is little enough to throw into my bag when I travel, and has a few vital items which myself or Sir can use to end a play session. Want to take a look in my aftercare kit? Here we go……
What’s in my Aftercare kit?
It’s common to feel cold after a play session. When you’re in the thick of a scene, adrenaline makes you less sensitive to temperature and you don’t always notice when you’re chilly. Often, I play in the nude or in underwear, and even when the room is warm I feel chilled when the scene is over. Plus, the rush of endorphins leaving your body can lead to shivers. At home I like to have a warm blanket to cuddle up in, as well as some comfortable clothes to pull on. I made these socks myself and they are super soft and keep my toes so warm. They are really comforting to put on when I’m coming down after a play session.
A steaming cup of tea can really help you to warm up if you’ve gotten chilly, as well as being comforting and relaxing. I always make sure that I have a few varieties of tea, and enough teabags so that my Dom and I can enjoy a cup together. There’s something very soothing about wrapping your hands around a hot mug of tea. It’s also nice to have something to sip on while you debrief with your partner, discussing what aspects of play you enjoyed, any emotions that bubbled up, and things that pushed your boundaries.
3. Lollies and dried fruit
My blood sugar usually drops after an intense scene, and I can feel fuzzy-headed and vague when the adrenaline starts to drain away. Having something sweet on hand like dried fruit or candy is great for a quick sugar hit. I prefer these small packets which I can munch on right after I play, and then I will usually have a proper meal once I’ve calmed down.
4. Bubble Bath
Another great way to warm up after play is to take a relaxing bath. The hot water also feels wonderful on sore muscles if you’ve been tied up for a while or if you’ve been paddled or spanked. If I feel like being alone after a scene, my Sir will run me a bath and then leave me to soak for a while so that I can gather my thoughts and relax. Or if I want company He can sit on the edge of the tub and chat to me while I wash.
Affectionate touch is a really important part of my aftercare. It helps me to relax, brings me back into my body and reassures me that I am loved and cherished. Having a partner rub lotion over your sore spots or massage you after play is a wonderful way to relax. It also fosters a great sense of connection between you and your partner and helps you both to unwind.
6. Scented candle
I find scent very soothing and it’s always nice to have something that smells lovely nearby. I prefer sweet, fruity scents and this pomegranate candle in a tin is ideal. I can light it while I’m bathing or while Sir and I are drinking our tea.
These are just a few essentials that I carry with me to ensure that I can get the aftercare I need when playtime is over. Like I said, every person is different and aftercare needs vary widely. But knowing what kind of care you like after a scene and preparing for that with a small kit of helpful items is a great way to make sure that you are able to relax after BDsM exploration and get the most our of your play.
What items do you think you’d put in your aftercare kit?