by

What I Wore 11/7/2017

I’ve been craving texture and pattern lately.  I like mixing and matching items that kinda-clash and kinda-match in ways that feel pleasing to me.  I enjoy deep, rich colours and fabrics that feel soft to the fingers.  I love throwing all of these elements together into one outfit that is comfortable and sassy.

 

I am wearing:

  • Art deco earrings from Lovisa
  • Black tee shirt from Uniqlo
  • Chevron cropped jumper from Mink Pink (thrifted)
  • Satin lounge pants from Target
  • Sparkle socks from Target
  • Loafers from Target
  • Fox pin (birthday present from David)
  • Assorted bangles (all thrifted)

Rocking loafers and shiny socks just like MJ.  If only I also had his moves.

 

This outfit was worn for an evening of dinner and computer games with my family.  We played several rounds of Murder Trivia Party which has quickly become one of our favourite games to play when my brother comes to visit.  It appeals to both my love of trivia and our dark sense of humour.

This pin was a birthday gift from my love, David.  His nickname for me is “little fox” and for my special day he bought me a whole host of fox-themed gifts.  This pin is just so adorable and the colours are perfect with this jumper.

 

After dinner I enjoyed a brief snuggle with my dad’s cat, Branson.  Branson is an absolute sweetheart, but he’s got to be the most awkward cat I’ve ever met.  He’s got incredibly long limbs and is super gangly.  When he runs down the hallway there are just legs and paws going all over the place, as he slips and slides.  There isn’t an ounce of grace in him, and yet he’s just the sweetest little friend.  He also has such perfectly white paws that look as though they’ve been dipped into fresh cream, which only adds to his appeal.

 

This comfy clash of separates was the perfect thing to wear for a family evening of fun.

Advertisements
by

M is for Masochism

This is part 4. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

tumblr_mc45m4gQgU1rp8gz7o1_500

M is for Masochism

Masochism is when a person derives pleasure or enjoyment from pain. This pain may be physical, emotional or psychological.  Masochism is the flipside of the S/m coin, the opposite of sadism. Even though these two practices are opposite and complimentary, that doesn’t mean that a single person can’t enjoy both masochism and sadism.  There are lots of people who enjoy both halves of the S & M pie, but usually they tend to prefer one over the other.

Masochism may show it’s face in a huge range of BDsM scenes.  It often goes hand-in-hand with bondage and discipline, as well as other types of play including:

  • Impact play, where the submissive party is hit or struck with paddles, floggers, hands, canes, whips, crops and a variety of other impact tools.
  • Humiliation play, where the submissive party is forced to dress in clothing that they find embarrassing, may be called names or is made to perform actions that they find degrading.
  • Play piercing, where needles are inserted into the top layers of skin.
  • Primal play such as chasing, biting and scratching.
  • Torture play, in which the submissive is subjected to physical torture, often while bound. This may include breast and nipple torture and cock and ball torture.
  • Hair pulling
  • Breath play, where the submissive is choked or smothered
  • Erotic trampling, where the bottom is stepped and trodden on.
  • Forniphilia, or human furniture.  Submissives may be required to act as tables, footstools or other furniture.
  • Medical play scenes.
  • Electro-sex play, through the use of a violet wand or tens unit.
  • Fire and ice play, including scenes involving fire wands, wax and ice cubes.

To a person who has not explored the world of BDsM, or who cringes at the idea of being in any kind of pain, the thought of intentionally submitting to painful treatment may seem absurd.  Why on earth would anybody want to subject themselves to such play, and how could you possibly enjoy it?  The reasons why masochism is so thrilling are as varied as the people who practice it.  Some of the most common reasons for exploring masochistic tendencies may include:

  • Feeling a rush or natural high from pain.  Pain triggers the release of endorphins in the body, which in turn may cause feelings of euphoria, relaxation and pleasure.
  • Wanting to explore physical and emotional limits. Some masochists liken their practice to endurance running or weightlifting, in that they are fascinated to see how much their body can take and explore and expand limitations.
  • A desire to own one’s pain and learn to cope with it.
  • Enjoying being at the mercy of another person.
  • Wanting to expand trust in a relationship.
  • Getting a thrill from intense sensation.
  • Using intense sensations such as impact, heat or pain to stimulate certain parts of the body, making them more sensitive to gentle touch later on.

I very firmly identify as a masochist.  I find pain erotic and I’ve definitely experienced that natural high after being flogged, spanked or tortured. I also enjoy pushing my personal limits to see how much I can withstand.  In this way, I find things like impact play or wax play almost meditative. Although they do hurt, I try to relax into the sensations, noting them and breathing through the pain until I get to that place of bliss beyond.  I liken it to running and yoga, both things that I enjoy immensely.  With all of these things, to get to the benefits and euphoria, you have to first push through a barrier of pain and resistance.

 

It’s extremely important to note that not all pain will trigger a pleasurable response in a person with masochistic tendencies.  I don’t feel sexy after stubbing my toe or being humiliated by a stranger in public.  As with any BDsM play, it’s vital that the activity is safe, sane and consensual.  The pain should be inflicted in a controlled environment, after lengthy negotiations about needs, wants and limitations. It’s extremely important that both parties trust one another so that both feel safe to explore and enjoy themselves.  It’s also vital that play progresses gradually.  With things like impact play, you can’t just start flogging the living daylights out of a submissive.  You have to warm up with gentle taps, slowly ramping up the intensity.  Proper preparation makes it a lot more likely that you will both enjoy your scene, and increases the chances that you’ll want to do it again.

As well as proper preparation before a scene, aftercare is especially vital in scenes that explore masochism. Pain can bring up all sorts of emotional stickiness, and you need to be prepared to devote the time needed to work through those feelings if they happen to bubble to the surface. The rush of endorphins and adrenaline involved with pain and fear can result in an emotional crash called Subdrop when those chemicals subside.  Subdrop is a fascinating and important topic, and one that I will talk about more in future posts.  Proper aftercare can help bring the submissive back to earth and limit the impact of drop.  Additionally, physical aftercare, such as tending to bruises and cuts, helps to make sure that the bottom is healthy and happy.  Aftercare is really important to foster trust between play partners and reassure everyone involved that they are loved, respected and cared for.

 

Masochism is a fascinating practice, and one that shows up in a variety of different BDsM scenes.  It can be a gateway to pleasure and freedom for some, even though it might seem scary to others.

Fascinated by masochism? You might like to read the other posts in this series”

I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading my ABC’s of BDsM. If any of these posts have raised any questions for you, or if there is anything you’d like to learn more about, please feel free to get in touch.

 

by

Five Fandom Friday: My favourite sequels

Last week I sat down to watch Army of Darkness for the first time.  About ten seconds in, I realised that it was, in fact, a sequel to The Evil Dead.  So I quickly switched over to watch that instead.  But after the tree-molestation scene I was ready to give up.  I decided to just watch Army of Darkness anyway, and in the end it worked out fine because it was really funny and didn’t relate too closely to The Evil Dead.

 

fandom5friday_zps5c82dc45

So I’ve been thinking a bit about sequels this week and I thought it would be a good time to do the 5 Fandom Friday tag: My Favourite Sequels.

  1. Addams Family Values

The cast of the 1990’s Addams family films was flawless.  Anjelica Huston was the perfect Morticia, and Raul Julia was ideal as Gomez.  You couldn’t ask for a better Wednesday than Christina Ricci and Christopher Lloyd is unrecognisable in the role of Uncle Fester.  This film brought together this incredible cast for a second helping of kooky fun, adding in the incomparable Carol Kane as Grandmama (the only role that was recast for the sequel).  The second instalment had just as many laughs and tongue-in-cheek jokes as the first film, and it also features the glorious tango scene- my favourite part from both films.

2. D2: The Mighty Ducks

As a child of the 1990’s I spent a fair chunk of time watching The Mighty Ducks.  Of the three films, I think that the D2 is the strongest.  It introduced some fantastic new characters, such as Julie Gaffney and Dean Portman (Bash Brothers forever!).  Additionally, this movie was less focused on Charlie Conway than the original, which I thought was a blessing because he always irritated me. There was a stronger rivalry between teams and bigger stakes that made D2 a more exciting film than it’s predecessor.

3. Toy Story 3

I went into the cinema to watch Toy Story 3 fully prepared to hate it.  I felt that 10 years was too huge a gap between Toy Story 2 and 3 and I wasn’t sure that it was going to have the same feel as the originals.  Five minutes in and I had completely changed my tune. I thought it was genius that, rather than pretending that no time had passed, Pixar embraced the time lapse and showed us Andy as a young adult, dealing with the dilemma of letting go of his childhood.  It had some emotional moments, and I choked up over and over.  But thankfully there were plenty of laughs as well (the part with Mr Tortilla Head always has me giggling).  Toy Story 3 was so clever and managed to keep the spirit of the original films while still feeling fresh.

4. The Dark Knight

There are not too many sequels that are vastly superior to the original, but this is undoubtedly one of them.  With superhero movies, the first film tends to be on the slow side, because you have to establish an origin story.   But Batman Begins was excruciatingly tedious.  The Dark Knight saved the franchise by introducing us to Heath Ledger’s Joker, a villain who is simultaneously fascinating and piss-in-your-pants terrifying. In my opinion, The Joker is the best part about this film, and his mad plots and creepy voice never fail to capture my attention.

5. The Golden Age

The Golden Age is another sequel that was made a long while after the original film.  It was released in 2007, nine years after Elizabeth.  Elizabeth was the film that kindled my fascination with the Tudor period, and I always felt a bit disappointed that the story ends just as Elizabeth really begins to come into her own as Queen.  So I was delighted when The Golden Age was announced.  As the name suggests, this film tells of the greatest period of Elizabeth I’s reign.  The first film showed us Elizabeth as a young queen, dealing with the question of marriage and struggling to rule as a woman in a man’s world.  In The Golden Age, we see Elizabeth as a confident, competent ruler.  She has already established her image as The Virgin Queen and is about to unfurl some of her greatest triumphs.  The Golden Age shows another side of Elizabeth, the vulnerable woman behind the white mask, struggling with impossible decisions and deep, personal disappointments.  Although I love both films, I feel that The Golden Age beautifully captures the strong spirit of one of England’s most impressive monarchs.

 

What are your favourite sequels?  Are there any on this list that you also love, or any that you’d like to add?

by

Product review: Destiny Super Soft by Tantus

My review of this toy begins with a geeky faux pas.  Tantus contacted me a few months ago to inform me of the release of the new Destiny Super Soft dildo and to ask if I’d be interested in trying it.  I replied eagerly that “I’m super keen to try the Density!”  The DENSITY.  Bugger!  I quickly realised that I’d made a George McFly-esque error and sent a second email to apologise.  Luckily the folks at Tantus have a brilliant sense of humour and popped a Destiny in the post for me.

The Destiny made an instant impression on me for a few reasons.  My first thought upon opening the package was “This dildo is flippin’ huge”.  The Destiny is significantly larger than any of the other toys in my collection.  Initially I was slightly concerned for the safety of my pussy, but then I remembered how much I’d enjoyed the Slick, another girthy Tantus toy, and tried to quell my fear.

InstagramCapture_421d0909-8320-492c-b11a-b7f1937ad0ed

The second thing that I noticed was the colour.  Tantus sent me the copper shade, which was a pleasant surprise.  The copper shade is a warm desert tone with just a hint of sheen.  It’s a wonderful change from all the pinks and purples that are abundant in the world of sex toys.  The Destiny is also available in Purple  Haze. The burnished copper shade really sets the Destiny apart from my other toys and gives it an almost regal appearance.

WP_20170510_17_38_06_Pro

My final impression of the appearance of this toy was that it was by far the most realistic dildo that I’ve ever owned.  I normally dislike realistic looking sex toys.  I usually shy away from flesh tones, veins and testicles on my dildos.  The Destiny features a pronounced head with a deep coronal ridge.  There is some light vein-like texture on the shaft as well.  And the lower part of the toy is adorned with rounded, plump testicles.  In spite of these details, I wasn’t put off by this toy. I think the copper colour negated the realistic features and stopped the Density looking like an actual cock.  And for that I am extremely grateful.

 

Now, those ‘realistic” features aren’t just for show.  Once I put this toy through it’s paces, I really came to appreciate how functional they were.  The ridged head felt incredible upon penetration.  When I experimented with some initial shallow thrusts, I could feel that ridge popping delightfully against the entrance of my vagina.  And once I got into some deeper play, the head worked my g spot perfectly.  The testicles felt lovely pressing against my perineum, and when I flipped the toy around I realised that they lined up just right with my clitoris.  The Destiny is so much more than a gorgeous toy, it is equipped with loads of stimulating features and potential for creative play.

WP_20170510_17_38_15_Pro

The Destiny also features a flared base, which makes it ideal for harness play and safe for anal play.  I can confirm that this is a great harness toy.  The shaft is mounted on the base at an angle, which means that when you wear it in a harness it stands erect and is easy to manoeuvre.

 

Now, I mentioned that the size of this toy was intimidating to me at first.  Well, it didn’t take me long to realise that the Destiny’s size wasn’t as scary as it first seemed. The Destiny clocks in at 4cm diameter, with 12.7 cm of insertable length.  Now, while that seems massive, the texture of the silicone makes this toy much more manageable than it appears.  The Super Soft material is delightfully squishy, and it sort of moulds to the shape of your body. There are no harsh edges or hard textures that hurt or make you feel stretched.  Because the toy is so wonderfully soft, I found it really easy to take. It has a similar softness to the ever-popular jelly toys, while still being firm enough to thrust with.

Unlike those jelly toys, which are usually porous and brimming with pthalates, The Destiny is made of 100% premium silicone.  This means that it is body safe, with no pores that can harbour germs and bacteria.  Silicone is very hygienic and super easy to clean.  You can wash it in the sink with mild soap, or for a deeper clean you can boil your toy or even pop it in the dishwasher.

 

There is really only one thing I didn’t love about the Destiny Super Soft, and that is the texture of the silicone.  The super soft silicone feels really tacky to the touch.  When I took the toy out of the packet, I thought that there must have been some residue on the toy, because it felt really sticky in my hand.  I have noticed that the tackiness goes away when the toy is wet or covered in lube, but as soon as I wash and dry it that unpleasant texture comes back. Unfortunately, this texture also makes the toy a lint magnet, attracting dust and bits of cat fur within moments of being cleaned.  While this isn’t a detrimental flaw, it is the one thing I would change about this toy if I could.

 

The Destiny Super Soft is an amazing dildo, which is perfect if you’re wanting to experiment with larger toys.  The soft texture makes it less intimidating and more comfortable to play with, while still giving you loads of sensation.  It’s awesome if you’re into strap-on play and it’s a great hybrid between a realistic and non-realistic dildo.

by

Things I love Thursday 29/6/2017

 

I’ve had a bit of a down week.  Work has been insane and I’ve had trouble dealing with the stress and mayhem.  But I’ve gotten myself through by just trying to focus on the task at hand and not looking at the piles of files that are growing all around me.  I’ve also found it helpful to think about the little things that have made me happy this week.  Let me share some with you….

  • Discovering filters on my phone.  I’ve been playing around with my new phone and the camera has lots of fun filters to play with.  I particularly enjoy the ones that morph your face or let you play dress-ups.
  • My boyfriend.  It is so fantastic to find someone who just gets me.  He and I have such similar values and views of the world that we are not only on the same page, but on the same line.  He has been incredibly supportive this week, and I’m very lucky to have him in my life.
  • Sweet potato and pear soup.  You wouldn’t think that those two flavours would go together, but they do.
  • Glow.  I’m only two episodes in, but I’m loving the 80’s costuming and girl-power attitude.  I can’t wait to see where it goes from here.
  • Diamond Dogs by David Bowie and Gravity Won’t Get You High by The Grates. Both have been playing on repeat in my flat.

Cuddle buds! #catstagram #cuddles #besties

A post shared by Vanessa Bowen (@nessbow64) on

  • Epic cuddles with Branson, my Dad’s cat.
  • The Big Fat Quiz of the Year.
  • Sunday morning texts from my bf’s mother to check in with me.
  • Knitting loads of hats for friends.
  • Seeing my parents joyfully planning holidays in their new caravan.  They both work so hard and it’s amazing to see them finally getting to go on a real adventure together.
  • Huge coats
  • Making myself into a burrito with my doona.
  • London Breakfast tea from T2
  • The tippy-tap sound my fingers make on the keyboard when I type quickly.
  • Chocolate soy ice cream with a dollop of peanut butter on top.

What do you love this week?

by

Product review: Pure Aluminium Medium Pink by Pipe Dream

When it comes to sex toys, I’m always on the lookout for interesting materials and textures.  So when I saw the Pure Aluminium range by Pipedream I was instantly intrigued.  The range comes in five different colours: purple, pink, blue, silver and gold.  Each colour has three sizes: small, medium and large.  And each toy has a different shape.  There are ribs, bulbs, curves and bumps in a variety of configurations.  After much deliberation, I chose the Pink Medium to try for myself.

WP_20170603_16_44_06_Pro

The first thing I noticed when I picked up this vibe is it’s weight.  This is one of the heaviest toys that I own, and that is a very good thing.  I like toys that have a bit of heft to them, and this one feels solid and weighty in the hand.  Despite being the colour of a Barbie convertible, this is one toy that means business.  The shaft of the vibe is rock hard and unyielding.  If you’re craving something that has absolutely no give, then this is the toy for you.

The texture of the Pure Aluminium Pink is one of my favourite aspects of this toy.  It has a defined head, which is ideal for pin-point clitoral stimulation.  In addition to that head, the shaft has another two large bulbs, which feel wonderful during thrusting. Although I’m a lover of textured toys, I find that often my vagina can’t feel small ribs or bumps.  The exaggerated curves and swerves on this vibrator are a whole other story.  I have no problem detecting each bulb as I move it inside me.  It’s a sensation that I love, and one of the reasons that I keep coming back to this toy time and time again.

Another textural feature of this toy is the slippery-smooth finish.  Aside from my glass toys, I’ve never found another vibrator that is as incredibly slick as this one.  It is also ideal for temperature play.  This toy starts out cold to the touch, and can give quite the shock when you first place it against your body.  It quickly warms up to body temperature, and actually feels hot after a short amount of playtime.  The metal holds temperature really well, so you can cool it down or warm it up to provide a variety of sensations.  I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed the feeling of the cool metal against my skin, and although it’s a bit of a shock, it’s so much fun to play with a chilly vibe.

As a dildo for penetration, I love the texture, weight and temperature of this toy.  But what about as a vibrator?  The Pure Aluminium Medium range are all three-speed, battery operated vibrators.  When I picked this toy up, I had moderately low expectations for it’s vibration power.  In my experience, I’ve found battery-operated vibes to be fairly underwhelming in terms of power and longevity.  But I was shocked by how well this vibrator works.

I can scarcely believe that this toy runs on two measly AAA batteries.  The vibrations are strong and powerful, and generally fairly rumbly.  Although there is a touch of buzziness about this vibe, the heft of the material really help to conduct the vibrations, making it feel much stronger than if it were made of silicone or jelly.  The battery life is pretty great with this toy, and it lasts for ages before dying out.  I find it also gives a little warning, slowing down a tad a few minutes before it cuts out.  I’d much prefer this to a toy that just abruptly dies in your palm. The motor is also surprisingly quiet for a battery operated toy.  There are three vibration speeds and no patterns.  I personally quite like this, because i only rarely use the pattern functions on my toys for solo play. The vibrations do get a tad buzzier as they become more intense, but not by much.

The one drawback to this vibrator is the controls.  The Pure Aluminium Medium vibes are controlled with a single push-button on the base of the shaft. You press the toy once to turn it on, and press again to turn the vibration up.  Because of the positioning of the control button, it’s very easy to accidentally push it during play.  I find this really annoying, because I often wind up turning the toy up higher than I want it, or unintentionally turning it off at a crucial moment.  Additionally, I don’t like the fact that you have to cycle through all three speeds before you can turn the toy off.  I prefer toys that have a separate on/off switch so that you can turn it off in a hurry if you are interrupted, or if you want the vibration to cease immediately.

In addition to feeling amazing, aluminium is body safe and super easy to clean. It’s non-porous and can be used with water based or silicone lubricants safely.  The battery chamber of this vibe has a rubber seal, which makes it water resistant, but not water proof.  So you can safely clean it in the sink, just don’t submerge it in water.  I find a quick rinse is usually enough to get this baby sparkling clean.  There are no cracks or crevices where gunk can get caught, which makes cleaning an absolute breeze.

The Pure Aluminium toys are relatively inexpensive, with the Medium vibrators selling for around $40-$50 each.  Based on the performance of my pink model, I’d say this makes them an absolute bargain.  I own some significantly more expensive toys that don’t perform half as well as this one.  For a battery operated vibe that has strong vibrations, a unique texture and loads of possibilities for temperature play, this is a steal. This is a great quality toy that won’t break the bank, which can be used a multitude of ways for hours of sexy fun.

by

Things I Love Thursday 22/6/2017

This past month has flown by.  Since the beginning of June, I took a little holiday from work, caught up with loads of friends and celebrated my 31st birthday.  There have been so many things that I’ve felt proud of and grateful for.

This week I love:

  • My friends.  I got so many messages of love and celebration on my birthday and each one brought an ear-to-ear smile to my face.
  • Michael Jackson.  David and I watched This Is It together and it was amazing.  I am a huge Michael Jackson fan and it breaks my heart that he didn’t get to perform his final masterpiece at least once.  I found the rehearsal footage breathtaking, and it’s hard to imagine what the final show would have been like.
  • Putting my cupcake hat on Rupert, David’s cat.  He purred like a maniac and wore the hat for a full half hour before he fell asleep and it toppled off his head.
  • Poking around vintage markets on chilly afternoons.
  • Bean burritos
  • Vegan vanilla cupcakes that look like they were pooped out by a unicorn.

Helloooo! Awesome birthday pin from my brother. #mrsdoubtfire #pins #birthday #geekery

A post shared by Vanessa Bowen (@nessbow64) on

  • My new Mrs Doubtfire pin from my brother.  I am slowly building quite a collection of cute enamel pins, and this is the newest addition to my hoard.
  • Watching the Top 1000 Songs of the 80’s countdown on Foxtel and taking bets on what would be number 1. ( I lost.  I voted Thriller, which was edged out by Living on a Prayer)
  • Kate Lister’s website Whores of Yore.  Kate is a sexual historian who explores the history of sexual practices, language and culture.  Her website is fascinating and funny as well as highly educational.
  • My new heated throw blanket.
  • Watching my cats wriggle on the floor after their dinner each night.
  • The smells of winter mornings: wood smoke, frost and wet grass
  • Booja Booja chocolate salted caramel truffles.  And also the name Booja Booja, which is really fun to say.
  • Skins.  Various friends over the years have urged me to watch this show and I’ve never listened.  Now that I’ve started, I can see why they thought I would love it.
  • The Time Traveller’s Wife.  I’m not usually into romance stories, but this one is so clever and thought-provoking.  Dr Who fans who enjoy the romance between The Doctor and River Song should give this book a whirl.
  • Gloves

What do you love this fine Thursday?