Things I Love Thursday 22/6/2017

This past month has flown by.  Since the beginning of June, I took a little holiday from work, caught up with loads of friends and celebrated my 31st birthday.  There have been so many things that I’ve felt proud of and grateful for.

This week I love:

  • My friends.  I got so many messages of love and celebration on my birthday and each one brought an ear-to-ear smile to my face.
  • Michael Jackson.  David and I watched This Is It together and it was amazing.  I am a huge Michael Jackson fan and it breaks my heart that he didn’t get to perform his final masterpiece at least once.  I found the rehearsal footage breathtaking, and it’s hard to imagine what the final show would have been like.
  • Putting my cupcake hat on Rupert, David’s cat.  He purred like a maniac and wore the hat for a full half hour before he fell asleep and it toppled off his head.
  • Poking around vintage markets on chilly afternoons.
  • Bean burritos
  • Vegan vanilla cupcakes that look like they were pooped out by a unicorn.

Helloooo! Awesome birthday pin from my brother. #mrsdoubtfire #pins #birthday #geekery

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  • My new Mrs Doubtfire pin from my brother.  I am slowly building quite a collection of cute enamel pins, and this is the newest addition to my hoard.
  • Watching the Top 1000 Songs of the 80’s countdown on Foxtel and taking bets on what would be number 1. ( I lost.  I voted Thriller, which was edged out by Living on a Prayer)
  • Kate Lister’s website Whores of Yore.  Kate is a sexual historian who explores the history of sexual practices, language and culture.  Her website is fascinating and funny as well as highly educational.
  • My new heated throw blanket.
  • Watching my cats wriggle on the floor after their dinner each night.
  • The smells of winter mornings: wood smoke, frost and wet grass
  • Booja Booja chocolate salted caramel truffles.  And also the name Booja Booja, which is really fun to say.
  • Skins.  Various friends over the years have urged me to watch this show and I’ve never listened.  Now that I’ve started, I can see why they thought I would love it.
  • The Time Traveller’s Wife.  I’m not usually into romance stories, but this one is so clever and thought-provoking.  Dr Who fans who enjoy the romance between The Doctor and River Song should give this book a whirl.
  • Gloves

What do you love this fine Thursday?

Daily outfit: Blue and BB-8

One of my new years resolutions for 2017 was to make a knitted garment of some kind.  I saw a bunch of boxy knitted jumpers popping up on ASOS and I loved them.  I thought it would be a fairly easy thing to make for my first project.  I managed to whip up this TARDIS blue jumper with a minimum of fussing and I really like it.  It’s nice and warm and super comfortable for lazy days.
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I am wearing:

  • TARDIS blue jumper (handknitted)
  • Blue pucci shirt (thrifted)
  • Bootleg jeans from K Mart
  • Dr Martens boots
  • BB-8 enamel pin from Hannah Hitchman Illustrations
  • Skull ring from ASOS
  • Moonstone ring from Lovisa
  • Fleur du Lis ring from Equip
  • Clog earrings (thrifted)

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I topped off this outfit with my new BB-8 pin from Hannah Hitchman Illustrations.  

I have been obsessed with enamel pins lately and I bought a few as a little treat right before my birthday.  This dude is adorable, and I love that he’s doing the “thumbs-up” pose with his lighter.

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I wore this outfit for a run to the shops, reading on the lawn and loads of decluttering.

Full time work and mental illness

This month marks three years since I began working full time.  The news that i had attained my first full-time job was clouded with trepidation.  I had never thought that I’d be able to manage full time work because of my mental illness.  I was sure that my depression and anxiety disorder would make it impossible for me to bear a full time workload.  But here I am, three years on and still doing the full time thing.

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Although I manage pretty well, there are some pretty serious bumps in the road.  I often struggle to cope, and at times have thought about pumping the brakes and going back to part time work.  Today I wanted to share some of the challenges and benefits to working full time when you have a mental illness.

 

Finding time for self care

For me, managing my depression consists of a carefully-structured routine that centres around self care.  Years of trial and error have led me to a series of self-care steps that generally manage to keep my mental health on an even keel. I know that in order to feel my best, I need to eat properly and get enough sleep.  My yoga practice keeps me fit and helps calm my monkey mind.  Journalling several times a week gets those anxious thoughts out of my head. All these steps are choreographed into a daily dance that helps keep my head above water.

When I was working part time, it was much easier to find the balance between working and self care.  Now, when eight-and-a-half hours of each day are spent at the office, that leaves another eight for sleeping and then a further eight for eating, household responsibilities and self care.  That doesn’t leave a lot of spare time for socialising or family time.  And I’m often jammed between choosing to spend time with friends at the detriment of my self-care regime.  If I spend too much time with my family, or my boyfriend, or my mates, then my mental health begins to slide because I’m not able to keep up with those vital self care activities.  But it’s not always easy to leave a family dinner early because you need to do your yoga or because you just need to be alone for a while.  It’s difficult for people to understand why you’re piking out early, or declining invitations.  And after a while, they stop inviting you altogether if you bail too often.

 

Working full time has made it a lot more challenging to fit in those ever-important self care rituals.  And sometimes I’m overwhelmed with frustration because it feels like all I do is go to work, come home and run through the motions of keeping myself sane.  It’s maddening when it feels like there isn’t time for anything else in the day, and when you feel like so much more is expected of you and you aren’t able to achieve it.

 

To tell, or not to tell?

I’ve grappled with the decision of whether or not to tell the people I work with that I have depression and anxiety.  I’ve had mixed responses in the past, and when I begin a new job I’m always a bit gun-shy about disclosing my illness.

There’s the risk that the people you work with will treat you differently when they find out you have a mental illness.  There is still so much stigma surrounding mental illness, and it can be hard to work when you feel like people are walking on eggshells around you.  There’s also the unpleasant feeling of knowing that a workmate is internally rolling their eyes at you and wondering why you can’t just toughen up and manage your life like everyone else does.

On the other hand, many employers and workmates will be exceedingly supportive if they find out that you have a mental illness.  So it’s always a delicate balancing act of deciding whether you should mention it, and if so, when you should disclose your illness.

 

The perils of an invisible illness in the workplace

I went through a period last year where I was going through a really bad patch with my depression.  I was struggling to get out of bed each morning, and I just felt despondent all the time.  But I felt as though I had to force myself through the motions of everyday life anyway.  One morning about three weeks into this hellish patch I woke up with a fever and a sore throat.  I nearly cried with relief.  Why on earth was I so pleased that I was sick?  Well, because I felt like now that I had outward physical symptoms, I could take a sick day. Even though I’d been terribly unwell for weeks, it was only when my illness became physical that I felt like I was justified in staying home.

 

Invisible illnesses come with tricky pitfalls.  There’s always the worry that people will think you’re faking it.  That you’re making it up to get out of work or to avoid responsibility.  When you have no physical symptoms to “prove” that you’re unwell, it’s difficult to justify taking time off.  This is particularly true when you’re depressed or anxious and you simply don’t have the emotional fortitude to assert your needs or argue with workmates who don’t understand that mental illness can be as debilitating as physical illnesses.  For me, I’ve never been brave enough to call in sick when I’ve needed a ‘mental health day”.  Even though I think it would be justified, I still haven’t ever been able to bring myself to do it.

 

The mental load of engaging with others

I am a self-confessed introvert.  I much prefer my own company to the company of others.  I find being around other people (with the exception of a few of my nearest and dearest) mentally taxing.  And when those interactions take place in a professional environment, that makes it just a little more difficult for me.  On my good days, I can manage the daily office banter perfectly well.  I can smile at staff meetings, make small talk at the copier and pick up my intercom without breaking into a cold sweat.  But when my anxiety is kicking in or I’m on the verge of a crash, managing those polite, simple interactions becomes a monumental task.  Just answering a question from a colleague about the stationery order can leave me on the verge of tears.  Each time my intercom buzzes I feel a sharp pang in my chest and my breath comes in bursts.  For me, the mere task of being around other people is taxing and takes a huge mental load.  It’s extremely difficult to keep my professional mask in place and do my job like I’m supposed to.

 

Financial security and the money buffer

One really positive thing that my full time job has brought to my life is the feeling of financial security.  When I was working part time, I was making enough to pay my bills and not much extra.  I would often fall into a panic about what would happen if I had a sudden emergency and needed extra cash.  I wasn’t in a position to cover unforeseen costs, and the idea that I might suddenly require hospital care or need to pay for repairs on my flat was terrifying to me.

 

Now I feel much more secure about my financial position.  I know that my bills are covered and I have enough to put food on the table.  I can switch the heater on or take an extra shower without panicking about the spike in my bills.  And I now have enough that I can save towards some financial goals and stuff a bit of cash away for the future.  For all the stress that full time work brings, that financial security and knowing that I’m looking after myself is really reassuring.

 

A reason and a purpose

Although I’ve mentioned a lot of the struggles I have with my depression and work, taking on a full time job has helped my depression and anxiety as well.  I’ve gained confidence as I’ve learned new skills and managed challenges at work.  I’ve come to see that I’m quite capable of dealing with difficult problems and working with other people in my office as a team. Additionally, there are days when it’s difficult to get up, to shower and to drag myself through the day.  But I do it because I have to.  Because I know I have a job and I can’t afford to lose it.  Because I care about the work I do and I don’t want to let my workmates down. While that could be a lot of pressure for some folks, for me it works well as a motivator and helps me to move forward.

 

Do you have a mental illness and a full time job?  How do you manage it?  What are some of the challenges and benefits you’ve experienced?

 

S is for Sadism

This is part 3. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

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S is for Sadism

Sadism refers to the practice of deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, discomfort and humiliation upon another person.  In the BDsM context, it often involves a consensual exchange of power in which the Dominant partner inflicts pain upon the submissive partner.  Sadism is a strong feature in many aspects of BDsM play, including:

  • Impact play, such as spanking, caning, whipping or flogging.
  • Wax play, where hot wax is dripped onto the skin of a submissive partner
  • Humiliation play, where the submissive party is required to perform actions that they find degrading, wear clothing that embarrasses them or is subjected to ridicule.
  • Knife play
  • Electro-sex, where a violet wand or tens unit is used to inflict electrical shocks, currents and sensations.
  • Bondage scenes where the submissive partner is restrained in an uncomfortable or unflattering position.
  • Torture scenes, which may include breast torture, cock and ball torture or bastinado (foot torture).
  • Role play scenes that are intended to induce fear in the submissive party.

While a lot of these types of play may seem frightening and worrisome to a person who is unfamiliar with BDsM, the fact is that in practice they are carefully planned and controlled.  Although physical and psychological pain are large components of scenes that involve Sadism, most sexual sadist aren’t bullies or meanies.  There are a number of different reasons that a person may be excited by sexual sadism, for example:

  • Enjoying the physical sensation of wielding the tools of the trade, such as floggers, whips and paddles.
  • Relishing the feeling of control and dominance over another person.
  • Being aroused or excited by the reactions of the submissive partner
  • Performing a service for the submissive, by fulfilling their desires and helping them to face their fears and fantasies.
  • Enjoyment in the planning of a scene or the polishing of skills such as whipping or torture.
  • Fascination in the operation of the body, in seeing how the body responds to certain treatment and pain.
  • Feeling a sense of joy or pleasure at earning the trust of a submissive party.

The topic of Sadism is one that I’ve found elicits strong responses in people who are not familiar with the world and practice of BDsM.  And I can see why.  From the outside, the idea of a person who enjoys hurting others can be very frightening. The image our minds conjures up when we talk about torture and humiliation is that of a villain or a bully. But in the real-life practice of BDsM, this often couldn’t be further from the truth.  Many people who practice sexual sadism are caring, loving individuals.  Some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met have sadistic tendencies in the bedroom.  As with any of the other practices in BDsM, there are a number of special considerations that must be undertaken to ensure that the scene you are partaking in is safe, sane and consensual:

  • Long before any play begins, the parties involved should take the time to have an open and frank discussion about personal limits and set specific guidelines for how the scene should progress.
  • The submissive party should disclose any medical conditions or injuries.
  • Safewords should be employed in situations where sadism play is taking place.  A safeword is a word or phrase that, when uttered, brings the action to a halt.
  • The dominant party should be aware of their own personal skill level and limitations and operate within those boundaries.
  • Before participating in impact play, learn the parts of the body that are safe to hit, and those which must be avoided.
  • Make sure that all equipment used, such as floggers or paddles, needles, sex toys or gags, are clean and in working order.
  • Do your research.  Read books, watch videos and visit blogs that deal with the particular type of play you are interested in.  Practice your skills and hone your knowledge before attempting a new type of play.
  • Build up trust and intimacy slowly.  S&M play requires a huge amount of trust between the parties involved, and this can only be built over time.  I don’t recommend engaging in S&M with someone you don’t know well enough to be sure that you can trust them.
  • Never participate in sexual sadism if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  If your judgement is impaired, you could wind up badly hurting your submissive.
  • Ensure that you have first aid supplies at hand in case something goes wrong.  Bruises, cuts and scrapes do happen sometimes even in the most carefully planned scene.
  • Aftercare is vitally important in scenes that involve pain or humiliation. Both the dominant and submissive parties need time to come down after a scene, tend to their bodies and minds and debrief.

As you can see, sadism isn’t all about torture and trials, it’s about creativity, curiosity, nurturing and fascination. It’s about eliciting a response and exploring our limits and skills. People who identify as sexual sadists aren’t necessarily horrible or cruel, and most are fantastically caring and kind.  As with all aspects of BDsM, there is a level of danger involved in indulging one’s sadistic urges, but with proper planning and care, they can be explored safely and with great success.

 

In my final chapter of The ABC’s of BDsM, I’ll be talking about the flipside of the S&M coin: Masochism.

If you enjoyed this chapter, you may enjoy my previous posts:

Toy review: Slick dildo by Tantus

Can you believe that Masturbation Month is nearly over and I haven’t written a single toy review?  Well luckily the sweet folks at Tantus sent me the Slick Dildo to test and review for you. So in celebration of Masturbation May, let’s get down to it.

The Slick is one of Tantus’ dual density toys.  This means that it’s got a firm inner core and a soft outer layer.  I’ve never tried a dual density toy before so I was rearing to give these a go.  And boy, they do not disappoint! The Slick is like the lovechild of a rock-hard toy and a jelly-soft dildo. It is firm enough to thrust vigorously but soft enough to feel comfortable and sensual.  It’s like the Goldilocks dildo: neither too hard, nor too soft.  It’s just right.

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The Slick comes in two shades: Black and Purple Haze.  I got one of each colour and I adore them both.  I have several purple haze toys from Tantus, including my Silk dildos, and the pearly sheen on the silicone is so pretty.  The black is shiny and dark and looks utterly formidable.  I feel like such a badass when I’m wielding that midnight-hued cock in my harness.  I also adore the fact that this toy doesn’t look like a cock.  Many of Tantus’s dual density toys are realistic-looking dildos.  Which is great if you like realistic toys….but I don’t.  I much prefer toys that look phallic, but not like actual penises.

One of the first things I notice when I put these two toys side-by-side is the difference in sizes.  There is a big leap between the small and the large, and initially I wished that there was a size in between. But once I began playing with the Slick dildos, I realised that each size had it’s distinct advantages.

The small Slick has quickly become my favourite dildo for pegging.  The teardrop-shaped base makes it fit snugly into my harness.  The tapered tip is perfect for gradual, easy insertion and it’s a great size. It’s big enough to provide a good amount of sensation and fullness, but it’s not so massive that it’s intimidating to the person on the receiving end. If your partner has a prostate, the spade-shaped tip and slight curve are great for gentle prostate massage. Because the tip is soft and squishy, it provides a gentle sensation rather than a harsh poke.

When I opened the box and saw the large Slick, I shook my head with disbelief.  I truly didn’t think that this monster dildo would ever fit inside my dainty vagina, let alone feel good while doing so.  I’m on the petite side and I know that my pussy is a tight squeeze. In addition to that, I have a fairly low cervix so I was sure that this dildo would be far too large to be inserted very far.  But, as a dutiful sex geek I was determined to give it a red-hot go.

The Slick Large is the first sex toy to ever make me marvel at what my cunt is capable of.  I know that, in theory, a vagina is able to accommodate a baby, and that there are loads of ladies who love being penetrated by big toys.  But I never expected to be one of them. For years, I was deeply afraid of penetrative play, to the point where I saw a sex therapist. The thought that I would one day be tackling a toy of this magnitude, and loving it, would have been ludicrous to me a decade ago.

The dual density texture definitely helped me to enjoy the feel of this toy.  Even though it’s nice and firm, it has a gentle softness that means it doesn’t feel harsh during play.  The silicone is so smooth, the Slick lives up to it’s name, gliding in and out of your body. The head is nice and squishy, so it never once poked me in the cervix (a horribly un-fun experience that I’ve had with other, more solid, toys).

And that head….can we talk about the head for a second?  The spade-shaped head on this toy is genius. Not only does it make initial penetration easier because it’s tapered, but it is incredible for G-spot play.  If you’re new to G-spotting, I heartily recommend this toy.  The head is so bulbous that it’s nearly impossible to miss your G-spot.  And it’s so soft and malleable that it massages that spot so delightfully, moving with your body and gently compressing with your muscles as you orgasm.

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In addition to looking and feeling great, the Slick is made with gorgeously smooth silicone, which means it’s body safe and easy to clean.

I absolutely love the Slick, and it has quickly become one of my favourite toys in my toybox.  While I’m not yet ready to wear the title of Size Queen, I think the large Slick has at the very least made me feel like a Size Princess.

Things I love Thursday 25/5/2017

It’s been an awfully long time since I did a Things I Love Thursday post, and there are just so many things that are making me smile this week.  I’m ready to jump on in and share the happy!

I love:

  • Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell.  I just finished reading this book and it was excellent.  Sure, it’s in the young adult category, but that doesn’t lessen the awesomeness of this book.  In addition to being deliciously geeky, it deals with some really heavy issues like anxiety, bipolar disorder, dysfunctional families and navigating first relationships.  I truly enjoyed it.

Homemade sweet potato gnocchi with creamy mushroom sauce. #dinner #vegan #Italian #foodstagram #pastafrenzy

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  • This sweet potato gnocchi I made for dinner on Sunday night.  I have made ricotta gnocchi before, but potato gnocchi just seemed too fiddly and difficult. I was so wrong.  It was much simpler than I expected and the sweet potato was a fun twist.  The sauce was also out of this world. It was the yummiest, creamiest pasta sauce I’ve made since I went vegan.  If you want to give it a try, this is the recipe I used.
  • Sharing my yoga mat with Mr Ringo, who thinks that yoga time is the perfect opportunity to steal kisses and smoosh his whiskers against my toes.
  • Celebrating my Dad’s 60th birthday with a low-key family dinner.
  • Warm socks and nightshirts.
  • Wes Anderson movie marathons
  • Watching American Pie with my long-distance love over Netflix and chatting on Skype about the horrendous plot holes and questionable fashion choices.
  • Good Mythical Morning.  This show has been one of my favourites for about a year now.  This week I watched this episode, featuring Mayim Bialik and nearly peed myself with laughter.

  • Nude lipstick.  I was always heartily bored by nude shades, but lately I’ve been drawn to them.  I found a gorgeous matte pinky nude by Lipstick Queen that I’m smitten with and I’ve been wearing it non-stop.
  • Rearranging my kitchen. I’ve switched around all my cupboards, moving the stuff I use most often into the spaces closest to the sink and countertop and lesser-used items into the far side of the room. It is so much more convenient and putting the dishes away takes a lot less time now.
  • Master of None.  This show is massively underrated.  It is funny, thought-provoking and full of heart.

  • This rad enamel pin.  I bought one for myself a few weeks ago and it finally arrived!  It has all the elements I love: it’s pink, it’s adorable, it’s sassy and it references Grease!
  • Chimichangas.  I had my first one last week and it was a revelation.  I can understand what Deadpool is so worked up about.

Took myself to the salon for a big chop. I feel like the sleekest fox in town. #hair #bob #sideshave #selfcare

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  • Getting my hair cut.  I had about eight inches cut off my hair last week and it feels so much better now. I hadn’t really noticed how long my hair was getting, but I did see that it was due for a trim.  Once I was in the salon chair, I just wanted the hairdresser to keep cutting and cutting.  I love my swingy new ‘do.
  • Finally, this magnificent post called You Should Have Asked by Emma.  It so perfectly describes a phenomenon that I’ve been trying to put into words for years. It’s about the idea that in so many heterosexual households, the woman is the person who manages the house. Like, not just doing the housework, but undertaking the role of Project Manager for the entire home. And that this has a detrimental impact on mental health, self worth, relationships and family structure.  I’ve been in this situation, and it was this mental load and my partner’s refusal to take some of it off my shoulders that began to erode my longest relationship.  It’s hugely damaging and difficult to talk about, so I was exceptionally excited to find this cartoon that so wonderfully expresses these ideas.

What do you love this week?

D is for Discipline

This is part 2. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

DSCF8568D is for Discipline

Discipline refers to the use of rules to control behaviour and the consequences that may arise as a result of breaking these rules.  In a BDsM context, discipline usually involves some form of power exchange between a dominant party (the person imposing the rules and doling out punishment) and a submissive party (the person adhering to the restrictions).

 

Discipline appears in the BDsM world in countless ways.  It may be applied to a short-lived scene, or employed over a long period of time by people participating in Dominant/submissive relationships.  The ways in which discipline is carried out varies widely across situations, but some of the more common uses of discipline include:

  • “Punishment” role play scenes between an authority figure and a submissive party such as a teacher and a student.
  • Rules or contracts between partners in long-term relationships to prune bad habits and foster beneficial behaviour.
  • Protocol.  Protocol is a huge topic all of it’s own, but it essentially boils down to codes of conduct for submissives, such as the correct way to sit, stand, kneel, serve drinks and perform other tasks.  It is similar to etiquette and is usually employed either at home or at specific BDsM events.
  • Orgasm control, where a submissive party is only permitted to orgasm with the permission of their dominant.
  • Chastity play, where the submissive party is forbidden to engage in sexual contact with another person or to touch themselves sexually.  This may involve the use of chastity devices.
  • Training as part of pet play, slave training or service submission training.

Discipline overlaps heavily with the other aspects of BDsM, particularly sadism and masochism.  I will talk more about these aspects in future posts.  It is often the case that a sadistic dominant will impose difficult or impossible rules as an excuse to inflict pain or punishment upon their submissive.  Discipline also plays a role in many common bondage scenes, and bondage may be used as a punishment when rules are broken.

Discipline commonly comes into play with couples who have a long term Dominant/submissive relationship or power exchange.  In these types of relationship, the dominant party will set rules and standards of expected behaviour for the submissive.  These rules will sometimes be put in place purely for the pleasure of the dominant, and may include restrictions on how the submissive may dress, how they will address the dominant, where they will sleep and tasks they must perform for the dominant.  Other rules may be set in place to assist the submissive to learn a new skill or break a habit.

Consequences for breaking rules vary from mild to extreme depending on the type of relationship and the desires of the parties involved.  Some common punishments include:

  • Spanking, whipping or flogging
  • bondage or restrictions of movement
  • humiliation
  • being made to sit in a corner
  • writing lines
  • forced orgasm
  • Performing unpleasant chores such as washing the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush
  • An apology.

There is a difference between punishments for play and punishments for behavioural training.  In a play scene, punishments like spankings or bondage are more likely to be used, because these are things that the submissive party will find enjoyable.  In the case where a dominant is training a submissive, punishments are more likely to be unpleasant, because they are intended to be something that the submissive will wish to avoid.

Why do people enjoy discipline?  Well, as I mentioned earlier, discipline fits very neatly with sadism and masochism, two of the other branches of BDsM.  Discipline is a perfect pretext for punishments such as canings and spankings, as well as humiliation play.  Discipline is a wonderful tool for learning and improving the self.  Many people enjoy controlling the behaviour of others or being controlled and following orders.  Some find it freeing to have a set of rules in place, so have someone else make those choices for them and to know that all they have to do it follow the rules.  The desire to please is a strong part of the pull towards discipline, whether that means being proud of your own achievements or earning praise from your master or dominant.

As with any BDsM play or practice, discipline should be carried out in a safe, sane and consensual way.  Some specific considerations include the following:

  • Rules and punishments should always be carefully negotiated. Both parties should discuss the reasons for a rule and any objections should be talked through.
  • Rule sheets and contracts should be reviewed from time to time. I know many people in D/s relationships who have a set date every month to review their rules and discuss what is working, what is not, remove rules that have become obsolete and add new rules.
  • It may be worthwhile giving each new rule a trial period before it becomes a part of your formal rule agreement (if you have one).  This helps to identify any practical issues that may not become immediately obvious.
  • Don’t try to add too many rules at once.  This can become overwhelming and untenable.
  • Punishments should be unpleasant, but they should never injure or traumatize a submissive.
  • Don’t make rules that will negatively impinge upon employment, family commitments or personal health.
  • Communicate.  Often, openly and honestly.

Discipline is a huge topic, and not one that I can cover in a single blog post.  If there are any specific questions you have, please feel free to get in touch with me and I will attempt to answer them in future posts.

Next time, I’ll be delving into the practice of Sadism.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you may like to check out the other posts in this series: