D is for Discipline

This is part 2. of my ABC’s of BDsM series.  In each post, I will break down one letter of the BDsM acronym to delve deeper into what practices and preferences make up the world of BDsM.  This is by no means a definitive discussion of BDsM, but is rather intended to be a primer for interested beginners.

DSCF8568D is for Discipline

Discipline refers to the use of rules to control behaviour and the consequences that may arise as a result of breaking these rules.  In a BDsM context, discipline usually involves some form of power exchange between a dominant party (the person imposing the rules and doling out punishment) and a submissive party (the person adhering to the restrictions).

 

Discipline appears in the BDsM world in countless ways.  It may be applied to a short-lived scene, or employed over a long period of time by people participating in Dominant/submissive relationships.  The ways in which discipline is carried out varies widely across situations, but some of the more common uses of discipline include:

  • “Punishment” role play scenes between an authority figure and a submissive party such as a teacher and a student.
  • Rules or contracts between partners in long-term relationships to prune bad habits and foster beneficial behaviour.
  • Protocol.  Protocol is a huge topic all of it’s own, but it essentially boils down to codes of conduct for submissives, such as the correct way to sit, stand, kneel, serve drinks and perform other tasks.  It is similar to etiquette and is usually employed either at home or at specific BDsM events.
  • Orgasm control, where a submissive party is only permitted to orgasm with the permission of their dominant.
  • Chastity play, where the submissive party is forbidden to engage in sexual contact with another person or to touch themselves sexually.  This may involve the use of chastity devices.
  • Training as part of pet play, slave training or service submission training.

Discipline overlaps heavily with the other aspects of BDsM, particularly sadism and masochism.  I will talk more about these aspects in future posts.  It is often the case that a sadistic dominant will impose difficult or impossible rules as an excuse to inflict pain or punishment upon their submissive.  Discipline also plays a role in many common bondage scenes, and bondage may be used as a punishment when rules are broken.

Discipline commonly comes into play with couples who have a long term Dominant/submissive relationship or power exchange.  In these types of relationship, the dominant party will set rules and standards of expected behaviour for the submissive.  These rules will sometimes be put in place purely for the pleasure of the dominant, and may include restrictions on how the submissive may dress, how they will address the dominant, where they will sleep and tasks they must perform for the dominant.  Other rules may be set in place to assist the submissive to learn a new skill or break a habit.

Consequences for breaking rules vary from mild to extreme depending on the type of relationship and the desires of the parties involved.  Some common punishments include:

  • Spanking, whipping or flogging
  • bondage or restrictions of movement
  • humiliation
  • being made to sit in a corner
  • writing lines
  • forced orgasm
  • Performing unpleasant chores such as washing the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush
  • An apology.

There is a difference between punishments for play and punishments for behavioural training.  In a play scene, punishments like spankings or bondage are more likely to be used, because these are things that the submissive party will find enjoyable.  In the case where a dominant is training a submissive, punishments are more likely to be unpleasant, because they are intended to be something that the submissive will wish to avoid.

Why do people enjoy discipline?  Well, as I mentioned earlier, discipline fits very neatly with sadism and masochism, two of the other branches of BDsM.  Discipline is a perfect pretext for punishments such as canings and spankings, as well as humiliation play.  Discipline is a wonderful tool for learning and improving the self.  Many people enjoy controlling the behaviour of others or being controlled and following orders.  Some find it freeing to have a set of rules in place, so have someone else make those choices for them and to know that all they have to do it follow the rules.  The desire to please is a strong part of the pull towards discipline, whether that means being proud of your own achievements or earning praise from your master or dominant.

As with any BDsM play or practice, discipline should be carried out in a safe, sane and consensual way.  Some specific considerations include the following:

  • Rules and punishments should always be carefully negotiated. Both parties should discuss the reasons for a rule and any objections should be talked through.
  • Rule sheets and contracts should be reviewed from time to time. I know many people in D/s relationships who have a set date every month to review their rules and discuss what is working, what is not, remove rules that have become obsolete and add new rules.
  • It may be worthwhile giving each new rule a trial period before it becomes a part of your formal rule agreement (if you have one).  This helps to identify any practical issues that may not become immediately obvious.
  • Don’t try to add too many rules at once.  This can become overwhelming and untenable.
  • Punishments should be unpleasant, but they should never injure or traumatize a submissive.
  • Don’t make rules that will negatively impinge upon employment, family commitments or personal health.
  • Communicate.  Often, openly and honestly.

Discipline is a huge topic, and not one that I can cover in a single blog post.  If there are any specific questions you have, please feel free to get in touch with me and I will attempt to answer them in future posts.

 

Next time, I’ll be delving into the practice of Sadism.

What I wore 26/4/2017

 

I’ve been kind of obsessed with printed scarves lately.  I’ve been wearing them looped around my neck, tied onto my handbag and wrapped around my hair.  It’s amazing how a simple square of coloured silk can turn a regular outfit into something that feels a tad more special.

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My outfits this week have had a distinct 70’s vibe to them as well. I’ve been dabbling with jeans, earthy tones and hoop earrings.

 

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I am wearing:

  • Red nautical print scarf (thrifted)
  • Collared blouse from Temt
  • Bootleg jeans from K-Mart
  • Red slingback heels from I love Billy
  • Gold hoop earrings
  • Penny Farthing brooch (gift from my friend Tom, all the way from Berlin)
  • Turquoise ring

 

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I wore this outfit to go grocery shopping, and then drink coffee and read for several hours.

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These shoes were purchased last year on sale.  I’d been on the lookout for a pair of red wedges after my old faithful polka-dot pair died.  I was instantly drawn to the rainbow detailing on the wedge.  These are great because they’re nice and low, so they are fairly comfortable.

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I kept my makeup fairly natural with a touch of gloss and some groomed brows.  I wanted to keep the look fairly down-to-earth and simple.

 

What have you been wearing lately? Is there a particular item that has been popping up in your outfits over and over again?

What I wore: 18/4/2017

Once upon a time I owned a gorgeous pair of black boots.  They were leather with silver hardware and a stack heel. They found their way into my life after a chance encounter at at second hand store.  After countless adventures together, they tragically parted ways with their soles last winter.

 

Since then, I’ve been on the hunt for a pair of boots to replace them.  I had a clear picture in my mind of what I was after, and yet the perfect boots were somewhat elusive.  But recently I snapped up this pair of vegan leather boots on ebay and they are just ideal.  Supple, soft and comfortable, I believe they are set to become a wardrobe staple.

 

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I paired the boots with one of my favourite vintage dresses for a drive to take some photos of street art and lunch with my parents.

 

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I am wearing:

  • Black and red floral dress (vintage)
  • Black leopard fishnet tights (K Mart)
  • Black vegan leather boots (ebay)
  • Silver swallow chain link belt (vintage)
  • Turquoise earrings (handmade by my aunt)
  • Silver ring

 

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This belt belonged to my best friend’s grandmother. It is such a gorgeous and unusual piece.  It always adds a bit of interest to simple dresses, and I love the way it looks when paired with something heavily printed.

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My headscarf is actually the sash off my dress.  As I was wearing the silver belt, I thought it would be fun to pull my hair back with the sash and go all matchy-matchy.

 

 photo DSCF1117_zpsbyjewm7g.jpgThese boots are just what the doctor ordered.  They are beautiful for wearing with my hippie getups, but they will also look great with some of my grittier punk-rock looks.  I have even worn them to work a couple of times over cigarette pants and under prim dresses.  They were a brilliant find and I’m so chuffed with them.

Wall to Wall Festival 2017

Art and culture aren’t things that one typically associates with country towns.  But that couldn’t be further from reality when one considers my hometown of Benalla, Victoria.  Benalla not only has an awesome art gallery and a stellar performing arts centre, but it is the home to the annual Wall to Wall street art festival.

 

Now in it’s third year, Wall to Wall is responsible for some incredible pieces of artwork that are dotted around the town.  Last week, artists began staking out their spots and sketching.  On Saturday I took my camera for a walk to take a look at the works in progress.

 

This year’s offerings are varied and colourful, with a number of amazing 3D pieces included in the mix.  If you have the means to travel to Benalla one weekend, I suggest you do so and take a long walk and gaze upon the amazing works of art that are dotted around the walls and pavements of this town.

 

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As part of the festival, The Wall to Wall committee organized a giant community paint-by-numbers.  Everyone was invited to come along and join in to create an amazing painting.  Sadly, I’d forgotten that this was taking place and I was a tad too dressed up to muck in with the painters.  I wish that I’d worn jeans instead so that I could have joined in the fun.

 

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Do you have a favourite piece?

 

 

 

Five Fandom Friday: My to-be-read pile

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One of my new years resolutions was to get my to-be-read pile under control.  The top of my bookcase in my bedroom is a dedicated space where I keep the books i have yet to read.  However, that orderly pile has begun spilling from between my bookends, and the overflow has formed two additional stacks. This simply won’t do!  I am trying to make time to read more as well as attempting to curb my urge to buy every interesting-looking book that catches my eye.  This is proving challenging, particularly as I often feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of choices each time I begin a new book.

 

So I felt that this 5 Fandom Friday Prompt was timely and served two purposes.  Firstly, it will help me identify five books that I am most looking forward to reading and secondly, it will give you a glimpse at my reading material.  Let’s make a start.

 

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  1. The Lady of the Rivers by Philippa Gregory

I’m obsessed with Tudor history and historical fiction set in this era always piques my interest.  I am a fan of Philippa Gregory’s novels, because I think she does a brilliant job creating strong connections to her characters and it’s fun to imagine what it might have been like to live during those times.  The Lady of the Rivers focuses on Jacquetta of Luxembourg, Henry VII’s grandmother in law.  Jacquetta was a formidable woman and possibly a witch.  I have already read The Red Queen and The White Queen, and Jacquetta was a background character in each of those stories.  I’m really looking forward to reading a story with her at the forefront.

 

2. According to Yes by Dawn French

I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to sit down with this book, because each of Dawn French’s other books has barely lasted a week on my shelf before I’ve torn into it. I absolutely adore her characters and her witty yet heartfelt writing style.  From the cryptic blurb on the back, I get the impression that this is going to be a tale of self-indulgence and finally breaking free after a lifetime of denying ones own impulses.  And it sounds very juicy indeed.

 

3. The Shepherd’s Crown by Terry Pratchett

There’s a reason why this book has been sitting on my shelf for such a long time.  Terry Pratchett is my favourite author, and this is the final book that was published after his death.  I have been trying to work up the courage to read it, because I know that it’s going to be emotional, almost like saying goodbye to a close friend.  The Shepherd’s Crown features one of my favourite Pratchett characters: Tiffany Aching.  Tiffany is a young witch who is steely and fierce yet still has all the vulnerability of a teenager.  I know I’m going to love this book, but it breaks my heart that once this one is done, there are no more new Pratchett books left to read.

 

4. The Colour Purple by Alice Walker

Since seeing the film several years ago, I have been burning to read The Colour Purple.  The copy on my shelf is battered and dog-eared, having been purchased from a tiny book stall in Melbourne.  This story of two sisters in the Deep South, facing unimaginable oppression and fear, promises to be moving and poignant.

 

5. Aimee & Jaguar by Erica Fischer

A true story of two women who fell in love in Berlin in 1942, and the gut-wrenching realities that pulled them apart.  I have been searching for more queer fiction to add to my literary menu, and this story has been on my to-read list for quite some time.  I am truly looking forward to being transported back in time by the words and pages, and walking with the two title characters as they discover one another and develop their love.

 

What have you been reading lately?  What’s on your to-read pile?

Things I love Thursday 6/4/2017

It’s the first Thursday of April and it’s time for a Things I love Thursday post.  Pour yourself a cup of tea and relax while I share all the things that I’ve loved lately.

 

I love:

  • Celebrating my one-year anniversary with my beloved, David.  He is such an amazing person and he makes me feel so blessed. We have had an awesome year together and I can’t wait to see what adventures the future has in store for us.

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  • Having Mr Ringo peer over my shoulder while I read.  He’s such a curious little dude.
  • The late emergence of Autumn weather.  The final week of March was almost unbearably humid and hot.  I honestly wondered if the weather was ever going to cool off.  But like clockwork, April brought a crisp morning wind and a chill to the air.  I’ve happily been rocking knits and socks, and I’ve had the perfect excuse to break out the slippers I was gifted months ago.

 

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  • This Deadpool stuffie that David bought me for our anniversary. For our first date, we saw Deadpool and played the arcade machines at the cinema.  So now, Deadpool is kinda “our” movie.
  • Lush’s Ruby Red Slippers bubble bath bar.

 

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  • Argyle vests
  • Putting the sleeves on a jumper I’m knitting for myself.  I”ve already finished one simple jumper for myself, thus completing my new years resolution of knitting an actual garment.  This time I’m working on something with more shaping and raglan sleeves.

 

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  • This awesome Monsters Inc tee shirt I picked up for $7 at Uniqlo.  I have a few Uniqlo shirts now and they are such good quality.
  • The Good Dinosaur.  I finally got around to watching it and it made me cry so hard. And also laugh so hard.  And then cry again.  And laugh some more.  It was a yo-yo of emotions.

 

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  • finding the final Sandman book to complete my extensive collection in the op shop for just one dollar.  It was a proud moment.
  • Project Runway.  I’ve become a tiny bit obsessed.

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  • This room service pizza I got for dinner on our anniversary.  It was not vegan (it had goat’s cheese) but it was vegetarian. It had zucchini, pumpkin, pine nuts and leek. It was so amazingly good that I didn’t even care that I had a food baby for our anniversary-celebration-sexy-times.
  • Actual vegan recipes I’ve made these past few weeks, including an off-the-charts mushroom stroganoff and a mock-chicken and vegetable soup. I’m getting extremely good at this vegan cooking thing.

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  • Finding a mega-cute heart hoop for my helix piercing.  I’m always on the lookout for unusual body jewellery and I really haven’t changed the stud in my helix since I got it pierced nearly eighteen months ago.  This heart was just the ticket, and it’s so comfortable.
  • Wood fire smoke
  • Being able to snuggle under layers of quilts without exploding from heat.

What do you love this week?

Daily outfit 20/3/2017

I’ve really been feeling the pin-up vibe with my outfits lately.  Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I’ve been listening to a lot of The Baseballs amazing do-wop covers. Perhaps it’s because the steaming hot end-of-summer temperatures have made me feel all warm and sultry under the collar.  Whatever the reason, I’ve been reaching for my hairspray and winged eyeliner to create the perfect pin-up look.

 

I wore this outfit to dinner a few nights ago, and managed to snap off a few pictures as I raced out the door.

 

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I am wearing:

  • Cruelle De Vil Tee shirt from Threadless
  • Black and white polka dot skirt from Best N Less
  • Red buckled stilettos (thfited)
  • Black studded leather belt (gift from my ex)
  • Dice earrings from Equip

 

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I recently purchased the NYX vinyl liquid eyeliner and it’s been a godsend in this hot weather.  The applicator is a very thin brush, so you can easily apply your liner with pinpoint precision.  It dries fast and has the most deliciously patent finish.  Best of all, this stuff doesn’t budge.  I can be sweating like a disco queen under a spotlight and my eyeliner remains crisp and clean.

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I’ve opted to wear a pretty apple-tinted gloss on my lips rather than my traditional full red lip.  I just find gloss to be a lot more forgiving in the heat.  This one is the Innoxa Antioxidant Lip Glaze which I reviewed a while ago.

 

Although the days are drawing in and the air is a little crisper in the mornings, I’m sure that my love affair with pin up style will continue right on into Autumn.