About Me

I consider myself to be the epitome of duality, personifying a series of wildly conflicting attributes.  Sweet and sexy, electric and macabre, vintage and modern,  a homebody and a BDsM enthusiast; I am all of these things.



My fascination with yesteryear and obsession with geekery have influenced my personal style deeply.  I have been known to wear head-to-toe vintage one day and then a gothic-inspired ensemble the next.  You never  quite know what I’m  going to wear on any given occasion and I think that’s part of my charm.  My thrify chic style quashes the notion that fashion needs to be expensive, or that style can be bought.

This blog was created in 2009 as an outlet for me to share my eclectic personal style and penchant for alternative fashion.  It quickly grew into something so much more.

In addition to chronicling my wardrobe adventures, these days my blog is a place to explore and share my passions.  I aim to talk openly about mental illness and the importance of self care.  I am a fierce advocate for sexual positivity and attempt to break down stigma around topics such as masturbation, BDsM, bisexuality and sexual exploration.  I boldly and honestly pen reviews of sex toys and provide essays on my experiences and adoration for all things kinky and erotic.

This blog is about encouraging readers to find themselves, fall in love with themselves and then treat themselves like the greatest lover they’ve ever had.  It’s about celebrating your quirks and being proud of your eccentricities.  It’s about carving out a haven in a hectic world and filling it with the things that make you happy.  It’s about being gracious without losing yourself.  It’s about feeling beautiful and being proud of the unique person you are. It’s about finding inspiration in the most unexpected places. It’s about living with curiosity and compassion.  It’s about encouraging self-exploration, self-care and the preservation of self-worth.



I love: costume parties, cats, kissing, karaoke, kink, to-do lists, bold lipstick, cult movies, writing with ballpoint pens, knitting, hand-written letters, folk punk music,Tudor history, a perfect cup of tea, the smell of a wood fire,  bare feet on soft grass.

My other online haunts include:






You can contact Vanessa via email at vkbowen@hotmail.com.


  1. Hello 🙂

    I’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award and as yours is a blog I enjoy and admire I’ve passed it on/mentioned your blog in my post here:


    It’s totally up to you if you’d like to accept it and participate but I just wanted to say thanks and let you know 🙂

    The rules/details are in the above post too.

    Kind Regards

    Dolly 🙂

  2. Hi Vanessa!

    I want to say thank you so much for your kind words and well wishes, and also your understanding/sympathy regarding me not being able to do Fancy Friday. I’m just stopping by to update you in advance as I couldn’t last time, I’m a lot better but unfortunately still not well enough to be up and about so much so FF on my side will have to be postponed again. I’m so sorry about that and am super grateful for all your support and participation so far, I had hoped to have it going again this week and do a double feature to include the pics you lovely ladies did last week too, so set this morning as my ‘goal’ to see how I felt but I doubt I’ll be better enough by tomorrow morning… Getting there though!

    All the best and warmest regards

    Dolly 🙂

    • Thanks! I’ve got a pretty packed editorial calendar this month, so I might respectfully decline. Thank you so, so much for nominating me though. It means the world to me.

  3. Hi there 🙂

    I’m looking for bloggers who’d be interested in participating in a weekly ‘Outfit of the Day’ theme called Dress Up Friday. The idea is to twist the convention of dressing down/going very casual on a Friday and instead having fun dressing up. I’d like to start doing Dress Up Friday posts regularly and would love to include links and pics from other bloggers doing their own posts using the same theme, I think it would be both fun and a great way to network/promote blogs.

    What I propose is to continue doing Dress Up Friday posts as normal and then when I see other bloggers who’ve done the same I’ll update my post with links/pics referring to the other blogger’s posts. If we all do the same it could turn into something new for the blogosphere like Thrift Thursday 🙂

    My first Dress Up Friday post was here http://fashionthatpays.wordpress.com/2013/11/16/dress-down-casual-friday-why-not-do-the-opposite/

    Please let me know if you’re interested 🙂

    All the best

    Dolly (dapperdolly)

  4. I like your introduction as it is freshly
    created with a hint of the wicked 🙂 🙂
    I think that you might like my Space
    and you are welcome to call by soon
    should you be so daring enough 🙂 lol

    I will try sending you an invite
    as my Space is Private but friendly…

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