Product review: Swell from Funkit Toys

Funkit Toys appeared on my radar several years ago. Their name popped up in a thread about companies that do creative custom toys and I had to jump over to their website to have a look. What I saw there nearly knocked my socks off.

Funkit have a limited range of silicone sex toys. The range boasts several dildos, some plugs and a handful of impact toys. Although Funkit’s range is relatively small, each piece has been carefully designed and thought out. Every item in their catalogue is beautifully designed and hand-crafted by the creator, Kenton. The thing that’s really special about Funkit’s range is that they’re “modular” sex toys, in that each piece is designed to be connected to other pieces in the range to create a unique, customisable experience. For example, each of the dildos features a suction cup base, so it can be used as a dildo in it’s own right, or attached to one of the impact toys to become a handle. There are also several specialised pieces that can be used as handles for impact toys, gags, anchor points for rope or as a receptacle for a bullet vibrator. The entire range can be mixed-and-matched to create new an inventive combinations for different scenes and needs.

The Funkit store is well-stocked with a variety of pre-made toys for you to choose from. Most of the toys are made from translucent, colourless silicone with swirls of brighter colours radiating from the base. If you don’t fancy any of the variations in the store, you can order a custom toy in the design of your choice with up to six colours.

I had a very hard time indeed trying to settle on a single toy to buy. In the end, I chose the Swell, a semi-realistic dildo with a slight curve and pronounced coronal ridge. There was a subtle rainbow swirl version of The Swell and I simply couldn’t go past it. I’m a sucker for anything rainbow and I don’t have a single rainbow toy in my collection. I had to have it.

When my Swell arrived I was instantly smitten with it. I honestly think it might be one of the most visually striking toys in my collection. The translucent silicone perfectly shows off the ribbon of rainbow pigments coiling through the centre of the toy. I’m not usually a fan of realistic-looking toys, but I made a special exception for the Swell. This toy has a realistic shape, with a tapered head and a defined coronal ridge. It also has a very subtle raised ridge along the curved edge, which feels like a penile raphe. While the shape is fairly realistic, the colours still give it the look of a fantasy toy. These two elements come together to give you a toy that’s a gorgeous combination of fantasy and reality.

The Swell is a medium-sized dildo. With an insertable length of 5.3/8 inches it’s roughly the size of an average penis. The silicone is very smooth and relatively firm. It has a little give to it if you bend the toy, but not much if you try to squeeze it with your hand. It has a flared base which make it both harness-compatible and anus-friendly and the base doubles as a suction cup.

The Swell has quickly become one of my favourite toys. It can be used for so many different types of play and it does all of them well. For solo play, it provides fantastic g-spot stimulation without being too intense. It doesn’t have a dramatic curve or bulbous head to really target the g-spot, but the coronal ridge is wide and firm enough to stroke the g-spot with every thrust. If you find direct g-spot stimulation too intense, then this might be a great option for you. It is a comfortable size for anal play, and it can be used in a harness for pegging. That raised coronal ridge and slight curve make it ideal for gentle prostate stimulation as well. The suction cup is decently strong, which means you can stick it to the shower or bathtub, to a chair or a conveniently-placed wall for hands-free fun.

The Swell starts at $75US (custom versions are more expensive depending on how many colours you add), which is a very reasonable price for a handmade, high quality toy. The one downside is that there are very few Australian retailers who stock Funkit’s range. Nikki Darling have a handful of Funkit toys, including the Umber Wand Attachment and the No Frilldo range, a collection of sturdily-designed body safe dildos for perverts on a budget. I opted to buy my toy directly from Funkit, even though the conversion and shipping were very pricey. Honestly, now that I’ve tried the Swell, I think it was worth every cent. I’m happy to pay more for well-made, good quality toys and the Swell is no exception.

I have dubbed the Swell my favourite All-Rounder dildo. It’s great for solo play, partnered play, pegging or strapping on. It’s not super-flashy, and it doesn’t provide intense, overwhelming sensation, but it’s a great toy for a variety of situations. If you’re looking to buy your first dildo, or just want one great dildo that can do it all, I recommend The Swell.


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