Most of us have pretty hectic schedules and full calendars. When it comes to finding time for Dominance and submission play (or D/s), it’s sometimes easier to work a little play into every day rather than blocking out a whole evening for a full scene.
Dominance and submission refers to a type of power exchange where one person takes on the role of Dominant or top, controlling the scene, creating rules for the submissive party and dishing out punishment. The submissive or bottom follows the rules, giving up some or all of their power to the dominant. Dominance and submission play is an extremely broad term that may incorporate elements of bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, or roleplay. Some people follow a D/s lifestyle, where their relationship permanently takes on these roles and the people in the relationship negotiate ways in which their everyday lives will operate based upon these roles. Other people may engage in D/s as play only in the bedroom or on specific occasions. People who enjoy temporary D/s play are more likely to switch roles, sometimes playing the dominant role and other times being more submissive.
If you’re interested in D/s play, you might be looking for some ideas to dip your toe into the water. Or perhaps you’re an experienced D/s player who is finding it difficult to make time for full play scenes, but still want to feel connected to your partner in a way that speaks to your power exchange dynamic. Today I’ve got 20 ideas to get you started, some small ways that you can inject D/s into your everyday life.
*As always, negotiation is a vital part of any BDsM play. Even with light, daily play, it’s still important to check in with your partner to discuss boundaries, limits and reactions. Consent is the cornerstone of D/s play, so make sure that your partner is ok with any of the following actions or rules before implementing them.*
- The dominant partner chooses the submissive partner’s underwear for the day. Knowing that your partner has selected the thing that’s closest to your skin is such a turn on.
- The dominant partner sends a text message to their submissive, demanding that they sneak into the nearest bathroom and take a sexy selfie for them.
- Wearable sex toys provide endless opportunities for daily play. Requiring a submissive to wear kegel balls or a butt plug while they do household chores, or while out of the house reinforces power dynamics and is physically stimulating.
- Develop secret code names for each other to use in text messages or out aloud. It can be anything that you feel comfortable with, but having a special name to call your partner that reinforces their position, such as Sir, Madam, little one or babygirl is both a term of endearment and a way to signal your dominance or submission discreetly.
- Make a rule that when dining together, the submissive partner is not allowed to begin eating until the dominant partner has begun their meal.
- Have the bottom serve food or drink to the top. The submissive partner should pour their dominant’s drink before their own. When serving hot drinks, the handle should always be placed to face the dominant. (you can find endless articles on D/s serving techniques which can be developed to suit your own tastes).
- Create a list of chores that the submissive partner has to complete, as well as a suitable punishment if chores are not completed satisfactorily.
- Jewellery can be used to signify submission and ownership. Collars in the BDsM world often hold a similar significance to a wedding ring. If you’re not ready for the commitment of collaring, you could try gifting the submissive partner with a necklace, anklet, ring or other piece of jewellery that they can wear regularly to remind them of their partner and their desire for submission.
- Make a rule that the submissive partner must ask the dominant’s permission before eating sweets or treats.
- When kissing your partner goodbye, gently but firmly hold under their jaw and tilt their head towards yours.
- Nothing beats pushing your partner against the wall for a passionate kiss, especially if you pin their wrists in place while doing so.
- Have your submissive groom you, helping you to wash in the shower, painting your nails or combing your hair.
- Provided the setting is warm and private, have the submissive partner strip naked or to their underwear while doing household chores.
- When watching television, the submissive partner could sit on the floor at their master’s feet.
- Foot rubs and massages are both relaxing for the dominant partner and a way for their submissive to show their service.
- Have a short morning or evening ritual, where the submissive says or texts good morning or good night to the dominant, so that they are the first thing they think of upon waking and the final thing they think of as they drift off to sleep at night.
- Have the submissive read erotic stories or poetry to the dominant partner.
- During sex or masturbation , the submissive partner must ask permission to climax.
- Allow the submissive to lay out the dominant’s clothes before work, or pack their lunch to show service and devotion.
- Together, write a mantra or vow that sums up your role in one another’s lives. Each day, find a moment to reflect on this mantra, and carry it with you.
As you can see from this list, there are a lot of simple, everyday activities that can become a part of D/s play. That is because Dominance and submission isn’t necessarily represented by specific acts, but by the mindset that accompanies them. So for a lot of people, doing the dishes is a simple household chore that must be done each day. But for me as a submissive, doing the dishes for my Sir is a way to serve him and show my love and respect for him. With a bit of creativity and discussion, it’s easy to think of ways that you can weave Dominance and submission into your everyday life, just by adopting the mindset that “we are doing this as an expression of our dynamic”.
It is vital to note that there is no one specific way to incorporate D/s into your relationship. Every relationship is different and so are the people within it. People change with time and so the relationship has to be periodically revisited and revised to suit shifting circumstances. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to just do the odd spot of D/s play, or switching roles as you see fit. These small acts of D/s can be done as a one-off or developed into an ongoing set of rules or protocols for lifestyle D/s. The most important thing is to communicate with your partner and ensure that everyone is happy and comfortable with the play you’re partaking in.
Do you incorporate Dominance and submission into your everyday life? What are some other ways that you can weave D/s play into the day-to-day?