I was kind of dreading this month’s resolution: date outside the box. When I made my resolutions at the beginning of the year, I was in a long-term relationship and I was feeling very secure. I was excited by the idea of trying some fun new activities with my boyfriend.
Fast forward six months, and I found myself single and very unhappy about it. I thought about leaving this resolution to fester, because I couldn’t carry it out in the way I’d originally hoped to.
Then I decided to take another look at how I could meet this challenge. I realised very quickly that the possibility of dating someone else was out of the question. I’m not saying that I never want to be in another relationship. But I was with Ross for nearly a decade. He was the man I had hoped to marry, and I’m still feeling very bruised by the end of our relationship. I find it very difficult to even imagine opening up to another man, and it’s hard for me to believe that there might be another person out there for me. I’ll never say never, but the simple fact is that I’m definitely not ready to start dating other people.
I sat down and made a list of all the different things I could do by myself that would be romantic. I made a huge list, thinking of all the things I imagined my ideal partner would do for me. Then I set out to do those things for myself.
I took myself out for a dinner of Italian food, complete with tiramisu and wine. I went out for brunch. I took a moonlit walk through my neighbourhood. I soaked in rose-scented bubbles by candlelight. I watched movies on the couch with boutique beer and fancy chips. I bought myself a couple of cute treats. I went thrift-shopping and walked around the lake.
I think I succeeded with this month’s resolution. I definitely pushed myself outside my comfort zone and put a lot of effort into treating myself well. All this self-romance has made me feel a lot less lonely, and I’m quite proud of how well I’ve been doing. I feel a bit more confident and happier spending time in my own company. It’s also helped me to face some of the less-than-perfect elements of my previous relationship. For example, while I was eating out by myself I realised that I no longer had to put up with Ross playing with his iphone at the table, or trying to force a conversation out of him (he hated having conversations in public, so our dinners out often felt a bit awkward). While I do still miss him, it’s kind of nice to be able to see some of the not-so-great parts of our relationship to help me move forward a bit.
I’m feeling pretty good about myself at the end of this month. I’ve done a good job with this resolution.