You might have noticed lately that I’ve been very quiet on social media and I’ve been slow to reply to blog comments. I’m really sorry about that, but I’ve got a good reason. A really good reason. A reason that’s awfully hard to talk about.
Ross and I have separated. Things had been pretty rough with our relationship for a couple of months, but I’d felt confident that we could work things out. Just before Ross left for three weeks in America, he told me that he wanted to end our relationship. I was devastated because even though I knew he was unhappy, and I knew that we were having problems, I really thought we would be able to work things out.
I had been staying at my parents house for a few days, but now that Ross is in America I am staying in our house. Once he returns, he will probably move in with his parents so that I can stay in the house with the cats for the time being. After that, I don’t know.
To say that I’m heartbroken doesn’t even begin to cover it. Ross and I have been together for nine years, which is a third of my lifetime. I feel like I’ve lost my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and my family all at once. I’m grieving for the past we shared and the future that might have been. It’s so hard to be living in the home we had been making for ourselves without him. Every morning when I wake up, my heart breaks when I don’t see his face on the pillow next to mine. It’s gut-wrenching to make my morning tea in my Harry Potter mug without his Dr Who one next to it. It’s an awful feeling, like being homesick in your own house. I still love him very much, and I’d give anything to have him here with me, to be able to kiss him and snuggle up to him. I’d love an opportunity to work through some of the things that were dragging our relationship down, but I don’t know that I’ll get it.
I’m just feeling so shocked and topsy-turvy at the moment. I’m in the process of trying to pick up the pieces of my life and work out where I want each one to go. I am missing Ross so terribly and I’m in a lot of pain.
I’m going to be taking a little break from blogging for a while. There are a couple of posts that I have scheduled for the next few weeks, but posting might be a little sporadic for a while. I’ll still check in on the blog, and I’ll answer your comments and emails when I’m able to. I’m not sure when I’ll be back to regular posting, maybe in a couple of weeks. I definitely will be back though. I’m sure you’ll understand.