You might have noticed lately that I’ve been very quiet on social media and I’ve been slow to reply to blog comments. I’m really sorry about that, but I’ve got a good reason. A really good reason. A reason that’s awfully hard to talk about.
Ross and I have separated. Things had been pretty rough with our relationship for a couple of months, but I’d felt confident that we could work things out. Just before Ross left for three weeks in America, he told me that he wanted to end our relationship. I was devastated because even though I knew he was unhappy, and I knew that we were having problems, I really thought we would be able to work things out.
I had been staying at my parents house for a few days, but now that Ross is in America I am staying in our house. Once he returns, he will probably move in with his parents so that I can stay in the house with the cats for the time being. After that, I don’t know.
To say that I’m heartbroken doesn’t even begin to cover it. Ross and I have been together for nine years, which is a third of my lifetime. I feel like I’ve lost my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and my family all at once. I’m grieving for the past we shared and the future that might have been. It’s so hard to be living in the home we had been making for ourselves without him. Every morning when I wake up, my heart breaks when I don’t see his face on the pillow next to mine. It’s gut-wrenching to make my morning tea in my Harry Potter mug without his Dr Who one next to it. It’s an awful feeling, like being homesick in your own house. I still love him very much, and I’d give anything to have him here with me, to be able to kiss him and snuggle up to him. I’d love an opportunity to work through some of the things that were dragging our relationship down, but I don’t know that I’ll get it.
I’m just feeling so shocked and topsy-turvy at the moment. I’m in the process of trying to pick up the pieces of my life and work out where I want each one to go. I am missing Ross so terribly and I’m in a lot of pain.
I’m going to be taking a little break from blogging for a while. There are a couple of posts that I have scheduled for the next few weeks, but posting might be a little sporadic for a while. I’ll still check in on the blog, and I’ll answer your comments and emails when I’m able to. I’m not sure when I’ll be back to regular posting, maybe in a couple of weeks. I definitely will be back though. I’m sure you’ll understand.
[…] After my boyfriend of nine years broke up with me, I’ve been faced with a lot of things that terrify me: the prospect of losing the person I love most, moving away from the home we were making for ourselves and having to completely redefine the parameters of my life are just a few. I did not feel up to the task of contemplating these scary and awful things. So I decided that it might be a good idea to do something else that scares me, but something that I can control. I wanted to make a scary decision that was my choice to show myself that I could get through it. So I decided to cut my hair. […]
❤ You know how I feel (if you got my e-mail?) I am so sorry you went through this and I hope somehow, someway, if it's meant to be – you two will pull through. You have my support, anytime. Just send me an e-mail. ❤
Thanks so much Angie, I did get your email and I’ll write back soon. I really appreciate your kind words.
I’m so sorry and send you love and hugs because break up’s are hard enough, let alone when you’re unprepared for it and still in love with them. A break from blogging will hopefully help you clear your head and help you get through this.
Thanks hon. I’m just not really in a headspace for writing anything even slightly coherent at the moment, so blogging’s not the best idea.
I’m SO so sorry. 😦 *big hugs*
Awww i’m sorry to hear that I can imagine you need some time right now to pull yourself back together.. It probably will take some time because your personality is so big and spectacular 😉 but i’m sure you’ll come out of this as shiny as ever.
Thanks sweet-pea. I’m not feeling too shiny at the moment, but maybe in a while I’ll be back to my old self.
im so sorry to hear that i no we havent meet in real life but i did not see that coming you to seemed so happy and perfect for each other my heart is with you ! hope you start feeling a bit better soon
Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I thought we were destined to be together. Just goes to show that life’s like a fog-addled road, sometimes you can’t see what’s coming up next.
Thanks so much. I really appreciate your support.
Oh I’m so sorry! I’ve never met you, but I feel from reading your blog that I know you in some way, and I was so shocked and sorry to hear this. Take good care of yourself hon, take the time that you need. I’ll be thinking of you.
Thanks so much, sweet pea. I am still feeling pretty shocked. In many ways, I don’t think that it has really sunk in, and every day something new happens that drives the point home that Ross is gone and he’s not my partner anymore. It’s so hard, and I don’t even know where to begin healing from this. Just trying to take it one step at a time.
Oh dear V, so sorry!!!
It is indeed shit. Thanks for the well-wishes.
Oh no, i’m so sorry. You must be feeling so sad. That is just the worst thing ever. You can get through it though, you are a strong wonderful woman with so much integrity and strength. Hugs hugs hugs!
Thank you for your sweet words. I’m so upset at the moment. I think that “grieving” is probably the best way to describe it.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. Sending hugs.
Thanks so much.