A few months ago I did a post on how to be an awesome girlfriend. I believe, in the spirit of equity, that it is customary for me now to do a post for the boys, on what I believe to be the top 25 tips for being an awesome boyfriend.
1. Flowers and chocolates are so passé. Give gifts from the heart, that you know your lady will love, such as hand-made sketches, silly DVDs or underwear with Muppets on them.
2. Chivalry isn’t dead. It is truly lovely to go out with a man who will offer to open the door for you, pull out your chair and give you his coat when it’s cold. To me, it’s not a sign that he thinks you’re weak or helpless, it’s simply a mark of courtesy and affection.
3. Sometimes, when a woman is upset about something, she will talk angrily about it ad nauseum. It can be tempting to offer suggestions and solutions. While this can be helpful, there are times when she just wants to vent. It can be tricky to tell the difference, but if you get it right, you will be greatly rewarded. It is perfectly acceptable to ask whether your girlfriend is looking for you to solve her problem, or whether she just wants to get her feelings off her chest.
4. Do household chores together, as a team. The job will get done faster, and you will have somebody to chat to while you work.
5. Sometimes, it’s nice to have physical affection that isn’t sexual, such as hand-holding or cuddling on the couch. Sometimes, it’s exciting to have physical contact that is purely sexual, such as a cheeky pinch on the bum or an erotic kiss in the cinema.
6. You don’t have to get dressed up every single time we go out. It is nice if you have a shower and brush your teeth though.
7. Don’t talk about ex-girlfriends, unless it’s to mention that she was just killed in a gruesome dog-attack.
8. Don’t stress too much about giving compliments. We like to hear that we are pretty or that our hair smells nice, but we will be even more exited to hear you congratulate us on a project that we have been working on, or exalt in our mad karaoke skills.
9. Don’t pretend to be somebody you aren’t. Be honest and up-front from the get-go.
10. Introduce your girlfriend to your mates. The likelihood is that they will hit it off and all will be good.
11. If you’re going to perve on other girls, at least be subtle about it. Any cool girlfriend will realise that it’s human for your eyes to wander a little, but at least try to refrain while she’s around.
12. Don’t play games. If you are angry about something, or if you are having doubts about the relationship, tell your girlfriend. She would much rather know right away than go about oblivious for a few months and then get dumped without warning.
13. Make your girlfriend laugh as often as possible.
14. Find something that you both enjoy doing, and then make it something that you do together often. If you both love Buffy, buy a box set and watch it together. If you love laser skirmish, make it a weekly event.
15. Learn to give a great massage.
16. Be creative with communication. Communicate often, and in as many different ways as possible. Send text messages, skype one another, send cards by snail mail, make a mix tape and have it couriered, hire a sky writer.
17. Cultivate private jokes.
18. Do your best to remember anniversaries and special occasions. Buy yourself a little calendar and write them in, or program them into your phone or computer.
19. Give hugs often. There’s nothing like a tight hug from the man you love.
20. Be spontaneous, and occasionally take your lover out for a special treat that you’ve planned without her knowing.
21. It’s rubbish that guys can’t fart in front of girls. It’s a little more polite to refrain, but if a noisy one slips out every now and then, it’s no big deal. I truly believe that the measure of a good couple is how they act when one of them lets one rip. If they cover their noses and throw disgusted looks across the room, they’re doomed. If they crack up laughing, they’ve got a good thing going.
22. Every now and then, help your girlfriend with her beauty routine. Wash her hair for her, give her a bath, apply her lipstick or paint her toenails. It will make her feel like a princess, and if you stuff up, well, that’s just hilarious.
23. Keep your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.
24. Don’t be embarrassed about sex. Talk about it openly, and be honest. If there’s something you want, or something you don’t like, and you don’t say a word, then nothing will ever change.
25. Always treat your lover with respect and courtesy.