Jealousy is a part of life. No matter how well adjusted you are, there is likely to come a point in time that you wish your life were a little bit more like someone elses’. I propose that, rather than digging yourself a gloomy little bunker from which to fire nasty barbs, you use your jealousy as a catalyst for positive change.

“What the hell is she talking about?” you are probably thinking. What I mean is this: if you are jealous of somebody, they must have something that you want. If you can identify what that coveted thing is, it can act as a key to improving your life. Rather than seeing your jealousy as a negative emotion that needs to be squashed, try to view it as a message to yourself about what you need to feel happier and more secure.

The first step that you need to take is to find out what it is specifically that you are jealous of. Perhaps you wish that you looked more like a certain person, or that you had a better job or more money. It might even be something more complex, like an innate ability to make friends. Whatever it might be, look closely at the reason that you are jealous.

Once you have identified the thing that you feel you are lacking, you need to look critically at your own life. You will need to decide whether that thing is achievable  For example, if you are jealous of somebody who earns more money than you do, it is possible for you to find a way to earn more cash. However, if you are lamenting over your lack of height in the shadow of a modern-day Amazon, then you might need to accept that your height is something that isn’t likely to change any time soon, no matter how much you might want it to.

If your goal is something that is actually achievable, that’s fantastic! Rather than being bitter that somebody has something you want, put all that energy into making it a reality for yourself. Make yourself a plan, with your goal in sight, and think about every  step that you need to take to get from where you are today to where you want to be.

Once you have made a workable plan, commit yourself to actually taking a few steps. Book in for a career consultation, join a dating service, start looking for new apartments, just do whatever you can to make your goal a reality. You don’t have to do it all in a week, but making regular, committed actions towards your goal will give you a huge sense of self-efficacy and with any luck, you will eventually get to where you want to be.

If you are wishing for something that you can’t change, your path might be a little trickier. What you are going to need to do is to accept yourself and your life the way it is and not sweat the things that can’t be changed. Life is simply too short to be spent wishing for things that can never come true. It’s easier said than done, but it’s important to try to accept the things you can’t alter.